DEVELOPING WIFE WORTHY VIRTUES

Hello Friends, It's been almost one year we began our journey and its amazing how far God has brought us & how many lives he has used The Home Builders Ministry to touch. There's no doubt that this is only the beginning of greater things to come. To celebrate our one year milestone, Home Builders will be having it's 1st annual Singles Preserved & Prepared  Summit . The theme for this year is "DEVELOPING WIFE WORTHY VIRTUES " The summit is free for all Singles, at the end which certificates of attendance will be issued to all participants. All participants will need to register ahead : when registration opens on Tuesday 29th of January. The registration details will be made available then. It's going to be a wonderful experience,  as I and other invited guest will be open your eyes to create a paradigm shift. Your relationship is important. It can MAKE or MAR your entire destiny thus; it's important to get it right. Maximum number of participants is 100 people and it's on a first come, first serve bases. So look out  for the registration details. For sponsorship or if you would like to have a stand at this event, call Eyitemi on 08167303190. ® Home Builders International                              ........preserve, prepare and build WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT HOME BUILDERS -----> " Hello ma, I'm Jeremiah, finished from CU also n doing my MSc @ d UK now. I read all your articles and they are EXTREME blessings to me as I jst recently entered the 1st serious relationship in my life (by His grace, heading 4 marriage). I'd like to add...PLEASE, refuse to be discouraged by such -ve comments on your recent post; if not for anything, for d sake of such pple who actually learn and are blessed by ur articles. Continue to grow in grace against all odds ma. #Double Portion#" -----> " U r doing a good job God bless u loads" Bunmi Kehinde Ojo -----> " Hi, just want to tell you that you are doing a great job with your post on facebook. Am proud of what you are doing. Lives are blessed on daily basis. Keep it up! God bless you." Segun Laiyenfe -----> " Temi... This is IT! The Note on Leaving and Cleaving. I am happy I have one person in the world who shares my thot on it, and more, u gave it full expression. Thanks so much. I'd share it with all my friends." Sandra Adevokahi

WHAT IS MARRIAGE TO YOU

Marriage is so many things to different people & how we view it determines our actions. If to you marriage is a one man show, then you will be content doing things as an individual without recourse to the other party. If to you marriage is a contractual arrangement that can be dissolved when one party breaches the terms & conditions, all you will see in your partner are the negatives that call for a dissolution If marriage to you is a game, then your priority would not be on the welfare of your partner, neither will it be on the success of your marriage, your priority would be on winning. It gives you a selfish mentality causing you to be in the spotlight. Marriage as a game leaves you with one desire  -----------> to win at all cost. To me, marriage will always be what my father told me years ago as a bride to be. He said " Marriage is like a car. Your husband is the driver while you're (me)  a front seat passenger " Just like my father said, veiwing marriage as a car has taught me a lot over the years... -----> The only way to ensure we as a couple will ever arrive at the same place is to ensure we are heading for the same destnation. We have no buisness getting in the car in the first place if we can't figure out or agree on where we are going to. (Singles take note) As a couple there must be a vision, an agreement on what you expect from your marriage. Once that is done your actions will align automatically. -----> There is only one steering wheel and driver's seat; thus there can be only one driver. Stop the power struggle. When you struggle with the person driving, either of these happen ; you crash, driver looses concentration and goes of route, delay & loss of precious time. Every time you struggle for control with your husband you get into arguements & misunderstandings that stagnates your relationship & marriage.  Someone might ask "what then is my role? " "am I supposed to be docile? " "what if he is driving us into a ditch & he can't see it? " These are the common concerns in the heart of most women & what you need most is the WISDOM to deal with it. Your role as a wife is like that of a compass. Everyone who has ever lost their way knows and appreciates the value of a compass. Note what I said "everyone who has lost his /her way ". Because of the egoistical nature in a man, they often struggle in admitting their wrongs.  While on the drivers seat, offer him your suggestions before making decision together.  If he decides to go on a certain path (except it posses a danger to your life & safety) allow him make his mistakes  & learn from them. I realized in my marriage that the moment I try to super impose my decisions or point of view things go from bad to worse.  My marriage & I suffer for it immensely and my husband never learns his lessons. As Wives we must learn to allow our husbands make mistakes & learn from them. Only then will they come to value your wise counsel.  Remember, if you struggle you, you might just crash.... ----->Marriage is like a car, check the oil level, ensure you have water in your radiator, gauge your tires, ensure your headlamps are in good conditions,because the night would come,dont leave things to chance, be delibrate about it because no  matter how much you agree on your destination, a bad car would never get you there. Service your Car, take time out with your spouse to refresh......... Marriage is like a Car, don't stay on the bad roads for too long. It causes "wear & tear ". If all you do is fight with your partner all day, someday neither of you will be able to continue with the drama Marriage is like a car, fuel it with love, passion, intimacy, communication to keep it going. Marriage is like driving a Car, be focused, avoid distractions to avoid  a crash. Keep your eye on your partner because when your eye is single, your whole body would be full of light. Marriage is like a car, & it's only as good as the parties in it. I have just shared what marriage is to me, I'd love to hear yoyr thoughts ....... What is marriage to you? Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

KNOWING WHO YOU'RE MARRIED TO

In my second year of marriage, the atomosphere in my home felt like we were @ the brink of World War II. My husband & I were constantlt at each others throat and even though we spoke the same language we could not understand each other.  After a while, the constant pulling & tugging began to sap my energy & like the prodigal child, I decided it was high time for a change & a new course of action. My goal was to set aside my arguement & point of view for a moment while I tried to see just where he was coming from. It been years now and that moment has not passed by. I realized as I began my quest for knowledge, that we had been stressing ourselves for nothing. In all of our arguements, both of us were right & we spoke the truth from our point of view. The truth was simply a moving target & it varied for each of us. It was in the course of my search that I realized my husband like every other man was a logical being. I realized that to get him on the same page as myself, I would have to appeal to his logic & sense of reasoning instead of his emotions like I used to. I realized that the fact that women were emotional & expressive, it did not mean men did not feel pain, love, loss, gratitued & every other emotions we can think of. I realized that my husband would rather process his thoughts than arrive at hasty submissions I realized that my husband would rather act based on facts & logic than his emotions. I realized my husband took his family responsibilities seriously and would frown at anything that threatened it. The list is endless because I came to the realization of so many things. Someone might be asking what did I do with all of my courtship period? Well like I came to realize,courtship was just the beginning of so many discoveries. For each phase (husbandhood, fatherhood)  he entered into, there was something new to be discovered. Faliure to recognize this is why you keep hearing statements like "he has changed, I don't know him any longer ..." blah blah Aa long as your spouse lives, there will always be new things to discover.  Everyday,every contact with other people, every of his experiences, everything he watches, reads or feels is an opportunity for a paradigm shift - a new perspective, a new point of view & of course new sets of behaviour So stop looking at that partner of yours as the man you married, he is not. He has changed & he will continue to change because that's the only permanent thing. Your job is to keep up. Constantly seek ways to understand him & find out what's new about the current phase of his life. Getting to know or understand your spouse does not occur by chance. Its a delibrate act that requires your input. Some wives dont even know their husbands personality style and that's the only way to understand the reasons behind his actions . Did you know everyone has a love language? You need to know that of your husband so you'll know the fastest and most effective way to get to his heart. Knowing yours would also show him how best to relate with you. Read books,ask questions, observe him. Don't allow the routine of everyday life get in the way. Life long learning about your spouse is essential and requires TIME, COMMUNICATION, PERSISTENCE & PATIENCE.  In marriage the more you know the better it is for your relationships Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

IF HE WANTS THE MILK......HE SHOULD BUY THE COW

Recently I read about a female undergraduate student who was brutally and mercilessly beaten by her boyfriend. By now you’re probably wondering what she had done to deserve such a treatment. Did they have and argument, did she do something wrong? If you’re asking these questions, I’m afraid you’re wrong because this young lady got beaten for….burning….rice! Yes it’s exactly what I said. She got beaten for burning rice. After sharing with my colleagues at the office, someone mentioned that she and that boyfriend of her must have been living together. This reminded me of an all time important issue-COHABITATION! It’s no longer news that a large number of singles, ladies especially, have cultivated the habit of living together with the opposite sex. And at the end risk of sounding “old fashioned” it makes me wonder if they have any idea what this seemingly ignorant and foolish action can cost them tomorrow. I’m personally yet to understand the reason why young ladies feel the need to sell themselves short to please and keep a man and their relationship. It’s belittling and the reality is that it has become one of the many factors contributing to the declining success in marriage these days. You discover so many ladies are performing wifely duties for a man who has given them little or no commitment. You give them SEX, wash their clothes, you make their meals; you clean the house and so much more all in the hope that your actions would buy his commitment. It’s so disturbing; why should he get married to you when he is getting all he needs, wants and much more. Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for FREE. Honestly if I’m talking to you, it’s high time you sat yourself down and have  a rethink. I have seen girls who dated and lived with a man for years and yet he did not settle down with them. They had given years of their love, energy and sweat with nothing to show for it. When you cohabit with a man that’s not your husband and perform wifely duties when you have never even met any member of his family, not to mention being acknowledges as his fiancé (even if you are) you lose self respect, you appear desperate and most of all FOOLISH I have seen people who actively endorse co-habitation saying things like it prepares you for marriage blah blah blah and I will actively face them square down to disagree. Co-habitation does not make for a successful marriage because it lacks a key ingredient which every marriage has-COMMITMENT When you cohabit there’s no major commitment. Both of you are only attempting to give your relationship a shot; to see if it will work out and the irony is that since you’re not bound by law or covenant, you can readily back down at any time. CO-HABITATION is not love, neither is it a guarantee for your relationship. ITS IS SELFISH MANIPULATION AND EXPLOITATION. Let me state at this point that nobody is a victim here. The lady lives with a man in a bid to buy him over with her body and wifely actions (Manipulation) while the man gets the benefits of a helper for free (Exploitation ) There’s a reason why God expects intending couples to wait until they are married before living together. For one he said “marriage is honorable the bed undefiled” (no premarital sex) and even if those all around you are doing it, it doesn’t make it right. When you live with a man who is not your husband, you stand the risk of giving the best part of yourself to someone you might not get married to. Listen ladies, men are physical in nature. They are chasers and they value the most what they have earned or paid a price to accomplish. I’m talking about value laden relationship where the man chooses to be with you because of the virtues he sees and admires in you. If a man is living alone there are certain things he needs to learn how to do. Not only will he be preparing himself to be a responsible husband and father in the future, the moment they realize that ladies are no longer willing to sell themselves short, they will sit up learn the DIY (Do It Yourself) method The story of the undergraduate I mentioned earlier said that that girl was actually busy with other chores in the apartment and forgot there was rice on fire. What other chores was she carrying out? Washing, sweeping, and cleaning. Without a doubt she must have been having sex with that boyfriend of hers and all her LABOUR OF LOVE did not matter when he pounced on her like a mad dog. She could have died; she could have become another statistics ;all for what and for who? A large number of girls who labour in their boyfriends’ house would not even lift a finger in their father’s house to help out in the home. So what exactly are you trying to prove? If living with A does not work out; you’ll move in with B, how many men you have to sleep with, cook for, and clean for before you meet the right person. How many frogs do you have to kiss to find your prince charming? Ladies wise up and stop the self selling trade and if you won’t listen to wise counsel at least make sure you get paid for your services….because even maids get paid. For all the young men out there, if you want it, you should put a ring on it. For the records, Beyonce was not the first to say that, Apostle Paul had said so many many years ago. 1 Corinthians 7: 2 & 9 Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

8 LESSONS FROM ANIMALS THAT MATE FOR LIFE

8 LESSONS FORM ANIMALS THAT MATE FOR LIFE You’re probably wondering why animals? In a world where divorce and separation has become the other of the day, marriage is fast losing its value and original intent. While attending a training program organized by my office, I watched a short video of the book “WHO MOVED BY CHEESE” by Spencer Johnson. Of all the lessons learnt, one thing has stayed with me all through- “humans are too complex for their own good”. Unlike Sniff and Scurry (the mice characters) they simply smelt the direction of their cheese and followed after it. Whenever their cheese was moved, they would smell out where the new cheese was and go for it. Hem and Haw (human characters) on the other hand over analyzed things when their cheese was moved. They asked why their cheese was moved, who moved it, how it was moved, to where it was moved? They kept going in circles for days without cheese until Haw was able to embrace the changing tides and locate his cheese, while Haw remained in misery (You will need to read the book to get a full understanding). What’s my point exactly? My point is that even when it comes to marriage, we humans bring in the entirety of our complexity; I decided to look into the animal kingdom and see if there was a thing or two we could learn from them. It might sound weird to want to learn from animals about marriage and you might think what they could possibly know about it. Well they might not know much about love or spending so much money in preparation of saying I DO at the altar, but they know a whole lot about COMMITMENT, LOYALTY, STICKING TOGETHE and a few other things we would examine in the course of the article. Surprised? So was I when I began to unravel the mystery behind how they managed to mate for life. I figured that if God could ask to learn about disciple and hard work from the ant, why we can’t take marriage lessons from these animals. For the purpose of this article, I have listed a few of the animals that mate for life and will be listing out the habits found in these animals. They are; SWANS, Kirk’s Dik-dik (African Antelope), CONVICT CICHLID (FISH), , AND BLACK VULTURES. You might have heard about some of these animals while I’m certain you a new to some. Either way like the scripture says, “These things are for our examples” LESSON 1: LOYALTY  The number one reason that cuts across all of these animals is their sense of loyalty and duty. Defined as the act of being faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, individual or an unswerving allegiance, it is a pre requisite for couples that desire to stay married.  To stay loyal to your spouse means believe in and accept everything that makes up your spouse and subscribe to all that makes them who they are. In our society today even outside marriage a lot of people have no idea what it means to stay faithful  and loyal to one person except of course there is a catch. Marriage cannot survive if both partners cannot be loyal and even prove that loyalty to each other.  Your loyalty must be reflected in your actions, conversations and priorities.  Practicing loyalty to your partner means remember all that you owe to your spouse. In the olden days when you save the life of someone they become indebted to you and the one way they pay back is pledging their allegiance to you. They become loyal to you until the very end. It’s a way of acknowledging they owe their life to the person who once saved them. You’re not being loyal if you doing it because of what you stand to get at the end that’s deception. When you are loyal to your spouse, you can be trusted. If you can be trusted, you marriage stands a chance. LESSON 2: PROTECTION OF YOUR SPOUSE/FAMILY Of all the animals studied it was the Kirk’s Dik-dik (African Antelope); that displayed this quality. First the male deer sticks around to cover his mates’ female scent, reducing the likelihood of other males sniffing her out. The simple truth we can learn here as a human is the need to protect our spouses. Don’t say things that will be little them in the eyes of others. At this point let me say a lot of women are in the habit of relating every conflict they have with their spouse to their parents. Truth is that long after you have your forgiven him, trust me your parents might not. Protect your spouse from the attack of others. In the world of these animals, most of them are known for philandering and having multiple partners and although few there are still animals that mate for life and do things differently. You can make your marriage to be among that few. Like wise men as the case might differ. LESSON 3: LEAVE AND CLEAVE A lot on this subject matter has been said already and it’s amazing why human beings find it difficult to pull this off when animals can. The Convict cichlid usually pairs off with its mate in a crevasse they can call their own. It’s absurd although it still happens to see couples living with their parents. If a man cannot afford to set out on his own, get a place and start taking some responsibility then he’s not yet a candidate for marriage. When you leave and cleave, it gives you the much independence you need as a couple and as a family to grow. LESSON FOUR: RESPONSIBLE PARENTING All the animals here displayed this trait, apparently if the relationship between a man and his wife works out, then they tend to be better parents for their children. Take for example Swans, when some of the eggs hatch, the male takes the little swans on their first swim while the mother swans sits to warm the remaining eggs. The Convict cichlid pair spends time fanning the eggs laid by the female, and keeping potential predators at bay. When the larvae hatch, the two parents share the burden of keeping tabs on them. If any wander off, the parents suck them into their mouths and spit them back out in the safety of the home cave. The Prairie voles and Black Vultures are also known for sharing parenting duties. Truth be told, if you are not a responsible spouse you most likely cannot be a responsible parents. Of all the animals that mate for life, no reference was made of the Ostrich (king of birds). It is described as a bird who although can outrun a horse, she leaves her eggs lying on the dust and at the mercy of predators. A quote says that the bonds of marriage are not sown in a day, but with lots of tiny thread over the years and children are one of those threads. Animals that mate for life are also in the habits of raising their little ones TOGETHER. Children further cement the bond between a man and his wife. It gives them more reasons to stay together and make their marriage work. @ Least that’s the way it should be. LESSON FIVE: DEVELOP ONE ANOTHER Prairie voles and Gibbons are in this habit. It is reported that they spend hours grooming each other; making each other better. You will enjoy fulfillment in your marriage if makes you better and brings out the best in you. Nobody throws away a good thing; thus if you are fulfilled in your home, your marriage is bound to survive.  Your partner has strengths and weaknesses and both your partner and your marriage stands to gain a lot if these strengths are harnesses with weaknesses improved. Develop you partner with your words, encourage them, don’t be quick to criticize them or bring down their morale. When your spouse sees that he/she gets better as a result of being with you, he/she would definitely seek to cultivate and stick on. Bottom line if you want to stay married for life; constantly seek out ways to make your partner better. Groom one another. LESSON SIX: INTIMACY Prairie voles have been described as appearing cuddly asides the grooming of each other. One word for this behavior of theirs is none other than INTIMACY. Intimacy is not sex; it’s about having a sense of belonging, closeness, inseparability, familiarity, nearness and so on. It allows both partners to bare themselves to each other at every level to each. For your marriage to stand a chance at forever, you must get close to your spouse beyond the level of physical intimacy. You must strive to attain emotional and spiritual intimacy. When you and your partner get to the level whereby you can talk about your fears, hopes, dreams, goals without fear of rebuke, then you have achieved intimacy. LESSON SEVEN: ENGAGIN IN SIMILAR INTEREST: In his book HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by William F. Harley one of the ways to build an affair proof marriage was to be a recreational playmate with your spouse.  This is exactly what the Black Vulture does. The pair hangs out together all year round. They fly in the skies together, scavenge for food together and do every activity together. This of course makes them inseparable.  What activity do you engage in with your spouse? You need to find that activity that both of you enjoy doing.  And when you succeed at that, it leads to my next point. LESSON EIGHT: QUALITY TIME This is often the needs of a lot of women who feel and complain that they are not getting enough of their husbands. For the Black Vulture who hangs out together all year round, it increases the Bonding process. When you spend time with your spouse, you invest in that person emotionally, you increase the bond between both of you, you become inseparable and ultimately you become 1. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

KILLING THE ME MENTALITY IN YOUR MARRIAGE

One of the biggest  challenge couples  faces after marriage after letting go of "I "& replacing it with "WE " or "US ". As a single lady who is used to making her decisions for herself & by herself, it might be a little challenging to YIELD to your partner. When couples have a misunderstanding, often times it's because one or both partners still acts like an individual instead of a unit. Upon marriage it's expected that 2 become 1 and this coming together should be wholistic. You should be one Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually & Mentally. Marriage is a call to Service, a call to serve your partner in love. Marriage demands that you loose yourself and find it in your partner. Whatever you do, your actions must reflect respect and consideration for your partner. When I got married, it took me a while to Change my Language from I to We & to set my thoughts on Us. I would take decisions unilaterally thinking after all it's my life and I'm the one directly affected. Whether it was delibrate or not, it did not Change the fact that I was SELFISH. I had failed to make my husband a part of me and my life. Even after decades of marriage you would be suprised that there are couples still struggling with this. Of course marriage does not mean you should loose your identity. All it requires of you is to put self centeredness to rest. Half of the time when couples quarell, it's because both of them have failed to realize they are on the same side. Phil 2:4 tells us to not to look to our own interest but to the interest of others. Your priority in your marriage should not be "I " or "You ", it should be "We or Us". Yielding yourself to your spouse is no easy feat, but it's not impossible either. Each time your actions favour youself only ,you send out wrong signals to your spouse. It's a sign that you don't respect him & you don't have the intention of spending a lifetime with him. If you did, you will act in the best interest of the marriage. An adage in my place says that " the eye that will stay with you till old age, should not start releasing dirt in your youth " Its an attempt by the devil to get you thinking about yourself alone. It's always about what you want, what your needs are, what would make you happy and so one. Since the devil is not in favour of you becoming "one " with your spouse, he will fight it in anyway. The power of one is your greatest weapon against the devil. Because the Bible says " one shall chase a thousand & two shall put two thousand to flight " Deut 32:30 There's so much you stand to gain if you choose to yield to your spouse and become one. Lets see 3 of them., 1. PROGRESS: Amos 3:3 tells us two people cannot "walk " together without agreeing. This means you and your husband cannot proceed, go forward or progress without being in agreement. If you stick to "I " instead of "WE ", it will be like taking one step forward and two steps backward. 2.PEACE : Of  course if you are on the same page with your partner, there will be lesser misunderstandings and Peace will reign. 3. SOMEONE TO RELY ON.How many times have you gone ahead to do something all by yourself only to end up running to your spouse for help. Well I have - a couple of times.  If you don't carry your partner along in what you do, don't expected him to be there when the cookie comes crumbling. Your action tells a lot about who or what is important to you. If your marriage is important then your ability to yield & carry your partner along will be seen. Start today, start with the little things ..... by putting your marriage first. The next time you want to take a course of action,ask yourself - have I carried my spouse along? -is it in my interest ( I) or the best interest of my marriage (WE /US) Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

AN INTERVENTION : MINDSET OF A LIFETIME

AN INTERVENTION: MINDSET OF A LIFE TIME Let’s go to the classroom for a brief moment and allow me to introduce you to the agenda setting (one of the theories of mass communication). I’m sure you’re wondering how this is related to a relationship or a successful home building. Relax …..Follow me & you’ll get the drift soon enough. The Agenda setting theory which suggests that with the passage of time, the Medias agenda becomes the public agenda. In simple terms, it says the media have a large influence on audiences in terms of what stories to consider newsworthy and how much prominence and space to give to them. As far as this theory is concerned, the media has the power to decide what’s important, what’s not, what’s in vogue, what’s outdated and so on. Back to reality now, television, radio, print and of the internet are the most wildly used mediums of reaching people. Over the last few decades, the world has gone from being conservative to being liberal and broad minded. Gone is the era when people treasured dignity, self respect, decency, moral and ethics. Today we live in a world where overt sexual gestures have become the order of the day, women are used as the bait to lure and get people buying, and almost everything being sold has an undertone of SEX to it. When I think about it and I would want you to do some thinking too, I ask myself- did the world suddenly become perverse or did the media play a huge role in it? My bet is that you already know the answer to that question. With the advent of Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood and all the other woods gone GAGA, people have thrown caution to the wind. The media tells society it what body shape and size is acceptable; thus until your collarbone begin to pop, you don’t get the worlds approval The media tells society it’s okay for children to disrespect their parents, seek to please themselves first without consideration for who gets hurt in the process The media tells society it’s okay to dress half nude and flaunt what your mama gave you. If you don’t dress that way you are considered as a stereotyped person who doesn’t welcome change. The media tells society it’s okay to engage in premarital sex as long as two people were in love with each other The media tells society it’s okay to use cohabitation as a litmus test to determine and evaluate the potential success of a relationship The media tells society that it’s okay to get married and get out of it the moment you’re no longer interested. (This is exactly where I’m going to) I’m a follower of a marriage ministry called HUSBAND & WIFE FOR LIFE and the one thing that strikes me about that ministry is their pay off line that says “take up the challenge”. In order words, take up the challenge of being husband and wife for life. In a society where 2 out of every 3 marriages end up in divorce; you will agree with me that it can be challenging when you decide to stay married for life. While listening to an audio message on FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, the speaker made a point that struck a chord in my heart. He said if a young man and woman enter into the institution of marriage with the mindset of going their separate ways if things don’t work out; chances are that marriage will end up in a divorce. If another couple enters this institution of marriage with the mindset that divorce is not an option for them; the marriage will most likely workout. This is the core of the problem in our society today. The mindset of the average single has become so screwed up; that they now reason upside down. Young people now priotize their happiness above anything and anybody without recourse to whom or what is affected along the way. I’m not saying you should not be happy; but we can’t have our way all the time and there is always a time to compromise. When the bible tells us not to be conformed to this word, but be transformed by the renewal of our minds, it’s recognizes that the battle we fight is won or lost in our minds. “Don’t be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasant to him (Romans 12:2) It implies that there are 2 standards for living in this world. The world’s standard (which is what most people subscribe to) and God’s standard. God’s standard tells us that; marriage is for lifetime covenant relationship, be satisfied with the wife of your youth, drink water from your own well, marriage is honorable the bed undefiled; While the world says; marriage is simple a contract that can be dissolved at any time, sex before marriage is one of the many ways to evaluate sexual compatibility and proof of love, If your partner doesn’t satisfy you, you can get your needs met from anywhere else (infidelity). These two standards have opposing views and unfortunately who ever has decided to choose the standard of the world has chosen to be on the devils’ side. Don’t think I sound extreme because really I don’t. I’m only stating the obvious which most people have decided to be blind to- the devil is regarded as the prince of this world; and he is simply using people as tools to carry out his agenda. This is not a sermon; this is a long overdue intervention. Don’t be fooled into thinking that the actions of the secular media are mere coincidence ……….. Do you know that the first man was never bothered or tempted until he got married? The devil is deliberate about his attack on marriages and families. Marriage is lifetime commitment and the battle is won or lost in your mind Regardless of the recipes prepared and dished out by Hollywood on a happy relationship and happily ever after, we still see homes falling apart and marriages breaking. You have tried the worlds formula long enough why not try God’s. Giving yourself up before marriage is not proof of love, neither is it a guarantee that that young man will stay committed to you. Since the plan he has for you and I is for good and not of evil to give us a future and an expected end, you must trust his standard is the only of that can give positive results. Debunk your mind of all you have read in the mills and booms, hints, hearts and what you have watched in the movies. They are figments of someone else’s imagination and ideals that are far from reality. If you step into the marriage with the lifetime mentality then your cup is indeed half full. If you enter into marriage with a lifetime mentality, when a challenge arises, you’re most likely to find the solution because there is no backing down. I know this because it happened to me. In the first 2 years of my marriage it seemed as if all the odds were against me and each time storm came, I was looking for the fastest way out. The moment I realized that the devil’s game plan was to put and end to all of God’s holy union, I saw that getting a divorce and marrying another was not going to solve the problem. The devil would attack that one too and for how long was I going to keep running? I then began to see marriage as having nowhere to run and with no other choice than to resolve each challenge as soon as it came up. Over the years it has gotten so so so so so so so much better and I look forward to what the future has to offer my marriage. Marriage is a journey of two imperfect people and commitment is the glue that keeps the partners together. You must resolve within you to see things through come what may. In an interview of an old couple who had been married for a little over 60 years, they were asked what they thought was responsible for the constant breakdown of marriages in recent times when compared to the past. The couple responded and said they came from a time where if things were broken, they fixed it; while today’s generation live in a time where they would rather replace something that’s broken than to fix it. So I wonder and I ask “what happens when the new one breaks again? How many times are you going to keep making a replacement? As for me and my husband, we have taken up the challenge of a life time; will you do the same? P.S: I’m not one of those fanatics who says you should no longer watch television because it is sinful, I’m only saying be informed so that you can hold on to that which is the truth. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

MARRIAGE AND YOUR DREAM

On my way to work early this morning, the radio station played a song by NAS titled “I Know I Can Be What I Wanna Be”. Of the voices of the little children felt good as much as the song inspired them for the future. I enjoyed the chorus for a while and the moment the artiste began to RAP, I tuned out (I’m not a fan of RAP music). I was drawn back to the song when my husband called the name “Whitney Houston”. I turned to ask him what prompted him to cal her name out of the blues, and he made me realize that the young girls with a promising career who ended up with the wrong person; referred to in his RAP was Whitney. Whether my husband is right or wrong I’m yet to verify, but it reminded me of how much the choice of a life partner can MAKE or MAR one’s destiny. The story of Whitney Houston is one of the many stories of women who could not maximize their potentials or hit the peak of their career because of the choice of man they married. A lot of single ladies are too busy focusing on that day when they get to wear white and look all glamorous that they lose sight of what is really important. As beautiful as love is, marriage to the wrong person can crush your dreams in an instant. Everybody created; male and female were made for a purpose and given an assignment. Our lives will constantly have a vacuum if we fail to discover and fulfill this assignment of ours. Originally by design, marriage ought to make you better. It’s supposed to bring out the best in you and help you maximize your potential. Many years ago I watched a movie about the life of Tina Turner and her husband who was described as a drug addicted wife beater was one the major factors why she did not reach the apex. As a single lady whoever you intend to get married to must be someone who sees the talent in you and is willing to help you nurture and maximize it. While dating, please get your head out of the cloud, and look out for these signs so that you would save yourself heartaches tomorrow. This explains why singles are advised to be actively engaged in an activity or career path before you say I DO. (Read my article on LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE WELL & THE WOMAN IN THE FIELD for clarity- www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com/2012/12/lessons-from-woman-at-well-rebecca-for.html?m+=1 ). If you keep your life on hold waiting for a man to come along, chances are that when you discover your true self, it might not align with your husband’s and family’s goal. Even if you have not started working in the practicality of your dreams, you can share them with your fiancés and it can be decided there and then if he’s and yours can be aligned. No matter how much he loves you and how gentlemanly he appears, upon marriage his position as a husband cannot be contested or disputed. Whatever he says is want becomes what you are obliged to accept and follow. Since a man is the head of the family, he has the ability to support your dreams or put an end to it. Some are probably thinking that if that becomes the situation, they would talk a walk (end the marriage), but why take chances at divorces and heartache when it can be avoided. Marriage is not a child’s play; its serious business that will influence every single domain of your life. It goes beyond the kisses, caresses and sex that come along with it. All these things will become irrelevant if you are unhappy or unfulfilled. Marriage does not give fulfillment. From experience I’ve come to discover, your purpose will take flight if it aligns with that of husband. Earlier in my marriage there were a number of things I wanted to venture into which did not sit well with my husband. According to him my goals were going to be pulling the family in opposite directions. We were conflicted over this issue until God opened my eyes to the assignment he had for me. God is not an author of confusion. If your dream is to see the world; then don’t marry a man who simply wants a quiet and simple life. There are a number of reasons why man can decide to support or put an end to his wife’s dreams. Some can be avoided (before marriage), some can be managed while some are out of your circle of control.                                 5 REASONS WHY HE MIGHT NOT SUPPORT YOUR DREAMS JEALOUSY, ENVY, INSECURITY: some men find it difficult to cope when people around them appear to be doing better than they are, and their wife is no exception. This is the way they have always been even before marriage, while for others, pursing your dreams or succeeding at what you make them feel insecure. Whatever the case may be, if you’re married to a man like this you need to ask God for directions on how to handle the situation. If you are dating someone like this, take my advice. RUN FEELING OF ABANDONMENT OR BEING LEFT OUT: Even if your husband’s interest differs from yours, it won’t hurt if you carry him along and try to involve him in what you do as much as possible. When you do that, it reassures your husband that he is still very much on your mind that you respect him and most of all appreciate his support. CONFLICTED GOALS: The bible says that 2 cannot work together except they agree. When the goals of you and your husband begin to differ, then trouble will start to brew. Don’t pursue dreams that will pull your family in opposite directions. That is why it’s necessary for single women to talk about their plans, goals, dream and aspiration with their prospective spouses. It’s usually an eye opener for most relationships. MISPLACED PRIORITY: when a wives career gets into full blown motion, it’s relatively easy for her to get carried away and ignore her PRIMARY RESPONSIBILTY. The key word here is PRIMARY; because before your job, career and ministry, you are supposed to be a helpmeet to your husband and a mother to your children. If your dreams won’t let you perform this duty, don’t blame your husband for saying NO. Your priorities must be aligned. CULTURAL BACK GROUND, BELIEFS & VALUES: Some men are simply traditional in their thinking and approach to life. They believe a woman’s place is under a man rather than by his side. They were taught that way, and they grew up seeing it things that way. A woman was designed to be by a man’s side not under his feet and certainly not above him. Men who reason like this will not allow their wives function as a help meet not to mention allowing her pursue her dreams. The list is not conclusive but for married women, if you and husband are still conflicted on this subject matter, take time to find out why and if you’re still single, then you still have the chance to save yourself from these errors. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE ROYALTY

After going through Psalm 45:11 I was amazed ;           " The King adores you,              He is your master,              So do what he desires " (CEV)            " The King is wild for you,              Since he is your Lord, adore him, (MSG)            " For your royal husband delights in your beauty,              Honour him for he is your Lord " (NLT) Two things struck me here,; the word King was used interchangably for the word husband in the first 2 versions & in the 3rd version he was called "royal husband ". That tells me that my husband is my crown, my King and I ought to treat him like royalty. I remember listening to an older woman sighted a classic example. According to her young wives on the average usually keep their finest china (plates) and glassware for special occassions to thrill & serve guest. In her opinion which I now subscribe to, the finest and best china should be used to serve the most important person in our lives - Our Husband. Often times, the stress of everyday living makes your touchy, & grouchy and you might end up responding to your husband in a not so good way (I get that way at times) . All the same if you have it at the back of your mind that your husband is a King and the most important person in your life, your actions will align to treat him like royalty. Moving on to the second half of this verse, the bride is told on how she is expected to respond to her Royal husband.  Whether she's adoring him, doing what he desires or honouring him, it all comes down to one thing -RESPECT. A man is NEVER COMPLETE, NEVER SATISFIED & NEVER HAPPY if he cannot command the respect of those around him, especially his wife. Respect is to a man's esteem what food id to the belly. If you cannot respect him, you can't win his heart, If you cannot win his heart, you can't get his favour, If you cannot get his favour, your marriage cannot suceed. As much as every man differs and what might be insulting for A might not be for B, there are basic ground rules. In a movie I  watched tittled "A FAMILY THAT PREYS " by Tyler Perry, I watched a young wife tell her husband "DON'T BE SILLY "! Now I thought to myself that the average Nigerian man would never accept this ... It might be aceeptable in another part of the world, but would be considered as downright rudeness here in Nigeria. Therefore in treating your husband like royalty you must watch how you speak to him. It your speech won't make him feel any better, ZIP IT! Another way you can make your husband feel like royalty is putting in effort to make him special meals. Some people say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his belly ; while I don't subscribe to that school of thought, I believe every man likes good food. There's a whole lot of difference between food you just put together & food you put in effort to make -trust me men can tell the difference.  They appreciate it when you do that and it makes them feel a whole lot special. Whether it's once or twice a week,  make sure you put up something special for that man. Respect must be given to your husband at 3 levels - Respect him in words - Respect him in thought - Respect him in deeds (action) Disrespect can cost you your royal benefits, just like it did to Queen Vashti -Esther 1:1-end (she disrespected her husband in deeds) .... There's always a Price for disrespecting your husband & trust me you don't want to pay it. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She's also a lifestyle writer for Naija Parrot. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012             

My thoughts on LEAVING & CLEAVING

My thoughts on Leaving and Cleaving…… I was studying the bible yesterday when I came across psalm 45; a Psalm which gives a representation of a royal marriage between a King and his bride. Reading through I discovered that the Psalm is divided into 3 sections; The first section (Verses1-9) talks about the virtues and goodness of the King(the Bridegroom) The second section (Verses 10 &11) gives counsel to the young wife to be The third section (the remaining part of that chapter) prophesies into the future of the marriage As I read through, my mind pondered on verse 10, and I sought new insight to this familiar instruction from God’s word; “Bride of the King, Listen carefully to me. Forget your own people and your father’s family” Without a doubt, the subject matter of leaving and cleaving is not new ; but the question is how well do we understands this principle? In a family unit, there are 2 types of relationships; the parent - child relationship (which is temporal) and for the first 20 years of your life thereabout, its a primary relationship to you. This is the relationship that requires the LEAVING Next is the husband - wife relationship which becomes primary the moment you say "I DO "  This relationship is permanent &it requires a CLEAVING. The problem arises when people fail to make the switch at the right time. In LEAVING your parents, it doesn't mean you should severe all ties with them.  It is the act of creating both a physical and emotional distance. It requires that you live, act & reason independently of your parents.  They no longer get to call the shots, neither are they still in charge.  Your loyalty and devotion now lies primarily with your husband. CLEAVING on the other hand is about joining yourself to partner to become one. There can be no CLEAVING without a LEAVING. That being said, I began to think again, when we talk about things hindering us from CLEAVING, we're indirectly saying there are things yet to be left. From experience, I've come to realize that  it's not only our parents we need to leave, its every habit, association, mindset and activity that stands between our LEAVING & CLEAVING. A large chunk of the crises in homes is because one party is not ready to LEAVE. So I ask you, what's that habit, attitude or lifestyle that is stopping you fron CLEAVING to your husband ; Is it the way you dress, the Friends you keep, your independent nature, your selfish desire to do things that please you yourself only and so on? What ever keeps you from CLEAVING needs to be left behind for your marriage to work. Its a pretty short message I know, but if You're single and you're not ready to leave your way of life, then you're not ready for marriage. Young ladies, the number 1 thing you should look out for in a man proposing marriage to you is if he is READY TO LEAVE. It's not by asking him, they are things you can see with your own naked eyes if you care to open them. Le me share a short illustration from Tony Evans " Adam recognized immediately how distinctly different Eve was from him, and he was excited about those differences. Adam also knew that Eve was part of him; she made him complete and drove his loneliness away. He called her ``bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.'' She was his helpmate and completer. It was love at first sight for Adam and Eve what we call a ``match made in heaven'' and with God's blessing they married immediately. Although it was Adam who gave us the introduction to marriage vows, the words were prompted by God. Verse 24 says, ``For this cause [because she was taken out of man], a man shall leave his father and his mother [Adam didn't have parents but would have left them for Eve], and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.'' That is marriage in a nutshell: leave, cleave, and become one. The great tragedy is that most people have heard these words many times but don't know what they mean. Let's take a closer look at this passage. The first step in marriage is for the man to leave his father and mother. If you are going to marry, you must be willing to sever ties. Women, if a man tells you he's going to marry you but is not willing to break with everything necessary to show you that there is nothing more important in life than loving you and spending time with you, that man doesn't understand marriage and isn't ready for it. Marriage means demonstrating a willingness to give up everything, because, as Adam said, ``This is now!'' Although a man might say he loves you, and as much as you'd like to think he's promising to share his whole life with you, he may only plan to work you into his schedule. He may not be planning to sever any ties, cut back on any activities, or give up anything for you. That kind of man doesn't know what marriage is about. God asks a man to give up the closest ties he has, because one of woman's greatest needs in marriage is for security. That is why a woman will sometimes ask her husband to hold her. Most men misinterpret that as a request for physical intimacy, but if the emotional need for security is on her mind, she is not thinking about physical desires. Because a wife needs to feel secure, a husband must leave his former ties. There must be something he gives up for his wife in order to demonstrate to her how deep a commitment he is willing to make. When he does that, he will begin to understand what marriage is all about." If a man is called to leav his father & Mother, how much more his Friends, lifestyle, habits..... Someone might be wondering if marriage means giving up everything that makes you an individual, I'll say no.....marriage means letting go of everything and everyone who won't let you cleave to your partner. So the next time you hear "a man shall leave his father and mother & cleave to his wife " remember there are a lot of other things you need to leave behind too. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12

LESSON FROM THE WOMAN IN THE FIELDS FOR SINGLES : RUTH

LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN IN THE FIELDS FOR SINGLES: RUTH As a continuation of our series on Lessons from women of virtue, we take a look at the life of Ruth, the great- grandmother of the King David, and of course one of very few women privileged to be in the lineage of JESUS or LINEAGE OF GRACE as it’s popularly called. The life of Ruth is one that reflects her virtues, shows what made her thick, how she became history’s favourite and how she was privileged to be found by the right man. Privileged because with or without Ruth, the messiah was pre designated to come from Bethlehem in Judah…… LESSON 1: RUTH HAD UNSHAKABLE LOYALTY. Ruth’s loyalty here is a very rare one. After her husband dies, she had every right, and opportunity to go back to her family, her people and her way of life. She was not in any way obliged to Naomi (Mother In-law) but yet she was ready to leave the familiar and stick with her mother in-law who did not seem like she had anything to offer her. This is true loyalty. It’s easy to appear loyal when you know you will be rewarded for it, but for RUTH, the story was different. She was going back with her mother in-law who has lost everything and despite the fact that she was from Bethlehem, she was returning to the unknown. Do you consider yourself as a loyal person? Are you someone who stays true even when things don’t look good, or do you run at the slightest confrontation from challenges? Marriage is a journey that will challenge you and your spouse and no man wants a woman who will only stand by him when the going is good. LESSON 2: RUTH HAD A SENSE OF PURPOSE. Like Myles Munroe once said “once purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable” if you don’t know want you want out of life, people will decide for you. Even though the future seemed bleak and uncertain, RUTH was certain about one thing, WHEREVER HER MOTHER INLAW WAS GOING, SO WAS SHE. Her purpose at that point in time was to follow her mother in-law and be with her until death. It was so strong that Naomi could not convince her to do otherwise. Even though Orpah left, Ruth knew what she wanted and she was not turning back. What do you stand for now that you are still single? What is your purpose, where does your focus lie? Your purpose ultimately informs your actions. The moment you figure out what you want to do with your life, your actions will align with it. Otherwise life will be meaningless and of course you will be a leach in every relationship you enter into. LESSON 3: RUTH GOT OVER HER TRAGEDY AND HAD A LIFE: To lose a loved one is a very traumatic experience and that includes the death of a husband. Imagine how RUTH felt when her husband died. The future must have seemed bleak for a widow with no child to call her own. It was enough for her to go into depression and wallow in self pity for the rest of her life. Sure people would pity her and understand her pains but soon enough the world would move on and RUTH would have been forgotten. Instead, she choose to take a step forward, she managed her tragedy, got over it and opened up to ne experiences and opportunity by leaving her people and going with her mother in-law. Even when they arrived in a new town, RUTH did not just sit down and wait for things to happen, she went out to look for work. She got engaged in an activity and continued with life. I remember a post I once came across on face book. It read something like “Keep saying I don’t trust men while your mates are getting married every Saturday” that was truly hilarious because it reminded of the cliché you find among single ladies. They complain about being jilted, cheated upon, and mistreated and so on. Honestly I understand it’s not a good experience but for Christ’s sake, give somebody else a chance. Stop using Paul’s stick to measure Peter. If you don’t get past your hurt you might never find a suitable partner. Get over that man, get over that hurt, let go of that bitterness, and get a life. LESSON 4: RUTH WAS HARD-WORKING: I’m sure this sounds familiar already as seen also in the life of Rebecca in the previous lesson. When Boaz got to his field and inquired about the young woman who was picking from behind, he was told about whom she was and that she had been picking all day since morning without taking a break. Like my mother always said, character is like smoke you can’t keep if hidden for too long; because it will always find a way out” RUTH’s hard work came to light and apparently she was not doing it because she knew the owner of the field or she was getting paid. There’s no need to dwell on this subject matter because there’s no substitute for hard work; you’re either hardworking or you’re lazy. LESSON 5: RUTH UNDERSTOOD THAT APPEARANCE WAS IMPORTANT: Unlike Rebecca, the Bible did not describe RUTH as a beautiful woman, but when she was to meet up with Boaz, she washed her face, perfumed herself and dressed nicely. Ladies, looking good is good business, it mattered before Christ and it still matters now. “If you can catch his eye, you can’t capture his heart”. Moderation is key though; so you don’t scare him in an attempt to capture his heart. LESSON 6: RUTH LISTENED TO THE COUNSEL OF THE MOTHER FIGURE IN HER LIFE- NAOMI: Until Naomi said so, Ruth was not thinking about her marriage options. Not only did Naomi conceive the grand plan to get Ruth a husband, RUTH listened to her OLD FASHIONED MOTHER INLAW. She was asked to go and lie at Boaz’s feet which symbolized she wanted to be under his protection and considered for marriage; and she did it exactly as she was told. A lot of young ladies perceive their parents and other authority figures in their life as old fashioned and no trendy and as such they tend to do things their own way. The outcome as we all know is usually disastrous. If you can’t accept the authority of your parents now, you would find it hard to accept that of your husband. Submission is not a virtue you develop in marriage; it is developed over the years before marriage. Are you submissive? Do you listen and act in accordance to the authority figures in your life? LESSON 7: RUTH WAS NOT A MATERIAL GIRL: The moment her desires were revealed to Boaz, he commended her for not pursuing desires based on sight. Now what Boaz expected was that a young lady like RUTH would have preferred young men in her age category. In Ruth 3:10 Boaz addressed her as “my daughter” which means Boaz must have been far older than she was. In fact in my research, I came across a material that said Boaz was about 80 years while RUTH was 40 years of age… now even I can’t get my head around that age difference. While I can’t confirm the validity of that statement, Boaz was far older than she was. As such he was most surprised when she showed her willingness to be his wife. I honestly cannot speak for you on what must have drawn her to Boaz, but I know she saw Boaz as a kins man who could redeem and prevent her husband’s line and of course there’s no questioning that Boaz had a good heart. A lot of singles today go after men get married to men for the wrong reasons. Examine yourself while you’re dating that man and before you say “I DO” make sure your reasons are valid. Money, good looks, position and power can be stripped from a man at any time “T”. Make sure you marry that that man for those things that cannot be taken. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12