KNOWING WHO YOU'RE MARRIED TO

In my second year of marriage, the atomosphere in my home felt like we were @ the brink of World War II. My husband & I were constantlt at each others throat and even though we spoke the same language we could not understand each other.  After a while, the constant pulling & tugging began to sap my energy & like the prodigal child, I decided it was high time for a change & a new course of action. My goal was to set aside my arguement & point of view for a moment while I tried to see just where he was coming from. It been years now and that moment has not passed by. I realized as I began my quest for knowledge, that we had been stressing ourselves for nothing. In all of our arguements, both of us were right & we spoke the truth from our point of view. The truth was simply a moving target & it varied for each of us. It was in the course of my search that I realized my husband like every other man was a logical being. I realized that to get him on the same page as myself, I would have to appeal to his logic & sense of reasoning instead of his emotions like I used to. I realized that the fact that women were emotional & expressive, it did not mean men did not feel pain, love, loss, gratitued & every other emotions we can think of. I realized that my husband would rather process his thoughts than arrive at hasty submissions I realized that my husband would rather act based on facts & logic than his emotions. I realized my husband took his family responsibilities seriously and would frown at anything that threatened it. The list is endless because I came to the realization of so many things. Someone might be asking what did I do with all of my courtship period? Well like I came to realize,courtship was just the beginning of so many discoveries. For each phase (husbandhood, fatherhood)  he entered into, there was something new to be discovered. Faliure to recognize this is why you keep hearing statements like "he has changed, I don't know him any longer ..." blah blah Aa long as your spouse lives, there will always be new things to discover.  Everyday,every contact with other people, every of his experiences, everything he watches, reads or feels is an opportunity for a paradigm shift - a new perspective, a new point of view & of course new sets of behaviour So stop looking at that partner of yours as the man you married, he is not. He has changed & he will continue to change because that's the only permanent thing. Your job is to keep up. Constantly seek ways to understand him & find out what's new about the current phase of his life. Getting to know or understand your spouse does not occur by chance. Its a delibrate act that requires your input. Some wives dont even know their husbands personality style and that's the only way to understand the reasons behind his actions . Did you know everyone has a love language? You need to know that of your husband so you'll know the fastest and most effective way to get to his heart. Knowing yours would also show him how best to relate with you. Read books,ask questions, observe him. Don't allow the routine of everyday life get in the way. Life long learning about your spouse is essential and requires TIME, COMMUNICATION, PERSISTENCE & PATIENCE.  In marriage the more you know the better it is for your relationships Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012