Often time when I speak to young wives, I can deduce from what they tell me and what they don't that they desire to see a change in their husbands.
They talk more about what their husbands have failed to do and how much of themselves they are giving to make their relationship/marriage work.
Now I'm not judging these wives because I was once like that. As a matter of fact I dare say their feelings are valid based on their point of view at time.
Asides marriage, in life, it's relatively easy for you and I to see and point out what others are doing wrong, forgetting that we ourselves are still work in progress.
Indeed your husband might not be giving his best or doing his best in your marriage, but until you begin to change the way you see things, you cannot make things write.
In marriage when things are not going right, you almost readily identify the reasons why things are faulty and those reasons are found in your spouse -according to you.
I have heard wives say;
- if only he would spend more time with me
- if only he would listen more
-if only he would make more sacrifices for the family and so on
How often do you look into the mirror and tell yourself for example;
"if only I could stop criticizing him"
What I am sharing with you took years for me to learn ( and I learnt them the hard way); you'lll do your marriage a lot of good if you learn and apply in good time.
Matt 7:5 talks about removing the wood in our eyes before taking out the speck in your partners eyes.
There is no perfect husband ladies, neither is there a perfect wife. We all have shortcoming and most times we choose to close our eyes to them.
I once counseled a young wife who complained that her husband was not pulling his weight in the home front.
According to her, he does not concern himself with things around the house, he doesn't helpout with the baby and even when she asks for his opinion, he says whatever she decides is fine by him.
She was so upset while we spoke and as we slowly got into the conversation, it became clear why her husband was like that.
She was a kind of woman who was very quick to give it to her husband's when he didn't get things right.
She criticized his ability to do things right and in the end her husband felt inadequate and incompetent & as a result decided to back down.
In summary her constant criticism pushed her husband into his cave
Now if we did not reveal the depth of this situation in this young woman's marriage, she and whoever she cared to share her story with would see her as the Hero and her husband as the Villain
A number of times what we give, say or do determines the kind of response we evoke from our husbands.
Some of them we can identify on the spot, others we have to really think about.
The next time, things are not panning out the way you want them to, first take a look within.
Now, there are times when you're not directly responsible what for goes wrong or what your spouse does, and @ times like that you have to rely on what the book of 1Peter 3:1-2 says.
We (wives) have been given the perfect recipe to evoke the changes we want to see in our husbands and marriages.
While you're busy praying to see your desired change, remember to model the changes you want to see .
We are designed to influence our husband and evoke the changes we desire.
I remember the story of young woman I read sometime ago.This woman had just been told by her husband that he was leaving her for a colleague @ work. Imagine the shock she must have felt?
This woman did not shout, or vent out how she felt, rather she calmly told her husband to still please stay @ home until their 7 year old son finished his exams to avoid any form of distraction.
She also requested that he husband carry her from the room to the door every morning and give her a kiss every morning until their Son was through.
Reluctantly he agreed and even when he told his colleague what his wife had asked him to do, she laughed @ the idea calling the move desperate.
Desperate or not, over the next few weeks this man began to see his wife in a way he had never done all those years.
Every time he carried her, he saw a woman who had sacrificed and stayed true to him all these years,
He saw a woman who had Supported him and his dreams all through the years
He saw a woman who loved him so dearly and he began to fall in love with her over again.
@ the end of those weeks, her husband could no longer bring himself to leave her or end their marriage.
She had won him over.
Can you imagine what would have happened if she had gone ballistic on him the day he broke the news?
He probably would have packed his things same day.
Wives your words and action matters a lot.
Don't be too quick to pass judgments on your husbands when they fall short because it might just be from you.
And remember that prayer and positive role modeling can save your marriage from coming to an abrupt end.
Eyitemi The HomeBuilder
BBM:2B2D2806
Twitter:@homebuilders012
Blog :www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com
Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com
Instagram: eyitemithehomebuilder
Google +: Eyitemi Adebowale
They talk more about what their husbands have failed to do and how much of themselves they are giving to make their relationship/marriage work.
Now I'm not judging these wives because I was once like that. As a matter of fact I dare say their feelings are valid based on their point of view at time.
Asides marriage, in life, it's relatively easy for you and I to see and point out what others are doing wrong, forgetting that we ourselves are still work in progress.
Indeed your husband might not be giving his best or doing his best in your marriage, but until you begin to change the way you see things, you cannot make things write.
In marriage when things are not going right, you almost readily identify the reasons why things are faulty and those reasons are found in your spouse -according to you.
I have heard wives say;
- if only he would spend more time with me
- if only he would listen more
-if only he would make more sacrifices for the family and so on
How often do you look into the mirror and tell yourself for example;
"if only I could stop criticizing him"
What I am sharing with you took years for me to learn ( and I learnt them the hard way); you'lll do your marriage a lot of good if you learn and apply in good time.
Matt 7:5 talks about removing the wood in our eyes before taking out the speck in your partners eyes.
There is no perfect husband ladies, neither is there a perfect wife. We all have shortcoming and most times we choose to close our eyes to them.
I once counseled a young wife who complained that her husband was not pulling his weight in the home front.
According to her, he does not concern himself with things around the house, he doesn't helpout with the baby and even when she asks for his opinion, he says whatever she decides is fine by him.
She was so upset while we spoke and as we slowly got into the conversation, it became clear why her husband was like that.
She was a kind of woman who was very quick to give it to her husband's when he didn't get things right.
She criticized his ability to do things right and in the end her husband felt inadequate and incompetent & as a result decided to back down.
In summary her constant criticism pushed her husband into his cave
Now if we did not reveal the depth of this situation in this young woman's marriage, she and whoever she cared to share her story with would see her as the Hero and her husband as the Villain
A number of times what we give, say or do determines the kind of response we evoke from our husbands.
Some of them we can identify on the spot, others we have to really think about.
The next time, things are not panning out the way you want them to, first take a look within.
Now, there are times when you're not directly responsible what for goes wrong or what your spouse does, and @ times like that you have to rely on what the book of 1Peter 3:1-2 says.
We (wives) have been given the perfect recipe to evoke the changes we want to see in our husbands and marriages.
While you're busy praying to see your desired change, remember to model the changes you want to see .
We are designed to influence our husband and evoke the changes we desire.
I remember the story of young woman I read sometime ago.This woman had just been told by her husband that he was leaving her for a colleague @ work. Imagine the shock she must have felt?
This woman did not shout, or vent out how she felt, rather she calmly told her husband to still please stay @ home until their 7 year old son finished his exams to avoid any form of distraction.
She also requested that he husband carry her from the room to the door every morning and give her a kiss every morning until their Son was through.
Reluctantly he agreed and even when he told his colleague what his wife had asked him to do, she laughed @ the idea calling the move desperate.
Desperate or not, over the next few weeks this man began to see his wife in a way he had never done all those years.
Every time he carried her, he saw a woman who had sacrificed and stayed true to him all these years,
He saw a woman who had Supported him and his dreams all through the years
He saw a woman who loved him so dearly and he began to fall in love with her over again.
@ the end of those weeks, her husband could no longer bring himself to leave her or end their marriage.
She had won him over.
Can you imagine what would have happened if she had gone ballistic on him the day he broke the news?
He probably would have packed his things same day.
Wives your words and action matters a lot.
Don't be too quick to pass judgments on your husbands when they fall short because it might just be from you.
And remember that prayer and positive role modeling can save your marriage from coming to an abrupt end.
Eyitemi The HomeBuilder
BBM:2B2D2806
Twitter:@homebuilders012
Blog :www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com
Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com
Instagram: eyitemithehomebuilder
Google +: Eyitemi Adebowale
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