AN INTERVENTION : MINDSET OF A LIFETIME

AN INTERVENTION: MINDSET OF A LIFE TIME Let’s go to the classroom for a brief moment and allow me to introduce you to the agenda setting (one of the theories of mass communication). I’m sure you’re wondering how this is related to a relationship or a successful home building. Relax …..Follow me & you’ll get the drift soon enough. The Agenda setting theory which suggests that with the passage of time, the Medias agenda becomes the public agenda. In simple terms, it says the media have a large influence on audiences in terms of what stories to consider newsworthy and how much prominence and space to give to them. As far as this theory is concerned, the media has the power to decide what’s important, what’s not, what’s in vogue, what’s outdated and so on. Back to reality now, television, radio, print and of the internet are the most wildly used mediums of reaching people. Over the last few decades, the world has gone from being conservative to being liberal and broad minded. Gone is the era when people treasured dignity, self respect, decency, moral and ethics. Today we live in a world where overt sexual gestures have become the order of the day, women are used as the bait to lure and get people buying, and almost everything being sold has an undertone of SEX to it. When I think about it and I would want you to do some thinking too, I ask myself- did the world suddenly become perverse or did the media play a huge role in it? My bet is that you already know the answer to that question. With the advent of Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood and all the other woods gone GAGA, people have thrown caution to the wind. The media tells society it what body shape and size is acceptable; thus until your collarbone begin to pop, you don’t get the worlds approval The media tells society it’s okay for children to disrespect their parents, seek to please themselves first without consideration for who gets hurt in the process The media tells society it’s okay to dress half nude and flaunt what your mama gave you. If you don’t dress that way you are considered as a stereotyped person who doesn’t welcome change. The media tells society it’s okay to engage in premarital sex as long as two people were in love with each other The media tells society it’s okay to use cohabitation as a litmus test to determine and evaluate the potential success of a relationship The media tells society that it’s okay to get married and get out of it the moment you’re no longer interested. (This is exactly where I’m going to) I’m a follower of a marriage ministry called HUSBAND & WIFE FOR LIFE and the one thing that strikes me about that ministry is their pay off line that says “take up the challenge”. In order words, take up the challenge of being husband and wife for life. In a society where 2 out of every 3 marriages end up in divorce; you will agree with me that it can be challenging when you decide to stay married for life. While listening to an audio message on FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, the speaker made a point that struck a chord in my heart. He said if a young man and woman enter into the institution of marriage with the mindset of going their separate ways if things don’t work out; chances are that marriage will end up in a divorce. If another couple enters this institution of marriage with the mindset that divorce is not an option for them; the marriage will most likely workout. This is the core of the problem in our society today. The mindset of the average single has become so screwed up; that they now reason upside down. Young people now priotize their happiness above anything and anybody without recourse to whom or what is affected along the way. I’m not saying you should not be happy; but we can’t have our way all the time and there is always a time to compromise. When the bible tells us not to be conformed to this word, but be transformed by the renewal of our minds, it’s recognizes that the battle we fight is won or lost in our minds. “Don’t be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasant to him (Romans 12:2) It implies that there are 2 standards for living in this world. The world’s standard (which is what most people subscribe to) and God’s standard. God’s standard tells us that; marriage is for lifetime covenant relationship, be satisfied with the wife of your youth, drink water from your own well, marriage is honorable the bed undefiled; While the world says; marriage is simple a contract that can be dissolved at any time, sex before marriage is one of the many ways to evaluate sexual compatibility and proof of love, If your partner doesn’t satisfy you, you can get your needs met from anywhere else (infidelity). These two standards have opposing views and unfortunately who ever has decided to choose the standard of the world has chosen to be on the devils’ side. Don’t think I sound extreme because really I don’t. I’m only stating the obvious which most people have decided to be blind to- the devil is regarded as the prince of this world; and he is simply using people as tools to carry out his agenda. This is not a sermon; this is a long overdue intervention. Don’t be fooled into thinking that the actions of the secular media are mere coincidence ……….. Do you know that the first man was never bothered or tempted until he got married? The devil is deliberate about his attack on marriages and families. Marriage is lifetime commitment and the battle is won or lost in your mind Regardless of the recipes prepared and dished out by Hollywood on a happy relationship and happily ever after, we still see homes falling apart and marriages breaking. You have tried the worlds formula long enough why not try God’s. Giving yourself up before marriage is not proof of love, neither is it a guarantee that that young man will stay committed to you. Since the plan he has for you and I is for good and not of evil to give us a future and an expected end, you must trust his standard is the only of that can give positive results. Debunk your mind of all you have read in the mills and booms, hints, hearts and what you have watched in the movies. They are figments of someone else’s imagination and ideals that are far from reality. If you step into the marriage with the lifetime mentality then your cup is indeed half full. If you enter into marriage with a lifetime mentality, when a challenge arises, you’re most likely to find the solution because there is no backing down. I know this because it happened to me. In the first 2 years of my marriage it seemed as if all the odds were against me and each time storm came, I was looking for the fastest way out. The moment I realized that the devil’s game plan was to put and end to all of God’s holy union, I saw that getting a divorce and marrying another was not going to solve the problem. The devil would attack that one too and for how long was I going to keep running? I then began to see marriage as having nowhere to run and with no other choice than to resolve each challenge as soon as it came up. Over the years it has gotten so so so so so so so much better and I look forward to what the future has to offer my marriage. Marriage is a journey of two imperfect people and commitment is the glue that keeps the partners together. You must resolve within you to see things through come what may. In an interview of an old couple who had been married for a little over 60 years, they were asked what they thought was responsible for the constant breakdown of marriages in recent times when compared to the past. The couple responded and said they came from a time where if things were broken, they fixed it; while today’s generation live in a time where they would rather replace something that’s broken than to fix it. So I wonder and I ask “what happens when the new one breaks again? How many times are you going to keep making a replacement? As for me and my husband, we have taken up the challenge of a life time; will you do the same? P.S: I’m not one of those fanatics who says you should no longer watch television because it is sinful, I’m only saying be informed so that you can hold on to that which is the truth. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012