ONE DIRECTION MARRIAGE

ONE DIRECTION MARRIAGE

I remember very vividly the messagr an uncle gave me when I was making preparations for my wedding.  He said it might look as though this wedding was the highlight of my life, I would soon discover that there's more to life after saying I DO. True to words I discovered soon enough.
One of the best marriage advice you can ever get is this: marry someone who shares the same dreams and aspirations with you. Only then can your marriage be guaranteed a future.
Marriage is easier when you're both headed in the same direction. There are so many challenges you would encounter down the road and it is those things you have in common that will help you survive the PULL effect.
Talk about your career goals, financial goals, family goals and every other life goals in details before you make you make any commitment
Looking at how some ladies talk about their wedding day, you'd think its what their whole existed has been all about.  As a result they make no further future plans post wedding.
Have you ever heard a single lady talk about the kind of man she wants? You hear things like "I want a God fearing, handsome, fair, tall......." and the list is endless.  There's nothing wrong with wanting all these things but there's something wrong with being shallow.
How do ascertain your compatibility when you dont even know what you want for yourself?
How do join someone on his/her journey when you dont even know where you are headed?
In his book "Good to Great" Jim Collins talking about hiring said its not enough to get the right people on board, you must ensure they are going your way i. e they share the same vision or goals similar to that of the organization.
The same applies to marriage.  Dont make this lifetime journey with anyone unless your sure you're headed in the same direction.
If you marry an individual who has different interest and goals from yours, not only will the marriage not work, you'll be mostly frustrated and unfulfilled.

Eyitemi The Homebuilder
@ homebuilders012
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STOP...READY...GO

A large number of people reading this post are familiar with the traffic colours and their meanings. In school as children, we were told that before crossing the road, we needed to " look left, look right and look left again" and we were equally educated on the traffic lights and what they represent;
Green means GO
Yellow/Amber means Get Ready
Red means STOP

It's amazing how much of these things we know and how little we apply to our daily lives especially our relationships. Relationships like I have always mentioned is a journey and just like road signs are there to keep you on track especially when the routes are unfamiliar, there are signs in your relationship designed to do same. These signs must NEVER be ignored

My focus is on single/unmarried folks this week and the reality of so many marital crises which in my own opinion could have been avoided.
First allow me to re-establish a few facts;
1. The dating/ courtship period is a time to get to know each other better
2. Dating/ courtship does not necessarily guarantee marriage
3. A dating/ courtship period that does not lead to marriage can be termed as successful: while one that leads to marriage might not necessarily be successful
4. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage

Marriage is one of the few irreversible decisions we make in our lives and this decision must be considered with the utmost depth, realistically through a clear minds eye.

A common mistake amongst a lot of young people is that they spend a large percentage of their dating period satisfying their half-baked Sexual hormonal rush that they loose sight of what's trully important. When this happens, when the ultimate, the big picture is ignored, you become a slave to the immediate, the present.

Dating/Courtship period is a time to critically access your partner to determine if there's a future with this person and what that future might possibly hold. There's nothing wrong with being and feeling in love, but your vigilance should not be compromised.

If there are things you don't like while dating or courting, don't hesitate to talk about them because that is exactly what the period is for. If there are concerns, bring them to light and make sure they are satisfactorily resolved.

Don't allow your desperation get the better part of you while dating so much that you ignore important red flags. A partner who lies to you, cheats on you or treats you poorly is a major red flag and can ultimately turn a deal breaker

Don't stay in relationships where there are so many red flags thinking they would resolve them self or that your partner would suddenly change after getting married. It doesn't work that way and folks who are married can confirm that to you.

Red signs are warning signs designed to give you a reality check and give you a reason to re-evaluate the relationship you're in. Just like these traffic signs would not make sense to those who don't know the rules, if you don't have set boundaries drawn, you would not even know when they are being breached.

What are the things you cannot overlook in marriage? What attitudes, character or behaviors are deal breakers for you. How do you expect to be treated by the man/woman who claims to love you? These and many more need answers to enable you know when and where things are going wrong.

I'm not asking you to look for some perfect man, with green piercing eyes and a body to die for, who has no flaws and whose mission in life is to love and make you happy. You would be far from reality if that is what you are waiting for because there are no men like that in the real world.

At the end of the day, it would be you and your partner living together for the rest of your lives. If there are things you know you cannot live with for the "REST OF YOUR LIFE" address them now or end the relationship while you still can.

Like my husband rightly said, too many people are trapped in wrong relationships because "PREMARITAL SEX" gives them a false sense of commitment. A false need to stay even when everything in their body is screaming RUN
While for others ( ladies especially) , the desperation to get married simply because of their age keeps them trapped in the wrong relationships

Let me tell you clearly and I hope you remember this words when you need them the most; long after the goofy feeling of love is gone and reality sets in on your marriage, all you will have with you is the real person you have committed to and the same desperation you had while you were still dating/courting will most certainly be doubled when things go wrong in marriage and you are desperate for a way out.

There's more to life after "I DO" but so many people fail to see this. Marry right dear friend because your marriage will no doubt shape the rest of your life. It will shape your career, you finances, your dreams and your aspirations. If you marry the right man good for you, life might continue as you know it; but if you marry the wrong man- life as you know is officially over. The choice is yours.
Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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A THANKFUL HEART.......A THANKFUL WIFE

A thankful heart.

A thankful heart for the gift of life.

A thankful heart for family and friends.

A thankful heart for and towards your spouse.

Agreed marriage can be handful. It could make you feel overwhelmed.

Your spouse might get on your wrong side every now and then; but don't get caught up in the bad times

A thankful heart is what creates an attitude of appreciation

An attitude of appreciation has a positive multipliers effect on your marriage

There's an adage in my dialect that says "He who is thankful for yesterday's good deed will receive more"

Learn to appreciate your spouse

Make deliberate efforts to show appreciation when he does something good. (Small or Big)

If you don't thank him for helping your clear the table of the dishes, don't expect him to help with washing the dishes

Every-time you appreciate and show that appreciation to your spouse; you give him reasons to do more

Don't complain about how longs it been since you received a gift, card or flowers.....

Be thankful for the times he helped you watch the kids while you took a nap

Nothing dampens a man's willingness to help like an ungrateful wife

I know he's not perfect, we all know that and neither are you

Every time you're thankful for something he did, he consciously or unconsciously seeks new ways to do more good deeds

It's easy to get caught up in the negatives that we fail to good right under our noses. Each day, ask God to open your eyes to the good things around you especially your marriage and the grace to indeed have a thankful heart.....

Stay Blessed and Remember to share this with someone.

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

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LOVE ME BACK

One of the universal laws of giving is that " You cannot give what you don't have". This law is applicable to every area of our lives, including our Relationship/ Marriage

This law is no respecter of person and is applicable whether you're, dating, courting or actually married; male or female

Too often people are involved in relationships where one party is at the giving end and the other at the receiving end.

Often times one person gives a 110% while the other partner gives nothing or a tiny fraction in return.

Some people say a good relationship involves giving without expecting something in return; I say that is true to some extent. When you give to your partner, don't expect or demandhim or her to give the same in return. He/ she is allowed to give in return in any other way deemed fit; as long as it doesn't pose any harm to your relationship/ marriage.

There's a no feeling as bad as loving someone without being loved in return ( I trust a large number of people can relate with this). Not only is that person being treated unfairly, I consider it an act of EMOTIONAL FRAUD.

A relationship/Marriage has a greater chance of surviving when both partners love each other and reciprocate this love. A Relationship/Marriage has a greater chance of surviving when both partners give not 50-50, but 100-100.

Contrary to some school of thought, one person's love, sacrifice, or compromise is not enough for both parties in a Relationship/Marriage. A partner who gives without receiving in return will one day go dry and run out of what to give. Only one person has been able to give a 100% of himself , while we did not deserve it, without receiving same- JESUS

Any one who gives love continously without receiving might fall into any of these categories below;

1. They have low self esteem. Even though they are treated as trash, they believe they are getting what they deserve or that is their worth

2. They are hoping that their partner would one day realize their errors and start loving them in return

3. They have a warped definition of what love ought to be

While the second point is a possibility, as there have been cases where a partner persisted and continued to show love until the other party came around or began to reciprocate. (Especially in marriage)This should be done prayerfully and you must know the difference between this and being used.

Every time, you show love to someone and you are loved in return, that persons emotional bank account is credited with you, which makes it possible to for him/her to draw at any point in time.

Using the example of a bank; you cannot walk into a bank and ask to draw money when you have not made any deposit with them. If for any reason you make any withdrawal without any form of deposit, it's either a loan or you have stolen money that's not yours. Either way you become indebted to the bank.

In the case of a loan, you will be required to pay back with interest. The same applies to a Relationship/ Marriage. When you draw or receive love without giving, your emotional bank account goes into a debit balance. Not only will you need to fill it up from its negative position to its positive position, you will also need to maintain a minimum balance on the account

Everybody wants / needs to be loved. Any relationship that is draining you more than its replenishing you is cancerous and should be avoided. You don't need a soothsayer to tell you that your love isn't being reciprocated. If ever find yourself in a situation, do what is best for you and find someone who will replenish you, each time you give.

If you think you have been giving love which is is not being reciprocated, please don't keep it bottled in. Talk to your partner about how you feel as it relates to the relationship.

Loving someone should not be forced or coerced. It ought to come naturally, freely and uninhibited. If you have to force your partner to show love to you. There's a problem.

For my married friends reading this, if you ever find yourself in this situation, point number two mentioned earlier is applicable. Continue to show love prayerfully, if he/she has loved you before, yes that love can be rekindled.

For my single friends, if you're dating someone who doesn't reciprocate your love, don't enter into marriage with him/her without a positive resolution.

Stay Blessed and Remember to share this with someone.

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

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LOVERS AND FRIENDS

For all the married couples out there, you might not have married your best friend, but it's never too late to make your "Husband/Wife" your best friend
Have you ever notice how long and boring a trip or a walk might seem when you're taking it on your own or walking with strangers? Compare it to how short, interesting and pleasant the same trip can be when taking with friends?
Marriage is no different. It's a journey of a life time and trust me you don't want to be making that journey with acquaintances or strangers. To get the best experience, you need to be making that journey with your friend- Spouse- Husband- Soul mate
The place of Friendship in your marital relationship is so important and it must not be under-estimated because when the butterflies in your belly have stopped fluttering, and the flame of passion has fizzled out, your friendship is perpetual.
There are times when you might not feel so in love with your partner, but you can count on your friendship still.
Being friends, best friends with your spouse, is priceless.
---> A friend is a confidant who you can pour your heart to without fear of judgment
---> A friend is someone who sees the best and the worst in you, yet he/she stays
----> A friends has your back even when the world is against you
---> A friend shares your pain, joy, high moments and low moments
Friendship with your spouse requires an important ingredient "TIME"
Don't be too busy for your partner or your marriage.
Spend time together because only then will you discover more about each other
Whatever or Whoever you spend time with is reflection of what's important to you.
Love without friendship can be empty, but love between friends is priceless.

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog:www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com

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THE SHADE OF A GOOD UNION

While sitting under a big tree one sunny afternoon to take shade from the vengeful heat of the scorching sun, I became inspired to write this post.

Despite the weather situation, being under this big tree made me feel differently. Yes I was not oblivious of the scorching heat, but I was not a victim of its vengeful heat either. Being under this tree made a difference and there was no way I was leaving there until I was ready to leave.

The same should be said of our marriages. Marriage is supposed to be a shade, provide protection and shield you from the harsh conditions of the society.

Your marriage is supposed to be that place you run to and feel safe when pressure begins to mount from the society

Your marriage is supposed to be a reliable safe zone when insecurities abound.

Just like the tree, it does not change what is going on outside, but it shields you, keeps you safe and protected.

If your marriage is like this, then you can be sure that when you come home to your spouse and kids, you're bound to feel relaxed and comfortable regardless of how bad your day had been

Often times when you see people who are not eager or who do not long to go home to their spouse and kids, it either of two things;

----> it's either they feel safer in where they are or they have some other safe zone, asides their home, marriage & spouse.

Wives especially need to consciously make sure their home/ marriage is a safe zone for every member of the family.

Make it a place they long to be in and are reluctant to leave; and I'm not just talking about the interior decoration alone.

As home builders we have been charged with the responsibility of making the best out of our homes and marriages.

>Understand and strive to meet the needs of your family members

>Don't be too temperamental or judgmental

>Give room for your spouse and children to fail because only then will they be inspired to try again until success becomes a reality

>learn to use the right words to nurture, heal and correct when necessary

The list is endless but the general idea is to make sure you do what is needed to make your marriage a safe zone

One more salient and important ingredient needed to make your marriage a safe zone is to have a healthy relationship with your spouse. The union of you both is what resulted into a marriage and it takes both of you to grow and nurture your relationship.

The dividend of a good marriage goes beyond the man and his wife. Just like the big tree I sat under which shaded not just myself but every one who sought protection from the sun's venting; so will your children, great grandchildren, friends, loved ones and even strangers benefit from the umbrella your successful union.

Keep building

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog:www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com

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FAITHFULNESS BEFORE I DO

1. It's great to be here with everyone this evening #StasWeek

2. I'm trusting God for opened eyes & opened minds and ready hearts #StasWeek

3. When you here the word " Faithful" especially as it borders on relationships, what's the 1st thing that comes to mind ? #Stasweek

4. Some think fidelity, cheating, extra marital affairs and most importantly you get the idea it's an issues for married folks #StasWeek

5. How often have you ever thought that "faithfulness" could be a subject of concern for you as a single? #StasWeek

6. Probably very few times or never #StasWeek

7. Contrary to what you might think or assume, faithfulness is not a things for married couples only #StasWeek

8. Faithfulness starts long before marriage. It's a mind set, a learned habit and a way of life. #StasWeek

9. Faithfulness is not some random spirit that drops on you once you get married. #StasWeek

10. Faithfulness, true faithfulness is the life you live, and who you are long before say "I DO" #StasWeek

11. Faithfulness is not just about whether you have pre-marital sex, it's the total package. #StasWeek

12. Faithfulness is of the heart & mind. It is what guarantees purity . #StasWeek

13. Faithfulness is a lifestly which requires a conscious effort, constant evaluation and accountability #StasWeek

14. Some people are of the opinion that the reason they can't stay faithful is because they have not met right person #StasWeek

15. Apologies, but allow me break your bubble by saying this: that is a lie from the pit of hell #StasWeek

16. Faithfulness is about the way you lived and you are living before you meet your life partner #StasWeek

17. Imagine your future partner had access to the candid camera of your life right now, do you think he'll be proud? #StasWeek

18. Would he/she be eager to spend the rest of their lives with you, or would they rather be celibate than marry you? #StasWeek

19. Think about that for a moment? #StasWeek

20: Faithfulness as a single lady, is about those little things you do on a daily bases which honour your future partner #StasWeek

21. Faithfulness as a single man/ lady is leaving a life that honours your future partner #StasWeek

22. Faithfulnessmeans living to love and honour your future husband all the days of your life. #StasWeek

23. Faithfulness before I DO means that you honour your future spouse with #StasWeek (1/2)

24. Your tots, actions, words ,emotion an your body (2/2). #StasWeek

25. I need to understand me here, because this is a new dimension to faithfulness. #StasWeek

26. Some people think Purity is not Possible in today's world, but I believe we are focusing on the wrong things #StasWeek

27. If we focus on faithfulness, purity will come naturally. The two go side by side #StasWeek

28. A single Man/ woman who goes into marriage without understanding the concept of faithfulness (1/2) #StasWeek

29. Is disaster waiting to happen (2/2) #StasWeek

30. Faithfulness is like an oak tree that patiently endured the torrid winds and rains, (1/2) #StasWeek

31. Only to become stronger and solid as a result. #StasWeek

32. God is a rewarder of every form of faithfulness #StasWeek

33. He rewarded Ruth with Her Boaz because of her faithfulness; even though the world thought she was stupid #StasWeek

34. He is still the same God, he never changes. He will all also reward your faithfulness and non-conformity #StasWeek

35. Faithfulness is what unlocks the secret to the kind of love you have been looking for. #StasWeek

FAITHFULNESS BEFORE I DO

1. It's great to be here with everyone this evening #StasWeek

2. I'm trusting God for opened eyes & opened minds and ready hearts #StasWeek

3. When you here the word " Faithful" especially as it borders on relationships, what's the 1st thing that comes to mind ? #Stasweek

4. Some think fidelity, cheating, extra marital affairs and most importantly you get the idea it's an issues for married folks #StasWeek

5. How often have you ever thought that "faithfulness" could be a subject of concern for you as a single? #StasWeek

6. Probably very few times or never #StasWeek

7. Contrary to what you might think or assume, faithfulness is not a things for married couples only #StasWeek

8. Faithfulness starts long before marriage. It's a mind set, a learned habit and a way of life. #StasWeek

9. Faithfulness is not some random spirit that drops on you once you get married. #StasWeek

10. Faithfulness, true faithfulness is the life you live, and who you are long before say "I DO" #StasWeek

11. Faithfulness is not just about whether you have pre-marital sex, it's the total package. #StasWeek

12. Faithfulness is of the heart & mind. It is what guarantees purity . #StasWeek

13. Faithfulness is a lifestly which requires a conscious effort, constant evaluation and accountability #StasWeek

14. Some people are of the opinion that the reason they can't stay faithful is because they have not met right person #StasWeek

15. Apologies, but allow me break your bubble by saying this: that is a lie from the pit of hell #StasWeek

16. Faithfulness is about the way you lived and you are living before you meet your life partner #StasWeek

17. Imagine your future partner had access to the candid camera of your life right now, do you think he'll be proud? #StasWeek

18. Would he/she be eager to spend the rest of their lives with you, or would they rather be celibate than marry you? #StasWeek

19. Think about that for a moment? #StasWeek

20: Faithfulness as a single lady, is about those little things you do on a daily bases which honour your future partner #StasWeek

21. Faithfulness as a single man/ lady is leaving a life that honours your future partner #StasWeek

22. Faithfulnessmeans living to love and honour your future husband all the days of your life. #StasWeek

23. Faithfulness before I DO means that you honour your future spouse with #StasWeek (1/2)

24. Your tots, actions, words ,emotion an your body (2/2). #StasWeek

25. I need to understand me here, because this is a new dimension to faithfulness. #StasWeek

26. Some people think Purity is not Possible in today's world, but I believe we are focusing on the wrong things #StasWeek

27. If we focus on faithfulness, purity will come naturally. The two go side by side #StasWeek

28. A single Man/ woman who goes into marriage without understanding the concept of faithfulness (1/2) #StasWeek

29. Is disaster waiting to happen (2/2) #StasWeek

30. Faithfulness is like an oak tree that patiently endured the torrid winds and rains, (1/2) #StasWeek

31. Only to become stronger and solid as a result. #StasWeek

32. God is a rewarder of every form of faithfulness #StasWeek

33. He rewarded Ruth with Her Boaz because of her faithfulness; even though the world thought she was stupid #StasWeek

34. He is still the same God, he never changes. He will all also reward your faithfulness and non-conformity #StasWeek

35. Faithfulness is what unlocks the secret to the kind of love you have been looking for. #StasWeek

LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND

If there's anything true about life, it's the fact that nobody can move forward while looking backwards.

Regardless of whatever our domain or specialty in life, moving forward brings about satisfaction to the human race.

Contrary to what you might have seen, heard or experience, marriage is a beautiful thing. It is even more beautiful if it enjoys an upwardly mobile motion.

In so many marriages, individuals come together with so much baggage and weight that it pulls down on their relationships with their spouses. Too often we hold on to the wrong things and we end up holding back the opportunity to enjoy a blissful relationship.

One of the major principles of marriage as stated in the book of Creation (Genesis 2:24) is the" Leave and Cleave "principle.

Many marriages are going downhill because one or both couples have failed to "Leave" and and wandering why they can't " Cleave".

There's so much to leave behind, if you want your marriage to enjoy that much desired upward motion.

1. YOUR PAST: There no doubt that everyone including myself has a past that we are not too proud of, but failure to let go can be catastrophic. Your past existed for a reason, it tells a story of where you are coming from, but it cannot define who you are unless you let it. Recognize where you are now especially as it relates to your marriages, and live in the now.

Whether it was an event, something that happened to you or someone you know, in your past, as long as it stands in the way of letting your marriage be all that it can be, leave it all behind

I once heard the story of a newly married lady who could not let go of her single days, habit and friends. She barely cooked @ home for her new husband, she was more interested in visiting the movies, buying take outs and partying.

While there's nothing wrong in wanting to relax and entertain yourself once in a while, this young lady failed to understand, and accept her new role and life as a wife.

Don't get stuck in your past, because you'll be dragging your partner and marriage @ large back.

2. YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY:
Don't get me wrong on this. I'm not asking that you alienate yourself from your loved ones, I'm asking that you know where to draw the line. Your parents marriage and that of your friends are different from yours- it's important you know this.

Your number one loyalty should be to your spouse and you should flee from anyone who seeks to contest that . Now that your married, live your married live in that consciousness

3. PAST ISSUES: One of the things I used to do very early in my marriage was to constantly refer to my husband's past failures. While that made be win the battle, little did I know that I was loosing the war on my marriage. Your spouse will most certainly hurt you, and not only must you be quick to forgive, you must forget it, let it go, and try not to make further references to it. No matter how tempting it may seem.

Living in the past hinders growth, brings about regrets, stagnation and lots of heart ache. Don't dwell on it, learn from it and move on

Eyitemi The HomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog :www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com
Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com
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THE JOURNEY'S MAP

The journey of a thousand miles, they say starts with a step, but this step is not readily taken when you don't know which direction you are headed
Your marriage with your spouse is a journey you have both chosen to embark on ;and like every other journey, you're bound to arrive @ a cross road .It's called a cross road because you're faced with so many options and you need to decide upon which path to tread.
A cross road is very normal but what wears most people out is the uncertainty associated with the path you decide to take. In marriage to be specific, you enter into a cross road when challenges arise and you're trying to figure out a solution.
It's even more overwhelming when you are burdened with the responsibility of making these decisions alone- which is what happens in so many unions
Marriage is a walk of togetherness and when you arrive at these cross roads, you need to be able to decide together as a single unit on how to proceed. Because marriageis not one person's responsibility, attempting to carry it all by yourself will wear you out quickly.

By now I know you're asking "what if your partner is not as willing"? I'll say that is another cross- road, and you'll need to turn to someone bigger for partnership- God. Whether you're together or alone, once you encounter situations beyond your capabilities, turn to the cross.
Based on my conversation with a lot of women, it feels as though most of them are in the marriage walk alone. ( @ least that's how they feel) especially when the cross road is their spouse. Whether you feel as if you're the only one interested in making you marriage work, or you feel like your husband no longer loves you as he used to, let me assure youthat you're never alone. Don't blindly select a course of action without being certainbecause the outcome might be disastrous.. "How can you be certain" you might ask
Incase you've forgotten, let me remind you that God is the curator of marriage and if you're ever unsure on which path to take on your cross-road, turn to him because He alone has the MAP.

You don't have the MAP, Hollywood does not have the MAP your family and friends do not have the MAP, but God does. There's nothing happening to you or in you marriage that has not happened to another; yet they came out as winners. So encourage yourself wives, turn to God in prayers and trust him to lead you in the best path- as a matter of fact, he is more that willing to walk down the path with you if you would allow him.

During my quiet time this morning, I was reminded of Roman 12:2 "do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind......"don't try to do things using your own strength or wisdom, because in most cases it only worsens the situation. There's a God way to doing things and that way is God's MAP/BLUE-PRINT for our marriage.

It might sound akage but In God's MAP( word) he has provided directions on how to deal with certain cross roads. If the challenge is with your husband, permit me to say from experience that force, nagging or crying will not necessarily change the situation.

The book of 1Peter 3:1-2 explains that if there's a change you want to see in your husband or marriage, then that change has to start with you. Only then can you model that change for your husband to observe and be influenced.
Pay back does not do any good in marriage, it only further destroys it. If there's something you want to see, be that change, and be patient for the holyspirit to work.

There's a solution to every problem. Cross Roads are meant to be conquered but you need the right disposition and God MAP. Don't take any other MAP provided by the movies, your cosmopolitan magazine, or the social network because not only will you be going in the wrong direction, you might get lost without the option of a do over.

Please note that in the case of an abuse, it's best to get to safety first while working on a resolution.

Eyitemi The HomeBuilder

BBM:2B2D2806

Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog:www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

LOVE , LIKE & THE TRUTH

Reading through an article recently, my eye caught the news of a 12yr old girl and 13 years old boy who just had a baby.
Immediately, a barage of questions entered into my mind;

Did they really have sex @ that age?

Have they already attained the age of puberty?

How much did they know about parenting. ( they are barely children themselves)

Her dad who was in prison said he was proud of her;

Her mum was celebrating being the world's youngest grandmother,

And finally the most disturbing statement I read was that the next generation might grow up having partners and having kids with them, without getting married

It's obvious that in this generation we have a lot of things confused and if people don't start talking, we will end up in so much chaos and later begin to wonder how we got there.

Young people are confused about who they are, confused about their sexuality, confused about the dynamics of a relationship, confused about marriage and the world @ large.

With all these confusion, and the main stream media not helping, we are gradually going down a path our society might find it difficult to recover from.

Lust, likeness and love have all be muddled up & relationships wrongly defined leaving people broken and twisted.

A wise man once said that if "purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable"

Apparently a lot of people don't know the purpose of relationships/ marriage, so they end up abusing it.
Or tell me, if they did understand, how does a 12yr old girl end up becoming a mother?

For some people, relationship is an opportunity to bury their loneliness, build their world around another, or derive their identity form such a relationship.

This identity crises is what has twisted the way people think.

Relationship is not a call to flex or show your sexual prowess.

 Relationships ought to be mutually beneficial; not parasitic, nor exploitative.

Marriage asides the procreation mandate, is for companionship & partnership.
Don't get involved in this institution if you don't understand the dynamics.

A lot of the challenges in society today is wrought by dysfunctional individuals, who are products of a fracture home, marriages & relationships.

You are who you are, and it's not dependent on your relationships

Understand that there's a difference between like, love and lust.
When someone uses you to only meet and satisfy their desires, it's not love, it's lust.
Liking someone is not automatically equal to loving the person.
Love requires commitment,
Love demands sacrifice,
Love seeks the best interest of the other party,
And remember that sex does not equate love
In brevity, Lust, Like, & Love all have emotions, and if you ever want to know if love is somewhere in the midst of hemotion you are feeling for someone, ask your self the following;

1. Are you willing to be committed to this person
2. Are you willing to make sacrifies for this person
3. Do you constantly seek the best interest for this person
4. Would you still feel the same way if Sex wasn't in the equation
5. Would it matter if this person doesn't feel the same way about you?

Though tough, these questions are likely to help you clear the air as to what you're feeling for someone @ any point in time.
This list is not exhaustive, and love is not some subject you can examine in a lab, but to a large extent, after being married for almost a decade, these sieve tests can come in handy.

Eyitemi The HomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog:www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

Email: homebuilderssn@gmail.com

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AFFIRMATION THE FIRST LINE OF DEFENCE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

One of the worst things a woman can have asides nagging, is a critical spirit. A woman who sees no good in her husband or continues to see all the wrongs he does, can be said to have a critical spirit.

One of the major needs for a man is RESPECT & it's very difficult to respect a man you don't approve of. It's almost impossible to respect a man who according to your mental scorecard doesn't measure up.

To Affirm your husband means to constantly praise him, encourage him, make him feel good and most importantly make sure He knows that all his efforts can be seen, felt and appreciated.

I have discovered that husbands are not perfect neither are we as wives, but each times we affirm them they strive to do better.

A large portion of affairs are carried out by men whose wives are extremely critical of them.

 If all you do is make your husband know where he misses it, falls short or fails, he will gradually begin to retreat and seeks solace in places where he is affirmed or feels good.
That place might be work and unfortunately sometimes the arms of another woman.
I once read about a wives who constantly unleashed her venom of criticism at her husband. Every opportunity she got.

In her defense she felt that if she did that, he will be inspired to be a better man! But unfortunately the opposite happened. Day by day his confidence and ability as a husband continued to plummet until he finally checked out of the relationship emotionally.

Pastor Rick Warren once said that it takes no special intelligence to criticize; as a matter a fact even a fool can criticize; but it takes a lot to identify the good in people and acknowledge it.

It's amazing how much positivity is released into your marriage every time you affirm the man in your life and how much toxins you release into your marriage when you become critical of him.

Nobody wants to be reminded of their failures or limitations, (not even the critical wife herself) so you can hardly blame a man who avoids such an environment.

People don't crumble in day, neither does marriages. It's usually a slow process which in most cases the woman is oblivious to because she has her focus else where.

Men whose wives are very critical have a yearning and longing within them. They are lacking a basic need of acceptance and will swing towards where they get it from whether it's from work or a friendly colleague.

Now I'm not trying to excuse a man's infidelity, men are absolutely responsible for those choices, but you will be doing your marriage a whole lot of good if you deliberately, consciously and consistently affirm the man in your life.Affirmation is to a man what Validation is to woman.

 Do you know how it feels when your feelings are not validated as a woman?That's exactly how it feels when you constantly criticize and berate your man.

There's an adage in my place that says " whatever you have referred to as the head, should never be put on the ground" (translated)

Treat your husband with the respect and honour he deserves, so that people can accord the same to him.

For wives with kids, remember that you're the primary model of what a wife, mother and of a marriage should be like to them; model wisely.

Look out for those times when he does great things, encourage him to be the best he can be.
 Close your eyes to those times when he misses the goal or fall short.
Affirmation can be learned. The more you praise him for his achievements, the harder he'll strive to be better.Remember this;

---->When you use your words to build up and encourage your husband, you're giving him a strong line of defense against extramarital affairs.

---->When you are actively, aggressively, powerfully and positively affirming him and building him up @ home he becomes less vulnerable to others appreciation"

---->Your affirmation of your husband creates a zone of protection around him- because when you affirm him, you meets some of his most basic male needs"

Eyitemi The HomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog :www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com

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INFLUENCING CHANGE

Often time when I speak to young wives, I can deduce from what they tell me and what they don't that they desire to see a change in their husbands.

They talk more about what their husbands have failed to do and how much of themselves they are giving to make their relationship/marriage work.

Now I'm not judging these wives because I was once like that. As a matter of fact I dare say their feelings are valid based on their point of view at time.

Asides marriage, in life, it's relatively easy for you and I to see and point out what others are doing wrong, forgetting that we ourselves are still work in progress.

Indeed your husband might not be giving his best or doing his best in your marriage, but until you begin to change the way you see things, you cannot make things write.

In marriage when things are not going right, you almost readily identify the reasons why things are faulty and those reasons are found in your spouse -according to you.

I have heard wives say;

- if only he would spend more time with me
- if only he would listen more
-if only he would make more sacrifices for the family and so on

How often do you look into the mirror and tell yourself for example;

"if only I could stop criticizing him"

What I am sharing with you took years for me to learn ( and I learnt them the hard way); you'lll do your marriage a lot of good if you learn and apply in good time.

Matt 7:5 talks about removing the wood in our eyes before taking out the speck in your partners eyes.

There is no perfect husband ladies, neither is there a perfect wife. We all have shortcoming and most times we choose to close our eyes to them.

I once counseled a young wife who complained that her husband was not pulling his weight in the home front.

According to her, he does not concern himself with things around the house, he doesn't helpout with the baby and even when she asks for his opinion, he says whatever she decides is fine by him.

She was so upset while we spoke and as we slowly got into the conversation, it became clear why her husband was like that.

She was a kind of woman who was very quick to give it to her husband's when he didn't get things right.

She criticized his ability to do things right and in the end her husband felt inadequate and incompetent & as a result decided to back down.

In summary her constant criticism pushed her husband into his cave

Now if we did not reveal the depth of this situation in this young woman's marriage, she and whoever she cared to share her story with would see her as the Hero and her husband as the Villain

A number of times what we give, say or do determines the kind of response we evoke from our husbands.

Some of them we can identify on the spot, others we have to really think about.

 The next time, things are not panning out the way you want them to, first take a look within.

Now, there are times when you're not directly responsible what for goes wrong or what your spouse does, and @ times like that you have to rely on what the book of 1Peter 3:1-2 says.

We (wives) have been given the perfect recipe to evoke the changes we want to see in our husbands and marriages.

While you're busy praying to see your desired change, remember to model the changes you want to see .

 We are designed to influence our husband and evoke the changes we desire.

I remember the story of young woman I read sometime ago.This woman had just been told by her husband that he was leaving her for a colleague @ work. Imagine the shock she must have felt?

This woman did not shout, or vent out how she felt, rather she calmly told her husband to still please stay @ home until their 7 year old son finished his exams to avoid any form of distraction.

She also requested that he husband carry her from the room to the door every morning and give her a kiss every morning until their Son was through.

Reluctantly he agreed and even when he told his colleague what his wife had asked him to do, she laughed @ the idea calling the move desperate.

Desperate or not, over the next few weeks this man began to see his wife in a way he had never done all those years.
Every time he carried her, he saw a woman who had sacrificed and stayed true to him all these years,
He saw a woman who had Supported him and his dreams all through the years
He saw a woman who loved him so dearly and he began to fall in love with her over again.
@ the end of those weeks, her husband could no longer bring himself to leave her or end their marriage.
She had won him over.

Can you imagine what would have happened if she had gone ballistic on him the day he broke the news?
He probably would have packed his things same day.
Wives your words and action matters a lot.
Don't be too quick to pass judgments on your husbands when they fall short because it might just be from you.
And remember that prayer and positive role modeling can save your marriage from coming to an abrupt end.

Eyitemi The HomeBuilder
BBM:2B2D2806
Twitter:@homebuilders012
Blog :www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com
Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com
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EXPECTATIONS VERSUS REALITY

One of the first major reality shocks that hit marriages, especially newly wedded couples is "Disappointment".You see, so many people enter into marriage with high hopes, a lot of expectation from the their partners and the future @ large & disappointment is what they feel when these hopes and expectations are not met.

For clarity's sake, expectation is what you hope something would turn out to be, and you & I know exactly how it feels when we had earlier hoped for doesn't come true.Over the years while you're still becoming that young lady or young man before marriage, you encounter a lot of people, events and experiences that shape your ideals, values, ethics and paradigm towards life- marriage inclusive.

Asides the "very -brief" counseling couple go through before marriage, most couples are ill- equipped for this life time journey. They enter into marriage with the knowledge they have gathered over the years.
What has been modeled to them by their parents,
What they have been told by friends,
What they have watched in the movies
What they have read in romance novels or magazines,

The list is endless and the truth is that these mediums are equips them wrongly or inadequately.Using myself as an example, my first and major ideas of marriage or what marriage should be like was was I saw being modeled to by parents.

Whether they knew it or not and whether they were deliberate about what I saw, I don't know; but I saw went a long way into molding my thoughts, ideals, values, paradigm and most importantly expectation from my future husbandAllow me @ this point to say this to any new and young parent who might be reading this now. Watch what you model before your children. Don't argue or exhibit violence before them because what they see is what they absorb, and ultimately consider as what marriage should be.

 In other words, whether your children will have a successful marriage, is dependent on what they see in their parents marriage ( to a large extent)Back to the subject matter; we enter into marriage with already set and molded expectation which are often in conflict with what our spouses believe and come in with.

When two people are dating or courting as the case maybe, most times they get carried away with romance, outing, gifts, butterfly in the belly like feeling they get that they often fail to address issues that are important.These issues are so important that it has the power to make or mar their marriages in the future.Being a life time commitment, it's very important to consider all angles before saying I do.

As a matter of fact, with the level of information available @ our beck and call, I believe this generation has what it needs to have very successful marriages. It just a shame that we do not take advantage of it.Let me share this with you, when I got married newly my husband and I ran into a lot of rough spots, due to the constant argument we always have.

I strongly believed back then that my husband no longer loved me and he felt the same way too. I held on to this deadly mindset until I learnt about love languages.

I realized later that as individuals we all have different love languages and if we do not know the love language of our partner, we would be tempted to show love to him/ her in our own language.My primary love language is physical touch & words of affirmation. I wanted my partner to hold my hands, hug me loads and affirm me with his words.While my husband primary appreciated "Acts of service" we did not understand this and as such as I spoke my own language to him, while he spoke his to me.

Now imagine how differently things could have turned out if we knew this before getting married. It would have saved us a whole lot of headache, crying, argument and stress we encountered early on.How could I expect my husband to love me the way I wanted to be loved when he did not know, and I did not tell him.

Think about this for a moment: how much of what you expect from your spouse does he/ she know?Until we begin to realize that our spouses are not mind readers, we will continue to have unmet expectations.

While still courting, talk to each other about what your idea of marriage is. Share your experiences, agree on how you would like things should be done.Knowing or having a clear idea of how you want your husband to behave towards you is not enough, especially when you stuff these expectations in your head.Expectations that go unspoken,are likely to remain unmet.

Thus without clear and specific guidance from you, expecting your husband to read your mind & and guess @ your hopes and begin to fulfill your childhood dreams is foolishness.The one way you can help your husband meet your expectations is by telling him what you hope for.

Don't keep mute in a relationship (married or still courting). Too many singles dating spend more time having Sex, instead of talking about what really matters.Don't be caught with your pants down, find out what your partners view about marriage is before committing(if you're still dating) and if you're married, cultivate the act of telling your spouse lovingly what you want, need or expect from him or your marriage.

Eyitemi The HomeBuilder
BBM:2B2D2806
Twitter:@homebuilders012
Blog :www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com
Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com
Instagram: eyitemithehomebuilder
Google +: Eyitemi Adebowale

DEAR DIARY: (THE UNTANGLED KNOT)

Have you ever tried to undo a knot so tight that it drives you nuts? Well that was my experience today. I had tied my shoe lace so tightly and un-fastening it was becoming an ordeal of a life time.

The more I struggled with it, the more I found it difficult to undo this erroneous action of mine. After struggling for a while, I realized that the only way to put myself out of this misery was to cut through the tangled knot I had created.

It was a real "Aha aaa" moment for me as it suddenly dawned on me that my life could turn out as this "tangled knot" if proper precaution was not taken. As a single lady, there's a tendency to get involved in twisted relationships due to ignorance or lack of direction.

Relationships that You, I and the whole world know from inception isn't going to work. The further you go into that relationship, the more tangled you become, and the more difficult it is to untangle you

Relationships define us, they have the power to make or mar us and our dreams. Getting involved with the wrong persons can create so much damage which ripples down into every other domain of your life.

The story of a young lady comes to mind @ a time like this.

" Naomi was a full of life "A" student for whom the future held so much promise was. She was the ideal student, daughter and role model until she met Richard. The attraction was instant as the duo became an inseparable item. Everything seemed okay until Naomi began a downward spiral to her end. She began to skip classes, sell her personal items and that of others for money and ultimately became addicted to drugs and wild parties.

Every effort to get her life back on track proved abortive until the worst happened. Richard was killed during a drug raid and his death caused Naomi to sink into a depression that worsened her addiction.

The situation reached its height when Naomi was found lying down on the floor in her bathroom with a syringe in her hands. Naomi had overdone it and passed out.

She was rushed to the hospital, thankfully she survived , and is currently recuperating in a rehab centre.

It's been 2yrs since she began her journey to recovery and although she has since made a lot of progress, she is not where she ought to be. The story of Naomi can be likened to that of the shoe-lace I had to cut after failing to unfasten it. She was forcefully dis-entangled from that relationship but she was never the same.

Don't ever assume you alone can make things right in a relationship, especially when you're single & dating or courting as the case maybe. Why commence a relationship with a guy who takes weed, Indian hemp or even cocaine? He drag you into a world so deep, that you'll be buried alive with no hope of making it back to the surface again

Or hook up with a drunk, a violent person( who beats the living daylight out of you( even when you're not married- you'd most likely be dead before you say "I DO")

Open your pretty brown eyes, I beg of you and take a walk while you still can, before you become so tangled that it would only take an intervention to set you free.

The only way I ended up removing that shoe lace was by cutting it with a pair of scissors and as I looked @ the now cut shoelace, it was a real-time example of what happens afterwards.

For those who are lucky enough to come out of this tangling situation alive, they never return the same way. They often return broken and damaged but never the same as they were before they went it.

Some relationships are like that ; TANGLED KNOTS" and should not be embarked upon from the word go. Some mistakes are irreversible, leaving their scars long after the pain had healed.

Don't mess up your beautiful life by further complicating it with involvement in the wrong relationship.
Our lives are shaped and can be measured by the people in it.

If you get so tangled up and an attempt to breakfree becomes an uphill task, then know that you'll require nothing short an intervention to be free!!!

 

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

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