One of the biggest challenge couples faces after marriage after letting go of "I "& replacing it with "WE " or "US ". As a single lady who is used to making her decisions for herself & by herself, it might be a little challenging to YIELD to your partner. When couples have a misunderstanding, often times it's because one or both partners still acts like an individual instead of a unit.
Upon marriage it's expected that 2 become 1 and this coming together should be wholistic. You should be one Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually & Mentally. Marriage is a call to Service, a call to serve your partner in love. Marriage demands that you loose yourself and find it in your partner. Whatever you do, your actions must reflect respect and consideration for your partner.
When I got married, it took me a while to Change my Language from I to We & to set my thoughts on Us. I would take decisions unilaterally thinking after all it's my life and I'm the one directly affected. Whether it was delibrate or not, it did not Change the fact that I was SELFISH. I had failed to make my husband a part of me and my life. Even after decades of marriage you would be suprised that there are couples still struggling with this.
Of course marriage does not mean you should loose your identity. All it requires of you is to put self centeredness to rest. Half of the time when couples quarell, it's because both of them have failed to realize they are on the same side. Phil 2:4 tells us to not to look to our own interest but to the interest of others. Your priority in your marriage should not be "I " or "You ", it should be "We or Us". Yielding yourself to your spouse is no easy feat, but it's not impossible either.
Each time your actions favour youself only ,you send out wrong signals to your spouse. It's a sign that you don't respect him & you don't have the intention of spending a lifetime with him. If you did, you will act in the best interest of the marriage. An adage in my place says that " the eye that will stay with you till old age, should not start releasing dirt in your youth "
Its an attempt by the devil to get you thinking about yourself alone. It's always about what you want, what your needs are, what would make you happy and so one. Since the devil is not in favour of you becoming "one " with your spouse, he will fight it in anyway. The power of one is your greatest weapon against the devil. Because the Bible says " one shall chase a thousand & two shall put two thousand to flight " Deut 32:30
There's so much you stand to gain if you choose to yield to your spouse and become one. Lets see 3 of them.,
1. PROGRESS: Amos 3:3 tells us two people cannot "walk " together without agreeing. This means you and your husband cannot proceed, go forward or progress without being in agreement. If you stick to "I " instead of "WE ", it will be like taking one step forward and two steps backward.
2.PEACE : Of course if you are on the same page with your partner, there will be lesser misunderstandings and Peace will reign.
3. SOMEONE TO RELY ON.How many times have you gone ahead to do something all by yourself only to end up running to your spouse for help. Well I have - a couple of times. If you don't carry your partner along in what you do, don't expected him to be there when the cookie comes crumbling.
Your action tells a lot about who or what is important to you. If your marriage is important then your ability to yield & carry your partner along will be seen. Start today, start with the little things ..... by putting your marriage first.
The next time you want to take a course of action,ask yourself
- have I carried my spouse along?
-is it in my interest ( I) or the best interest of my marriage (WE /US)
Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time.
She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots.
She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child.
For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box
For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com
You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012
No comments:
Post a Comment