My thoughts on LEAVING & CLEAVING

My thoughts on Leaving and Cleaving…… I was studying the bible yesterday when I came across psalm 45; a Psalm which gives a representation of a royal marriage between a King and his bride. Reading through I discovered that the Psalm is divided into 3 sections; The first section (Verses1-9) talks about the virtues and goodness of the King(the Bridegroom) The second section (Verses 10 &11) gives counsel to the young wife to be The third section (the remaining part of that chapter) prophesies into the future of the marriage As I read through, my mind pondered on verse 10, and I sought new insight to this familiar instruction from God’s word; “Bride of the King, Listen carefully to me. Forget your own people and your father’s family” Without a doubt, the subject matter of leaving and cleaving is not new ; but the question is how well do we understands this principle? In a family unit, there are 2 types of relationships; the parent - child relationship (which is temporal) and for the first 20 years of your life thereabout, its a primary relationship to you. This is the relationship that requires the LEAVING Next is the husband - wife relationship which becomes primary the moment you say "I DO "  This relationship is permanent &it requires a CLEAVING. The problem arises when people fail to make the switch at the right time. In LEAVING your parents, it doesn't mean you should severe all ties with them.  It is the act of creating both a physical and emotional distance. It requires that you live, act & reason independently of your parents.  They no longer get to call the shots, neither are they still in charge.  Your loyalty and devotion now lies primarily with your husband. CLEAVING on the other hand is about joining yourself to partner to become one. There can be no CLEAVING without a LEAVING. That being said, I began to think again, when we talk about things hindering us from CLEAVING, we're indirectly saying there are things yet to be left. From experience, I've come to realize that  it's not only our parents we need to leave, its every habit, association, mindset and activity that stands between our LEAVING & CLEAVING. A large chunk of the crises in homes is because one party is not ready to LEAVE. So I ask you, what's that habit, attitude or lifestyle that is stopping you fron CLEAVING to your husband ; Is it the way you dress, the Friends you keep, your independent nature, your selfish desire to do things that please you yourself only and so on? What ever keeps you from CLEAVING needs to be left behind for your marriage to work. Its a pretty short message I know, but if You're single and you're not ready to leave your way of life, then you're not ready for marriage. Young ladies, the number 1 thing you should look out for in a man proposing marriage to you is if he is READY TO LEAVE. It's not by asking him, they are things you can see with your own naked eyes if you care to open them. Le me share a short illustration from Tony Evans " Adam recognized immediately how distinctly different Eve was from him, and he was excited about those differences. Adam also knew that Eve was part of him; she made him complete and drove his loneliness away. He called her ``bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.'' She was his helpmate and completer. It was love at first sight for Adam and Eve what we call a ``match made in heaven'' and with God's blessing they married immediately. Although it was Adam who gave us the introduction to marriage vows, the words were prompted by God. Verse 24 says, ``For this cause [because she was taken out of man], a man shall leave his father and his mother [Adam didn't have parents but would have left them for Eve], and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.'' That is marriage in a nutshell: leave, cleave, and become one. The great tragedy is that most people have heard these words many times but don't know what they mean. Let's take a closer look at this passage. The first step in marriage is for the man to leave his father and mother. If you are going to marry, you must be willing to sever ties. Women, if a man tells you he's going to marry you but is not willing to break with everything necessary to show you that there is nothing more important in life than loving you and spending time with you, that man doesn't understand marriage and isn't ready for it. Marriage means demonstrating a willingness to give up everything, because, as Adam said, ``This is now!'' Although a man might say he loves you, and as much as you'd like to think he's promising to share his whole life with you, he may only plan to work you into his schedule. He may not be planning to sever any ties, cut back on any activities, or give up anything for you. That kind of man doesn't know what marriage is about. God asks a man to give up the closest ties he has, because one of woman's greatest needs in marriage is for security. That is why a woman will sometimes ask her husband to hold her. Most men misinterpret that as a request for physical intimacy, but if the emotional need for security is on her mind, she is not thinking about physical desires. Because a wife needs to feel secure, a husband must leave his former ties. There must be something he gives up for his wife in order to demonstrate to her how deep a commitment he is willing to make. When he does that, he will begin to understand what marriage is all about." If a man is called to leav his father & Mother, how much more his Friends, lifestyle, habits..... Someone might be wondering if marriage means giving up everything that makes you an individual, I'll say no.....marriage means letting go of everything and everyone who won't let you cleave to your partner. So the next time you hear "a man shall leave his father and mother & cleave to his wife " remember there are a lot of other things you need to leave behind too. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. 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