MARRIAGE AND YOUR DREAM

On my way to work early this morning, the radio station played a song by NAS titled “I Know I Can Be What I Wanna Be”. Of the voices of the little children felt good as much as the song inspired them for the future. I enjoyed the chorus for a while and the moment the artiste began to RAP, I tuned out (I’m not a fan of RAP music). I was drawn back to the song when my husband called the name “Whitney Houston”. I turned to ask him what prompted him to cal her name out of the blues, and he made me realize that the young girls with a promising career who ended up with the wrong person; referred to in his RAP was Whitney. Whether my husband is right or wrong I’m yet to verify, but it reminded me of how much the choice of a life partner can MAKE or MAR one’s destiny. The story of Whitney Houston is one of the many stories of women who could not maximize their potentials or hit the peak of their career because of the choice of man they married. A lot of single ladies are too busy focusing on that day when they get to wear white and look all glamorous that they lose sight of what is really important. As beautiful as love is, marriage to the wrong person can crush your dreams in an instant. Everybody created; male and female were made for a purpose and given an assignment. Our lives will constantly have a vacuum if we fail to discover and fulfill this assignment of ours. Originally by design, marriage ought to make you better. It’s supposed to bring out the best in you and help you maximize your potential. Many years ago I watched a movie about the life of Tina Turner and her husband who was described as a drug addicted wife beater was one the major factors why she did not reach the apex. As a single lady whoever you intend to get married to must be someone who sees the talent in you and is willing to help you nurture and maximize it. While dating, please get your head out of the cloud, and look out for these signs so that you would save yourself heartaches tomorrow. This explains why singles are advised to be actively engaged in an activity or career path before you say I DO. (Read my article on LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE WELL & THE WOMAN IN THE FIELD for clarity- www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com/2012/12/lessons-from-woman-at-well-rebecca-for.html?m+=1 ). If you keep your life on hold waiting for a man to come along, chances are that when you discover your true self, it might not align with your husband’s and family’s goal. Even if you have not started working in the practicality of your dreams, you can share them with your fiancés and it can be decided there and then if he’s and yours can be aligned. No matter how much he loves you and how gentlemanly he appears, upon marriage his position as a husband cannot be contested or disputed. Whatever he says is want becomes what you are obliged to accept and follow. Since a man is the head of the family, he has the ability to support your dreams or put an end to it. Some are probably thinking that if that becomes the situation, they would talk a walk (end the marriage), but why take chances at divorces and heartache when it can be avoided. Marriage is not a child’s play; its serious business that will influence every single domain of your life. It goes beyond the kisses, caresses and sex that come along with it. All these things will become irrelevant if you are unhappy or unfulfilled. Marriage does not give fulfillment. From experience I’ve come to discover, your purpose will take flight if it aligns with that of husband. Earlier in my marriage there were a number of things I wanted to venture into which did not sit well with my husband. According to him my goals were going to be pulling the family in opposite directions. We were conflicted over this issue until God opened my eyes to the assignment he had for me. God is not an author of confusion. If your dream is to see the world; then don’t marry a man who simply wants a quiet and simple life. There are a number of reasons why man can decide to support or put an end to his wife’s dreams. Some can be avoided (before marriage), some can be managed while some are out of your circle of control.                                 5 REASONS WHY HE MIGHT NOT SUPPORT YOUR DREAMS JEALOUSY, ENVY, INSECURITY: some men find it difficult to cope when people around them appear to be doing better than they are, and their wife is no exception. This is the way they have always been even before marriage, while for others, pursing your dreams or succeeding at what you make them feel insecure. Whatever the case may be, if you’re married to a man like this you need to ask God for directions on how to handle the situation. If you are dating someone like this, take my advice. RUN FEELING OF ABANDONMENT OR BEING LEFT OUT: Even if your husband’s interest differs from yours, it won’t hurt if you carry him along and try to involve him in what you do as much as possible. When you do that, it reassures your husband that he is still very much on your mind that you respect him and most of all appreciate his support. CONFLICTED GOALS: The bible says that 2 cannot work together except they agree. When the goals of you and your husband begin to differ, then trouble will start to brew. Don’t pursue dreams that will pull your family in opposite directions. That is why it’s necessary for single women to talk about their plans, goals, dream and aspiration with their prospective spouses. It’s usually an eye opener for most relationships. MISPLACED PRIORITY: when a wives career gets into full blown motion, it’s relatively easy for her to get carried away and ignore her PRIMARY RESPONSIBILTY. The key word here is PRIMARY; because before your job, career and ministry, you are supposed to be a helpmeet to your husband and a mother to your children. If your dreams won’t let you perform this duty, don’t blame your husband for saying NO. Your priorities must be aligned. CULTURAL BACK GROUND, BELIEFS & VALUES: Some men are simply traditional in their thinking and approach to life. They believe a woman’s place is under a man rather than by his side. They were taught that way, and they grew up seeing it things that way. A woman was designed to be by a man’s side not under his feet and certainly not above him. Men who reason like this will not allow their wives function as a help meet not to mention allowing her pursue her dreams. The list is not conclusive but for married women, if you and husband are still conflicted on this subject matter, take time to find out why and if you’re still single, then you still have the chance to save yourself from these errors. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012