MARRIAGE AND YOUR DREAM

On my way to work early this morning, the radio station played a song by NAS titled “I Know I Can Be What I Wanna Be”. Of the voices of the little children felt good as much as the song inspired them for the future. I enjoyed the chorus for a while and the moment the artiste began to RAP, I tuned out (I’m not a fan of RAP music). I was drawn back to the song when my husband called the name “Whitney Houston”. I turned to ask him what prompted him to cal her name out of the blues, and he made me realize that the young girls with a promising career who ended up with the wrong person; referred to in his RAP was Whitney. Whether my husband is right or wrong I’m yet to verify, but it reminded me of how much the choice of a life partner can MAKE or MAR one’s destiny. The story of Whitney Houston is one of the many stories of women who could not maximize their potentials or hit the peak of their career because of the choice of man they married. A lot of single ladies are too busy focusing on that day when they get to wear white and look all glamorous that they lose sight of what is really important. As beautiful as love is, marriage to the wrong person can crush your dreams in an instant. Everybody created; male and female were made for a purpose and given an assignment. Our lives will constantly have a vacuum if we fail to discover and fulfill this assignment of ours. Originally by design, marriage ought to make you better. It’s supposed to bring out the best in you and help you maximize your potential. Many years ago I watched a movie about the life of Tina Turner and her husband who was described as a drug addicted wife beater was one the major factors why she did not reach the apex. As a single lady whoever you intend to get married to must be someone who sees the talent in you and is willing to help you nurture and maximize it. While dating, please get your head out of the cloud, and look out for these signs so that you would save yourself heartaches tomorrow. This explains why singles are advised to be actively engaged in an activity or career path before you say I DO. (Read my article on LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE WELL & THE WOMAN IN THE FIELD for clarity- www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com/2012/12/lessons-from-woman-at-well-rebecca-for.html?m+=1 ). If you keep your life on hold waiting for a man to come along, chances are that when you discover your true self, it might not align with your husband’s and family’s goal. Even if you have not started working in the practicality of your dreams, you can share them with your fiancés and it can be decided there and then if he’s and yours can be aligned. No matter how much he loves you and how gentlemanly he appears, upon marriage his position as a husband cannot be contested or disputed. Whatever he says is want becomes what you are obliged to accept and follow. Since a man is the head of the family, he has the ability to support your dreams or put an end to it. Some are probably thinking that if that becomes the situation, they would talk a walk (end the marriage), but why take chances at divorces and heartache when it can be avoided. Marriage is not a child’s play; its serious business that will influence every single domain of your life. It goes beyond the kisses, caresses and sex that come along with it. All these things will become irrelevant if you are unhappy or unfulfilled. Marriage does not give fulfillment. From experience I’ve come to discover, your purpose will take flight if it aligns with that of husband. Earlier in my marriage there were a number of things I wanted to venture into which did not sit well with my husband. According to him my goals were going to be pulling the family in opposite directions. We were conflicted over this issue until God opened my eyes to the assignment he had for me. God is not an author of confusion. If your dream is to see the world; then don’t marry a man who simply wants a quiet and simple life. There are a number of reasons why man can decide to support or put an end to his wife’s dreams. Some can be avoided (before marriage), some can be managed while some are out of your circle of control.                                 5 REASONS WHY HE MIGHT NOT SUPPORT YOUR DREAMS JEALOUSY, ENVY, INSECURITY: some men find it difficult to cope when people around them appear to be doing better than they are, and their wife is no exception. This is the way they have always been even before marriage, while for others, pursing your dreams or succeeding at what you make them feel insecure. Whatever the case may be, if you’re married to a man like this you need to ask God for directions on how to handle the situation. If you are dating someone like this, take my advice. RUN FEELING OF ABANDONMENT OR BEING LEFT OUT: Even if your husband’s interest differs from yours, it won’t hurt if you carry him along and try to involve him in what you do as much as possible. When you do that, it reassures your husband that he is still very much on your mind that you respect him and most of all appreciate his support. CONFLICTED GOALS: The bible says that 2 cannot work together except they agree. When the goals of you and your husband begin to differ, then trouble will start to brew. Don’t pursue dreams that will pull your family in opposite directions. That is why it’s necessary for single women to talk about their plans, goals, dream and aspiration with their prospective spouses. It’s usually an eye opener for most relationships. MISPLACED PRIORITY: when a wives career gets into full blown motion, it’s relatively easy for her to get carried away and ignore her PRIMARY RESPONSIBILTY. The key word here is PRIMARY; because before your job, career and ministry, you are supposed to be a helpmeet to your husband and a mother to your children. If your dreams won’t let you perform this duty, don’t blame your husband for saying NO. Your priorities must be aligned. CULTURAL BACK GROUND, BELIEFS & VALUES: Some men are simply traditional in their thinking and approach to life. They believe a woman’s place is under a man rather than by his side. They were taught that way, and they grew up seeing it things that way. A woman was designed to be by a man’s side not under his feet and certainly not above him. Men who reason like this will not allow their wives function as a help meet not to mention allowing her pursue her dreams. The list is not conclusive but for married women, if you and husband are still conflicted on this subject matter, take time to find out why and if you’re still single, then you still have the chance to save yourself from these errors. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE ROYALTY

After going through Psalm 45:11 I was amazed ;           " The King adores you,              He is your master,              So do what he desires " (CEV)            " The King is wild for you,              Since he is your Lord, adore him, (MSG)            " For your royal husband delights in your beauty,              Honour him for he is your Lord " (NLT) Two things struck me here,; the word King was used interchangably for the word husband in the first 2 versions & in the 3rd version he was called "royal husband ". That tells me that my husband is my crown, my King and I ought to treat him like royalty. I remember listening to an older woman sighted a classic example. According to her young wives on the average usually keep their finest china (plates) and glassware for special occassions to thrill & serve guest. In her opinion which I now subscribe to, the finest and best china should be used to serve the most important person in our lives - Our Husband. Often times, the stress of everyday living makes your touchy, & grouchy and you might end up responding to your husband in a not so good way (I get that way at times) . All the same if you have it at the back of your mind that your husband is a King and the most important person in your life, your actions will align to treat him like royalty. Moving on to the second half of this verse, the bride is told on how she is expected to respond to her Royal husband.  Whether she's adoring him, doing what he desires or honouring him, it all comes down to one thing -RESPECT. A man is NEVER COMPLETE, NEVER SATISFIED & NEVER HAPPY if he cannot command the respect of those around him, especially his wife. Respect is to a man's esteem what food id to the belly. If you cannot respect him, you can't win his heart, If you cannot win his heart, you can't get his favour, If you cannot get his favour, your marriage cannot suceed. As much as every man differs and what might be insulting for A might not be for B, there are basic ground rules. In a movie I  watched tittled "A FAMILY THAT PREYS " by Tyler Perry, I watched a young wife tell her husband "DON'T BE SILLY "! Now I thought to myself that the average Nigerian man would never accept this ... It might be aceeptable in another part of the world, but would be considered as downright rudeness here in Nigeria. Therefore in treating your husband like royalty you must watch how you speak to him. It your speech won't make him feel any better, ZIP IT! Another way you can make your husband feel like royalty is putting in effort to make him special meals. Some people say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his belly ; while I don't subscribe to that school of thought, I believe every man likes good food. There's a whole lot of difference between food you just put together & food you put in effort to make -trust me men can tell the difference.  They appreciate it when you do that and it makes them feel a whole lot special. Whether it's once or twice a week,  make sure you put up something special for that man. Respect must be given to your husband at 3 levels - Respect him in words - Respect him in thought - Respect him in deeds (action) Disrespect can cost you your royal benefits, just like it did to Queen Vashti -Esther 1:1-end (she disrespected her husband in deeds) .... There's always a Price for disrespecting your husband & trust me you don't want to pay it. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She's also a lifestyle writer for Naija Parrot. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012             

My thoughts on LEAVING & CLEAVING

My thoughts on Leaving and Cleaving…… I was studying the bible yesterday when I came across psalm 45; a Psalm which gives a representation of a royal marriage between a King and his bride. Reading through I discovered that the Psalm is divided into 3 sections; The first section (Verses1-9) talks about the virtues and goodness of the King(the Bridegroom) The second section (Verses 10 &11) gives counsel to the young wife to be The third section (the remaining part of that chapter) prophesies into the future of the marriage As I read through, my mind pondered on verse 10, and I sought new insight to this familiar instruction from God’s word; “Bride of the King, Listen carefully to me. Forget your own people and your father’s family” Without a doubt, the subject matter of leaving and cleaving is not new ; but the question is how well do we understands this principle? In a family unit, there are 2 types of relationships; the parent - child relationship (which is temporal) and for the first 20 years of your life thereabout, its a primary relationship to you. This is the relationship that requires the LEAVING Next is the husband - wife relationship which becomes primary the moment you say "I DO "  This relationship is permanent &it requires a CLEAVING. The problem arises when people fail to make the switch at the right time. In LEAVING your parents, it doesn't mean you should severe all ties with them.  It is the act of creating both a physical and emotional distance. It requires that you live, act & reason independently of your parents.  They no longer get to call the shots, neither are they still in charge.  Your loyalty and devotion now lies primarily with your husband. CLEAVING on the other hand is about joining yourself to partner to become one. There can be no CLEAVING without a LEAVING. That being said, I began to think again, when we talk about things hindering us from CLEAVING, we're indirectly saying there are things yet to be left. From experience, I've come to realize that  it's not only our parents we need to leave, its every habit, association, mindset and activity that stands between our LEAVING & CLEAVING. A large chunk of the crises in homes is because one party is not ready to LEAVE. So I ask you, what's that habit, attitude or lifestyle that is stopping you fron CLEAVING to your husband ; Is it the way you dress, the Friends you keep, your independent nature, your selfish desire to do things that please you yourself only and so on? What ever keeps you from CLEAVING needs to be left behind for your marriage to work. Its a pretty short message I know, but if You're single and you're not ready to leave your way of life, then you're not ready for marriage. Young ladies, the number 1 thing you should look out for in a man proposing marriage to you is if he is READY TO LEAVE. It's not by asking him, they are things you can see with your own naked eyes if you care to open them. Le me share a short illustration from Tony Evans " Adam recognized immediately how distinctly different Eve was from him, and he was excited about those differences. Adam also knew that Eve was part of him; she made him complete and drove his loneliness away. He called her ``bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.'' She was his helpmate and completer. It was love at first sight for Adam and Eve what we call a ``match made in heaven'' and with God's blessing they married immediately. Although it was Adam who gave us the introduction to marriage vows, the words were prompted by God. Verse 24 says, ``For this cause [because she was taken out of man], a man shall leave his father and his mother [Adam didn't have parents but would have left them for Eve], and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.'' That is marriage in a nutshell: leave, cleave, and become one. The great tragedy is that most people have heard these words many times but don't know what they mean. Let's take a closer look at this passage. The first step in marriage is for the man to leave his father and mother. If you are going to marry, you must be willing to sever ties. Women, if a man tells you he's going to marry you but is not willing to break with everything necessary to show you that there is nothing more important in life than loving you and spending time with you, that man doesn't understand marriage and isn't ready for it. Marriage means demonstrating a willingness to give up everything, because, as Adam said, ``This is now!'' Although a man might say he loves you, and as much as you'd like to think he's promising to share his whole life with you, he may only plan to work you into his schedule. He may not be planning to sever any ties, cut back on any activities, or give up anything for you. That kind of man doesn't know what marriage is about. God asks a man to give up the closest ties he has, because one of woman's greatest needs in marriage is for security. That is why a woman will sometimes ask her husband to hold her. Most men misinterpret that as a request for physical intimacy, but if the emotional need for security is on her mind, she is not thinking about physical desires. Because a wife needs to feel secure, a husband must leave his former ties. There must be something he gives up for his wife in order to demonstrate to her how deep a commitment he is willing to make. When he does that, he will begin to understand what marriage is all about." If a man is called to leav his father & Mother, how much more his Friends, lifestyle, habits..... Someone might be wondering if marriage means giving up everything that makes you an individual, I'll say no.....marriage means letting go of everything and everyone who won't let you cleave to your partner. So the next time you hear "a man shall leave his father and mother & cleave to his wife " remember there are a lot of other things you need to leave behind too. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12

LESSON FROM THE WOMAN IN THE FIELDS FOR SINGLES : RUTH

LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN IN THE FIELDS FOR SINGLES: RUTH As a continuation of our series on Lessons from women of virtue, we take a look at the life of Ruth, the great- grandmother of the King David, and of course one of very few women privileged to be in the lineage of JESUS or LINEAGE OF GRACE as it’s popularly called. The life of Ruth is one that reflects her virtues, shows what made her thick, how she became history’s favourite and how she was privileged to be found by the right man. Privileged because with or without Ruth, the messiah was pre designated to come from Bethlehem in Judah…… LESSON 1: RUTH HAD UNSHAKABLE LOYALTY. Ruth’s loyalty here is a very rare one. After her husband dies, she had every right, and opportunity to go back to her family, her people and her way of life. She was not in any way obliged to Naomi (Mother In-law) but yet she was ready to leave the familiar and stick with her mother in-law who did not seem like she had anything to offer her. This is true loyalty. It’s easy to appear loyal when you know you will be rewarded for it, but for RUTH, the story was different. She was going back with her mother in-law who has lost everything and despite the fact that she was from Bethlehem, she was returning to the unknown. Do you consider yourself as a loyal person? Are you someone who stays true even when things don’t look good, or do you run at the slightest confrontation from challenges? Marriage is a journey that will challenge you and your spouse and no man wants a woman who will only stand by him when the going is good. LESSON 2: RUTH HAD A SENSE OF PURPOSE. Like Myles Munroe once said “once purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable” if you don’t know want you want out of life, people will decide for you. Even though the future seemed bleak and uncertain, RUTH was certain about one thing, WHEREVER HER MOTHER INLAW WAS GOING, SO WAS SHE. Her purpose at that point in time was to follow her mother in-law and be with her until death. It was so strong that Naomi could not convince her to do otherwise. Even though Orpah left, Ruth knew what she wanted and she was not turning back. What do you stand for now that you are still single? What is your purpose, where does your focus lie? Your purpose ultimately informs your actions. The moment you figure out what you want to do with your life, your actions will align with it. Otherwise life will be meaningless and of course you will be a leach in every relationship you enter into. LESSON 3: RUTH GOT OVER HER TRAGEDY AND HAD A LIFE: To lose a loved one is a very traumatic experience and that includes the death of a husband. Imagine how RUTH felt when her husband died. The future must have seemed bleak for a widow with no child to call her own. It was enough for her to go into depression and wallow in self pity for the rest of her life. Sure people would pity her and understand her pains but soon enough the world would move on and RUTH would have been forgotten. Instead, she choose to take a step forward, she managed her tragedy, got over it and opened up to ne experiences and opportunity by leaving her people and going with her mother in-law. Even when they arrived in a new town, RUTH did not just sit down and wait for things to happen, she went out to look for work. She got engaged in an activity and continued with life. I remember a post I once came across on face book. It read something like “Keep saying I don’t trust men while your mates are getting married every Saturday” that was truly hilarious because it reminded of the cliché you find among single ladies. They complain about being jilted, cheated upon, and mistreated and so on. Honestly I understand it’s not a good experience but for Christ’s sake, give somebody else a chance. Stop using Paul’s stick to measure Peter. If you don’t get past your hurt you might never find a suitable partner. Get over that man, get over that hurt, let go of that bitterness, and get a life. LESSON 4: RUTH WAS HARD-WORKING: I’m sure this sounds familiar already as seen also in the life of Rebecca in the previous lesson. When Boaz got to his field and inquired about the young woman who was picking from behind, he was told about whom she was and that she had been picking all day since morning without taking a break. Like my mother always said, character is like smoke you can’t keep if hidden for too long; because it will always find a way out” RUTH’s hard work came to light and apparently she was not doing it because she knew the owner of the field or she was getting paid. There’s no need to dwell on this subject matter because there’s no substitute for hard work; you’re either hardworking or you’re lazy. LESSON 5: RUTH UNDERSTOOD THAT APPEARANCE WAS IMPORTANT: Unlike Rebecca, the Bible did not describe RUTH as a beautiful woman, but when she was to meet up with Boaz, she washed her face, perfumed herself and dressed nicely. Ladies, looking good is good business, it mattered before Christ and it still matters now. “If you can catch his eye, you can’t capture his heart”. Moderation is key though; so you don’t scare him in an attempt to capture his heart. LESSON 6: RUTH LISTENED TO THE COUNSEL OF THE MOTHER FIGURE IN HER LIFE- NAOMI: Until Naomi said so, Ruth was not thinking about her marriage options. Not only did Naomi conceive the grand plan to get Ruth a husband, RUTH listened to her OLD FASHIONED MOTHER INLAW. She was asked to go and lie at Boaz’s feet which symbolized she wanted to be under his protection and considered for marriage; and she did it exactly as she was told. A lot of young ladies perceive their parents and other authority figures in their life as old fashioned and no trendy and as such they tend to do things their own way. The outcome as we all know is usually disastrous. If you can’t accept the authority of your parents now, you would find it hard to accept that of your husband. Submission is not a virtue you develop in marriage; it is developed over the years before marriage. Are you submissive? Do you listen and act in accordance to the authority figures in your life? LESSON 7: RUTH WAS NOT A MATERIAL GIRL: The moment her desires were revealed to Boaz, he commended her for not pursuing desires based on sight. Now what Boaz expected was that a young lady like RUTH would have preferred young men in her age category. In Ruth 3:10 Boaz addressed her as “my daughter” which means Boaz must have been far older than she was. In fact in my research, I came across a material that said Boaz was about 80 years while RUTH was 40 years of age… now even I can’t get my head around that age difference. While I can’t confirm the validity of that statement, Boaz was far older than she was. As such he was most surprised when she showed her willingness to be his wife. I honestly cannot speak for you on what must have drawn her to Boaz, but I know she saw Boaz as a kins man who could redeem and prevent her husband’s line and of course there’s no questioning that Boaz had a good heart. A lot of singles today go after men get married to men for the wrong reasons. Examine yourself while you’re dating that man and before you say “I DO” make sure your reasons are valid. Money, good looks, position and power can be stripped from a man at any time “T”. Make sure you marry that that man for those things that cannot be taken. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12

LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE WELL: REBECCA (FOR SINGLES) GEN24

LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE WELL :REBECCA (FOR SINGLES) Gen 24 As much as civilization has changed our world & the way we live ,some things will always  remain. When it comes to love, romance and marriage men & women  have always wanted the same thing.  Every man desires a woman who is decent, beautiful, hardworking, committed and every good virtue you can Imagine; while every single lady desires to be found by some "Prince Charming " These were the same desires women the bible days wanted and Rebecca was no exception. The point here is that of all the women who came out that evening to draw water from the well, Only one was chosen.....Let's find out why : LESSON 1: She was SELF DISCIPLINED & RESPONSIBLE ; History has it that Rebecca was born into nobility. Her father Bethuel was the ruler of Aram Naharam. So her father must have had a number of handmaidens who were available to carry out the chores.All the same, Bible records that when it was evening, the time all the young ladies came out to fetch water, Rebecca was among them. This young lady did not seat at home to look pretty while the servants did all the work, she knew the essence of training herself & preparing herself for the future.  I'm certain it was not only fetching Rebecca did, she must have done some cooking, washing & cleaning around the house. This is where most young ladies miss it. I've heard some ladies say few months before their wedding, they would take a crash course in cooking and I wonder how well they will fare. Just like Rebecca, you cannot tell exactly when your Isaac will come knocking for you and how terrible will it be if you're not ready. It doesn't matter what your background is or who your father is, get of your high horse and discipline yourself. Instill values that will be beneficial to you in the future. Imagine if Rebecca had sat back at home that evening, she would have missed out on Isaac and history. Marriage requires a lot and the earlier you start preparing, the better. Stop using that pedicure & manicure as an excuse. LESSON 2: She was KIND & EAGER TO HELP : The World is such a funny place today and what you see around is people who care about themselves alone. I know some people have gotten their fingers burnt in the process of trying to help others ; but there's a proverb in Yoruba that says " if we keep our eyes close because something entered into it, we would not know when something or someone good is passing by ". Every time you get the chance  to do something good, consider it an opportunity.  The prayer you should be praying as a single lady is that God should open your eyes to opportunities that would yield positive results. Rebecca did not know Elizer from Adam, neither did he look incapable of getting water for himself & his team (10 other men who travelled with him) yet she responded to him nicely and eagerly when he asked for water. Some ladies are still single because they have not mastered the art of being nice to others and being genuiely selfless & become sensitive to the needs of others. LESSON 3: She had INITIATIVE : I remember as a teenager, if i walked past a piece of litter on the floor or a something that wasn't in the right place, my father would ask me to use my initiative and do the right thing. Initiative in its simplest  term was the ability to do the right thing without begin told. Initiative was what put Rebecca in Elizers radar. Not only was she KIND, COURTEOUS & WILLING TO HELP, initiative told her the Camels must have been exhausted too. When you see something that shouldn't be, dont wait to be told before you do the right thing. Initiative is a sign of maturity and it might be the trait that causes that Prince Charming to notice you. LESSON 4: She was HARDWORKING & HAD STRONG WORK ETHICS. Do have any idea what it means to give water to camels to drink? . I understand that for one camel to be satisfied it would need about 20-30 gallons of water. Now Imagine how much water 10 thirsty camels would have needed. 200 gallons at the very least. Now Imagine Rebecca fetching 200 gallons to satisfy a stranger. It's not like she knew what was on his mind or the kind of woman he was looking for, Rebecca was just being trueto herself. No man wants to marry a lazy woman, not only because she would become a liability to him, what would she teach her children? Lazyness is not an attractive feature& trust me no amount of Mary Kay, Brazillian weavon or body figure can make up for it. The Proverbs 31 woman was refered to as an early riser and higly industrious wife. If you're lazy now that you're single, marriage will not automatically turn you into an hardworking wife. It starts now. LESSON 5: SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL :Genesis 24:15 described her as a beautiful woman & I'm sure you're wondering what beauty has to do since it usually out of your control.  True some women are more Attractive than others, but every woman is beautifully & wonderfully made. There's  a man for every colour, size, shape & height of woman in existence but we must remember that men are visual in nature and all your virtues will not be discovered if you dont look appealing.  Before we heard all about Rebecca's exploit, we were told of how beautiful she was. A lot of women came to that well, but Elizer chose her. Please Ladies, in getting your Isaac, there's a part for God to play & there's a part for you to play. God will not come down to dress you. He has made you beautifully, how you present yourself is your choice. , LESSON 6: SHE HAD DEVOTION TO HER UNSEEN HUSBAND & FAITH IN GOD'S PLAN FOR HER LIFE. After Elizer had delivered his message, he wanted to leave with Rebecca the next day but her family wanted her to stay for a few more days. Eventually Rebecca was asked to make a choice and she chose to leave. For me I was wowed. She had no idea who this Isaac was, neither did she know if he would love her, if she would love him of whether they would be compatible. She only knew one thing.  The marriage had been agreed upon, Isaac was now her husband and her devotion & loyalty must be to him. I know the situation is different these days and you might be wondering just how can you show devotion your future husband? It's in your everyday life- you show devotion to your future husband by keeping yourself, watch what you do, how you dress, talk & people you associate with. Ask yourself in every situation, if your future husband were to see you now, would he be proud of who you are, your actions?  If would he be ashamed. These days I've heard stories of young men who go on the internet to conduct a cyber search on ladies that interest them. So Imagine if you have gone in some crazy adventure, and the have some nude picture of yourself on the net. Or those crazy pictures of young ladies being circulated on the phone. If your future husband finds out about your past, would he proud?  If the answer is NO,  then watch it. Live each day in devotion to your future hearthrob. LESSON 7: SHE HAD FAITH IN GOD'S PLAN FOR HER LIFE. Nobody can teach you this just like no one taught Rebecca. If its God, you must learn to let go & trust. This is a lesson all women (single or married)  must learn to embrace. As a single lady, you must trust in God's plan for a suitable partner, don't try to manipulate a man into being your husband,  trust God & allow things unfold. Faith in God is the ultimate because God wont let you down. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12 ……..building homes one wise woman at a time

LESSONS FROM THE WELL FOR THE SINGLE & MARRIED WOMAN

LESSONS FROM THE WELL FOR THE SINGLE & MARRIED WOMAN Back in the days, especially in the middle east, WELLS were one of the most valuable asset an individual could posses that point in time; due to the scarcity of water prevalent in that region. This explains why Abraham and Isaac constantly had to settle disputes and contentions over their wells. The level of civilization at that time coupled with what the people did for a living (Herding & Agriculture) placed a heavy demand on water. A WELL was an assets and whoever owned one guarded it jealously. In the book of proverbs 5:15-20, a wife was likened to a WELL or FOUNTAIN OF WATER. The common word there being water; it was like the life force of everything that existed. I believe there are a lot of lessons we as women could learn from this “OLD WISE WELL” whether we are single or married. 3 LESSONS FROM THE WELL WATERED WELL 1.PRIVATE PROPERTY: The moment you get married, you belong to your husband alone and nobody else. Of course I know women are not some commodity to be bought and used to adorn the house, but I have used the term Private Property so it can easily be related to. A number of new brides struggle with this reality; as they tend to hold on to some of the ways they used to do things prior to I DO. I for example struggled with the idea of not being able to make my decisions independently as I used to before I got married. My husband expected that before I made any major decision whether it’s about my personal life or it concerns the both of us, we must have talked about it and agreed on the course of action to be taken. For some other women it’s their inability to manage their relationships with old friends and make time for their new husbands. Marriage is not a call to confinement or imprisonment, as some people put it. Marriage is a big deal; (Contrary to what the media wants us to believe`) it’s a covenant relationship between a man and a woman with God as the witness, the binding force and at the centre of it. Marriage should be respected. Your way of life, actions, appearance, and the words of your mouth should be a reflection of modesty, a sense of ownership to yours truly. There are public wells and there are private wells. In the Bible days, men fought over the ownership of these WELLS, (Gen 26:14-22), firstly because of what it’s worth and secondly because Public Wells had little or nothing to offer. I sometimes here single ladies say things like: I prefer being friends with boys, they are so much easier to get along with” If that is you, I guarantee you that your husband will not understand that ENGLISH of yours once you say I DO. Like I said once you get married, you belong to your husband, act like it. 2.A CALL TO SERVICE: I honestly do not think a WELL would be worth anything if it fails to provide water. The water from the well serves as a source of GROWTH, SUSTANANCE & NOURISHMENT. If what lies within you does not help your husband or your family, then you no better than a dry, polluted and abandoned well. Although the water that comes from the well is visible & tangible, the water from you as a wife is whatever essence or virtue you possesses which becomes a plus to your family. I could be your trading skills which leads to additional income for your family, it could be your homemaking skills which simplifies the life of everyone around you, it could your cooking skills which makes your entire households to come running home every evening. There must be something within you (water) that you use to serve and meet your family’s needs. MARRIAGE IS A CALL TO SERVICE 3.STAY CONNECTED TO SOURCE: No matter how privatized a well is, or how many people it serves, it will soon go dry if it’s not connected to source. As a woman (married or single) you must recognize the place of God as the giver of all inspiration. Dwelling daily on the word of God will keep you clean from every pollution, debris or dirt and help you stay fresh and relevant. The bottom line is that is that if you see yourself as a well, you will realize that your value comes from your content. i.e. what you have to offer; so the thoughts I leave you with is to ask yourself. “What kind of well are you and what kind of water do you have to offer?” ************************************************************************ Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12 ……..building homes one wise woman at a time

WHEN HE DOESN'T MEASURE UP

WHEN HE DOESN'T MEASURE UP...... Recently, I've had to be reminded about our humane nature, the mortality of each one of us & most importantly the vulnerability of man; this is the feeling you get when you're suddenly dissapointed or a much anticipated desire falls short. Prior to marriage a lot of young women are filled with dreams & anticipation of what their ideal or dream marriage would look like; but these expectations are soon met with reality- -The reality that no one is perfect, -The reality that you should not have depended or trusted so much in man -The reality that God is the only one who can fufill all your expectations without letting you down It happens in everyday life & our marriages are no exceptions. I'm not saying you should not have expectations of your husbands; for example; -you expect your husband to love you, -you expect him to be faithful to you, -you expect him to fulfill his leadership roles in your marriage & your home -You expect him to be there for your children ..... The list is varied & endless for every woman, marriage & home. But you must remember that your husband is only human & there WILL be times he won't measure up or live up to expectations ; just as You & I as Wives have failed to live it up @ some point in time. I've realized especially from experience that on the average we set expectations based on people's strenght & personalities. For example its easy to put an honest man or a man with intergrity in charge of Money because you expect him not to steal; same thing applies in your marriage . Psalm 20:7-8" some trust in chariots & some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees & they fall, but we rise & stand firm " So the next time you experience a big let down in your marriage, take it as a subtle reminder from God telling you to trust him instead. The whole idea is to rely on The Spirit of God to work through your spouse & make up for those places where he might fall short. Zer 4:6 "its not by power or by  might, but by His Spirit. When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to burst into a fury  of anger, -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to apportion blames & make him realize how incapable he is -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to shout it on the rooftops -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to hold on to malicious grudges -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to stop loving......... - It's a time to pray for his weaknesses & They strenght he so much needs -It's a time to love even when you don't feel like it or think he is not deserving of it (That's unconditional) A let down on the  part of your partner is a feed back process that calls for sincere & open dialouge. Your place as a partner or a wife is not to be the first one to castigate him or laugh at him when he falters; neither is is for you judge him. Your job function is to help him stand again. Ecc 4:9 says "2 are better than 1; while verse 10 says "if one falls down ;his friend can help him up " The Bible recognises there will be times we fall, times when our strenght fails us, but things will be a lot easier when there's a friend to help us up. This is the core of my message; WHEN YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T MEASURE UP; MAKE SURE YOU'RE THAT WIFE (FRIEND) WHO HELPS HIM UP(Ecc 4:9-12); NOT ONE THAT DIGS HIS GRAVE...... ®HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL  2012 .........Building homes one wise woman at a time To receive daily updates from our blog, visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 You can also send your questions, enquiry and comments to homebuilders@gmail.com -