LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE WELL: REBECCA (FOR SINGLES) GEN24

LESSONS FROM THE WOMAN AT THE WELL :REBECCA (FOR SINGLES) Gen 24 As much as civilization has changed our world & the way we live ,some things will always  remain. When it comes to love, romance and marriage men & women  have always wanted the same thing.  Every man desires a woman who is decent, beautiful, hardworking, committed and every good virtue you can Imagine; while every single lady desires to be found by some "Prince Charming " These were the same desires women the bible days wanted and Rebecca was no exception. The point here is that of all the women who came out that evening to draw water from the well, Only one was chosen.....Let's find out why : LESSON 1: She was SELF DISCIPLINED & RESPONSIBLE ; History has it that Rebecca was born into nobility. Her father Bethuel was the ruler of Aram Naharam. So her father must have had a number of handmaidens who were available to carry out the chores.All the same, Bible records that when it was evening, the time all the young ladies came out to fetch water, Rebecca was among them. This young lady did not seat at home to look pretty while the servants did all the work, she knew the essence of training herself & preparing herself for the future.  I'm certain it was not only fetching Rebecca did, she must have done some cooking, washing & cleaning around the house. This is where most young ladies miss it. I've heard some ladies say few months before their wedding, they would take a crash course in cooking and I wonder how well they will fare. Just like Rebecca, you cannot tell exactly when your Isaac will come knocking for you and how terrible will it be if you're not ready. It doesn't matter what your background is or who your father is, get of your high horse and discipline yourself. Instill values that will be beneficial to you in the future. Imagine if Rebecca had sat back at home that evening, she would have missed out on Isaac and history. Marriage requires a lot and the earlier you start preparing, the better. Stop using that pedicure & manicure as an excuse. LESSON 2: She was KIND & EAGER TO HELP : The World is such a funny place today and what you see around is people who care about themselves alone. I know some people have gotten their fingers burnt in the process of trying to help others ; but there's a proverb in Yoruba that says " if we keep our eyes close because something entered into it, we would not know when something or someone good is passing by ". Every time you get the chance  to do something good, consider it an opportunity.  The prayer you should be praying as a single lady is that God should open your eyes to opportunities that would yield positive results. Rebecca did not know Elizer from Adam, neither did he look incapable of getting water for himself & his team (10 other men who travelled with him) yet she responded to him nicely and eagerly when he asked for water. Some ladies are still single because they have not mastered the art of being nice to others and being genuiely selfless & become sensitive to the needs of others. LESSON 3: She had INITIATIVE : I remember as a teenager, if i walked past a piece of litter on the floor or a something that wasn't in the right place, my father would ask me to use my initiative and do the right thing. Initiative in its simplest  term was the ability to do the right thing without begin told. Initiative was what put Rebecca in Elizers radar. Not only was she KIND, COURTEOUS & WILLING TO HELP, initiative told her the Camels must have been exhausted too. When you see something that shouldn't be, dont wait to be told before you do the right thing. Initiative is a sign of maturity and it might be the trait that causes that Prince Charming to notice you. LESSON 4: She was HARDWORKING & HAD STRONG WORK ETHICS. Do have any idea what it means to give water to camels to drink? . I understand that for one camel to be satisfied it would need about 20-30 gallons of water. Now Imagine how much water 10 thirsty camels would have needed. 200 gallons at the very least. Now Imagine Rebecca fetching 200 gallons to satisfy a stranger. It's not like she knew what was on his mind or the kind of woman he was looking for, Rebecca was just being trueto herself. No man wants to marry a lazy woman, not only because she would become a liability to him, what would she teach her children? Lazyness is not an attractive feature& trust me no amount of Mary Kay, Brazillian weavon or body figure can make up for it. The Proverbs 31 woman was refered to as an early riser and higly industrious wife. If you're lazy now that you're single, marriage will not automatically turn you into an hardworking wife. It starts now. LESSON 5: SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL :Genesis 24:15 described her as a beautiful woman & I'm sure you're wondering what beauty has to do since it usually out of your control.  True some women are more Attractive than others, but every woman is beautifully & wonderfully made. There's  a man for every colour, size, shape & height of woman in existence but we must remember that men are visual in nature and all your virtues will not be discovered if you dont look appealing.  Before we heard all about Rebecca's exploit, we were told of how beautiful she was. A lot of women came to that well, but Elizer chose her. Please Ladies, in getting your Isaac, there's a part for God to play & there's a part for you to play. God will not come down to dress you. He has made you beautifully, how you present yourself is your choice. , LESSON 6: SHE HAD DEVOTION TO HER UNSEEN HUSBAND & FAITH IN GOD'S PLAN FOR HER LIFE. After Elizer had delivered his message, he wanted to leave with Rebecca the next day but her family wanted her to stay for a few more days. Eventually Rebecca was asked to make a choice and she chose to leave. For me I was wowed. She had no idea who this Isaac was, neither did she know if he would love her, if she would love him of whether they would be compatible. She only knew one thing.  The marriage had been agreed upon, Isaac was now her husband and her devotion & loyalty must be to him. I know the situation is different these days and you might be wondering just how can you show devotion your future husband? It's in your everyday life- you show devotion to your future husband by keeping yourself, watch what you do, how you dress, talk & people you associate with. Ask yourself in every situation, if your future husband were to see you now, would he be proud of who you are, your actions?  If would he be ashamed. These days I've heard stories of young men who go on the internet to conduct a cyber search on ladies that interest them. So Imagine if you have gone in some crazy adventure, and the have some nude picture of yourself on the net. Or those crazy pictures of young ladies being circulated on the phone. If your future husband finds out about your past, would he proud?  If the answer is NO,  then watch it. Live each day in devotion to your future hearthrob. LESSON 7: SHE HAD FAITH IN GOD'S PLAN FOR HER LIFE. Nobody can teach you this just like no one taught Rebecca. If its God, you must learn to let go & trust. This is a lesson all women (single or married)  must learn to embrace. As a single lady, you must trust in God's plan for a suitable partner, don't try to manipulate a man into being your husband,  trust God & allow things unfold. Faith in God is the ultimate because God wont let you down. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12 ……..building homes one wise woman at a time

LESSONS FROM THE WELL FOR THE SINGLE & MARRIED WOMAN

LESSONS FROM THE WELL FOR THE SINGLE & MARRIED WOMAN Back in the days, especially in the middle east, WELLS were one of the most valuable asset an individual could posses that point in time; due to the scarcity of water prevalent in that region. This explains why Abraham and Isaac constantly had to settle disputes and contentions over their wells. The level of civilization at that time coupled with what the people did for a living (Herding & Agriculture) placed a heavy demand on water. A WELL was an assets and whoever owned one guarded it jealously. In the book of proverbs 5:15-20, a wife was likened to a WELL or FOUNTAIN OF WATER. The common word there being water; it was like the life force of everything that existed. I believe there are a lot of lessons we as women could learn from this “OLD WISE WELL” whether we are single or married. 3 LESSONS FROM THE WELL WATERED WELL 1.PRIVATE PROPERTY: The moment you get married, you belong to your husband alone and nobody else. Of course I know women are not some commodity to be bought and used to adorn the house, but I have used the term Private Property so it can easily be related to. A number of new brides struggle with this reality; as they tend to hold on to some of the ways they used to do things prior to I DO. I for example struggled with the idea of not being able to make my decisions independently as I used to before I got married. My husband expected that before I made any major decision whether it’s about my personal life or it concerns the both of us, we must have talked about it and agreed on the course of action to be taken. For some other women it’s their inability to manage their relationships with old friends and make time for their new husbands. Marriage is not a call to confinement or imprisonment, as some people put it. Marriage is a big deal; (Contrary to what the media wants us to believe`) it’s a covenant relationship between a man and a woman with God as the witness, the binding force and at the centre of it. Marriage should be respected. Your way of life, actions, appearance, and the words of your mouth should be a reflection of modesty, a sense of ownership to yours truly. There are public wells and there are private wells. In the Bible days, men fought over the ownership of these WELLS, (Gen 26:14-22), firstly because of what it’s worth and secondly because Public Wells had little or nothing to offer. I sometimes here single ladies say things like: I prefer being friends with boys, they are so much easier to get along with” If that is you, I guarantee you that your husband will not understand that ENGLISH of yours once you say I DO. Like I said once you get married, you belong to your husband, act like it. 2.A CALL TO SERVICE: I honestly do not think a WELL would be worth anything if it fails to provide water. The water from the well serves as a source of GROWTH, SUSTANANCE & NOURISHMENT. If what lies within you does not help your husband or your family, then you no better than a dry, polluted and abandoned well. Although the water that comes from the well is visible & tangible, the water from you as a wife is whatever essence or virtue you possesses which becomes a plus to your family. I could be your trading skills which leads to additional income for your family, it could be your homemaking skills which simplifies the life of everyone around you, it could your cooking skills which makes your entire households to come running home every evening. There must be something within you (water) that you use to serve and meet your family’s needs. MARRIAGE IS A CALL TO SERVICE 3.STAY CONNECTED TO SOURCE: No matter how privatized a well is, or how many people it serves, it will soon go dry if it’s not connected to source. As a woman (married or single) you must recognize the place of God as the giver of all inspiration. Dwelling daily on the word of God will keep you clean from every pollution, debris or dirt and help you stay fresh and relevant. The bottom line is that is that if you see yourself as a well, you will realize that your value comes from your content. i.e. what you have to offer; so the thoughts I leave you with is to ask yourself. “What kind of well are you and what kind of water do you have to offer?” ************************************************************************ Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders12 ……..building homes one wise woman at a time

WHEN HE DOESN'T MEASURE UP

WHEN HE DOESN'T MEASURE UP...... Recently, I've had to be reminded about our humane nature, the mortality of each one of us & most importantly the vulnerability of man; this is the feeling you get when you're suddenly dissapointed or a much anticipated desire falls short. Prior to marriage a lot of young women are filled with dreams & anticipation of what their ideal or dream marriage would look like; but these expectations are soon met with reality- -The reality that no one is perfect, -The reality that you should not have depended or trusted so much in man -The reality that God is the only one who can fufill all your expectations without letting you down It happens in everyday life & our marriages are no exceptions. I'm not saying you should not have expectations of your husbands; for example; -you expect your husband to love you, -you expect him to be faithful to you, -you expect him to fulfill his leadership roles in your marriage & your home -You expect him to be there for your children ..... The list is varied & endless for every woman, marriage & home. But you must remember that your husband is only human & there WILL be times he won't measure up or live up to expectations ; just as You & I as Wives have failed to live it up @ some point in time. I've realized especially from experience that on the average we set expectations based on people's strenght & personalities. For example its easy to put an honest man or a man with intergrity in charge of Money because you expect him not to steal; same thing applies in your marriage . Psalm 20:7-8" some trust in chariots & some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees & they fall, but we rise & stand firm " So the next time you experience a big let down in your marriage, take it as a subtle reminder from God telling you to trust him instead. The whole idea is to rely on The Spirit of God to work through your spouse & make up for those places where he might fall short. Zer 4:6 "its not by power or by  might, but by His Spirit. When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to burst into a fury  of anger, -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to apportion blames & make him realize how incapable he is -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to shout it on the rooftops -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to hold on to malicious grudges -When your partner does not measure up; it's not a time to stop loving......... - It's a time to pray for his weaknesses & They strenght he so much needs -It's a time to love even when you don't feel like it or think he is not deserving of it (That's unconditional) A let down on the  part of your partner is a feed back process that calls for sincere & open dialouge. Your place as a partner or a wife is not to be the first one to castigate him or laugh at him when he falters; neither is is for you judge him. Your job function is to help him stand again. Ecc 4:9 says "2 are better than 1; while verse 10 says "if one falls down ;his friend can help him up " The Bible recognises there will be times we fall, times when our strenght fails us, but things will be a lot easier when there's a friend to help us up. This is the core of my message; WHEN YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T MEASURE UP; MAKE SURE YOU'RE THAT WIFE (FRIEND) WHO HELPS HIM UP(Ecc 4:9-12); NOT ONE THAT DIGS HIS GRAVE...... ®HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL  2012 .........Building homes one wise woman at a time To receive daily updates from our blog, visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 You can also send your questions, enquiry and comments to homebuilders@gmail.com -

BE THANKFUL

BE THANKFUL ”Don’t spoil what you have by desiring what you don’t have because what you have now is one of the many things you once desired for” Rasheed Byrant Just lastweek Thursday America celebrated Thanksgiving Day. Although I had always been hearing about the popular “Thanksgiving day”, I decided to get some education on the reason behind such celebration. For those who used to be like me, let’s get you enlightened. Thanksgiving Day is a holiday celebrated in the United States on the fourth Thursday in November. It has officially been an annual tradition since 1863 (over a century-149years precisely) when during the Civil War, president Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of “Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in Heavens”. It’s a National Holiday. Enough of the history lessons……. Shortly before this day, my email and twitter pages were filled with a lot of anticipation from people as they prepared for this big event. It’s a time to celebrate, cook, dine, share, appreciate, laugh, relax, love, reminisce ,forgive, reunite and most importantly show appreciation and be thankful for all that you have been given. On days like this, it’s amazing how our perspective shifts from the things we don’t have to the much we have blessed with. This I believe is an approach we should adopt in our everyday life.( especially in your marriage) As the world celebrates this special season of Thanksgiving, look inward into your marriage, relationship and family and identify those things you are thankful for. Just like I posted in my previous article, (www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com/2012/11/dealing-with-weeds-2.html?m=1) a young woman was complaining of how bad her husband was at folding the laundry and she was quickly reminded of how lucky she was to have a man who even cared to do the laundry. You might not be blessed with the perfect husband, but be thankful you have a husband; He might not live up to your expectation in terms of financial provisions, but be thankful he is responsible enough to drop something; you might not like that he comes back home late everyday; but be thankful he comes homes at all. There’s an adage in Yoruba that says that “olorun o kin se nkan ko ma fi aye ope sile” it means “God never does anything without leaving something to be thankful for” and like Bishop David Oyedepo once says, you cannot be thankful without being thoughtful. That is exactly where I want to draw you too today…. The realm of being thoughtful. If you have ever lost anything, God is the reason why you have not lost anything. Someone might be thinking “My partner and I are trying to fight for our marriage”; be thankful you still have a marriage worth fighting for. Don’t underestimate what goes on around you; don’t underestimate the service your spouse renders for you; look at your everyday life and find something, anything to be thankful for. Below are some excerpts (on twitter @HusbandWifeLife) of what some people are thankful for-hopefully you will be inspired; Genny Lee @Ladyvent: I am thankful for my husband!He believes in me!Makes me want to be better person Forbidden @Cali_chosen1: My husband puts up with the good, bad and the ugly. I’m so thankful God made that man just for me Antoinette @TREmendous08: I’m thankful for my fiancé because he’s loyal, determined,hardworking,kind hearted and loves my flaws @esselcp: I’m thankful for my hubby who still finds time to cook for our 2 boys and I despite having a full time job Padiso Bilankulu @RahabMakola: I’m thankful for my husband because he is my best friend; he makes me laugh when I feel like crying Stacey Hernadez @staceystace1: I’m thankful that my husband puts my needs before his own. So blessed I found such a good man. Bottom line is this; just as it’s been said 1Thess 5:18) “Give thanks in ALL circumstances, because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus) Your marriage/relationship is a gift, just as your spouse is, you either learn to accept their flaws or ignore them. Constantly be on the lookout for the good in them and appreciate them; after all “nobody throws away the baby with the bath water”……….. BE THANKFUL…. “ we tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have” Frederick Keonig So what are you thankful for? Lets have your feedback......... To receive daily updates from our blog, visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 You can also send your questions, enquiry and comments to homebuilders@gmail.com Remember to get your copy of my e-book “A WISE WOMAN BUILDS” for just N1, 000.00 ®HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL (Prepare, Preserve & Build)

Dealing with Weeds CONTINUED ......

DEALING WITH WEEDS IN YOUR MARRIAGE CONTINUED…………. Some people are likely to think that weeds refer to big or major issues in a marriage…… I beg to differ… Weeds are actually the little things that lead to the big things. Lets take infidelity as an example… the “INFIDELITY “ in its self is not the weed, it’s the taking your spouse for granted, failure to meet his emotional needs, failure to take care of yourself and remain attractive, failure to speak his love language, these and many more are the weeds that lead to infidelity. The weeds in most cases are often small and very easy to sideline in a relationship; by the time you discover them, the damage has been done. Contrary to popular belief, weeds are not only sown by the enemy. Have you ever heard the phrase that nature harbors vacuum? I’m sure you’ve have heard severally that when you point a finger at someone, the remaining four are pointing in your direction. Those four fingers represent 75%; meaning that you are responsible for a larger portion of the weeds that grow. When searching for weeds, start with the man in the mirror. Look at your shortcomings; look for those actions of yours that build walls instead of bridges and put and end to them To receive daily updates from our blog, visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 You can send your questions, enquiry and comments to homebuilders@gmail.com Remember to get your copy of my e-book “A WISE WOMAN BUILDS” for just N1, 000.00 ®HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL (Prepare, Preserve & Build)

DEALING WITH WEEDS 2

y Nancy C. Anderson I asked a girlfriend who wasrecently divorced, "When did you first notice that your marriage was in trouble?" She replied, "Looking back, I see that it had been slowly crumbling away for years. It happened so gradually that I can't even tell you when we stopped having fun or when we stopped holding hands. He started spending more time at work, and I was relieved when hecalled to sayhewouldn't behomefor dinner. We didn't have huge fights, but we were both critical and impatient. He says that he 'fell out of love' because I didn't care about his needs." "Do you think he ever loved you?" I asked. "Oh, I know he did! When we first got married, we finished each other's sentences and almost read each other's minds. We used to share all our dreams and make wonderful plansfor our future. . . . But the last few years, I got too busy with the kids and outside interests, and he poured himself into his career. Our marriage was just on auto pilot." "Then how did it crash?" I asked. "There was a woman at his officewho,hesays,waseverything I wasn't [exciting, interesting, flirtatious, and encouraging], and he left me and our two children so he could be with her. There wasn't any one big thing that killed our love, just a million little things." Her story is all too common. A verse in the Bible warns us about the small stuff: "The little foxes are ruining the vineyards" (Song 2:15 TLB). Sometimes horrific tornadoes, likethedeath of a child or mentalillness,intrudeinto our vineyards and ruin them. Perhaps they are flooded by physical or verbal abuse, but more likely, the little foxes of indifference, neglect, criticism, or score keeping creep through the hedges and rob our marriages of their fruit. Here is a little fox that sneaks into many marriages: It's easier to criticize than to praise, and it's hard to keep our mouths shut when our mate makes a mistake. Ladies, if you want your husband to enjoy your company, remember this important truth: You are not his mother. It's not your job to correct him, especially about insignificant things. We recently got a first-hand demonstration when we went to visit our neighbors. Ron asked them, "How was your vacation?" Joe said, "It was a wonderful trip! We left early to avoid the heavytraffic." Sally interrupted, "Well, it wasn't that early. It was 7:00. I remember because I looked at the clock. Did you look at the clock Joe?" "No dear, I did not look at the clock. Anyway, it felt early to me. So we drove to this rustic little mom-and-pop restaurant in the mountains and had some of the best pancakes in the world." "I can't believeyou thought those were good pancakes! I thought they were lumpy and cold and too expensive." "Okay, maybe they weren't so great, but I was hungry, so I liked them. By dinnertime, we made it all the way to the cabin. It's four hundred miles-" "Actually, dear, it's three hundred-eighty-seven miles. I looked at the odometer. Did you look at the odometer?" "No, dear, I didn't."Hesighed and continued,"Icooked up some juicy T-bone steaks for dinner and-" "We had the steaks on Friday, not Thursday. I know because I had a headache on Friday and steaks always giveme a headache." "You're giving me a headache right now. And if you don't stop interrupting me and correcting me, I'm going to quit talking." "I'm just trying to help you. I want you to get your facts right. Boy, you sure are grumpy." Joe stood up, mumbled a good-bye, and clomped out of the room. Sally said, "I don't know what's wrong with him. We haven't been getting along lately. He hardly ever talks to me anymore." That's because she kept shutting him down. He was excited about telling us his story, but with each of her corrections, he lost enthusiasm, until hefinally gave up. If you tend to be a corrector, ask yourself, "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be loved?" The divorce courts are full of lonely people who were always "right." I'm not telling you that you should never correct each other. If someone has made a serious error, pull him or her aside and whisper, "You must have forgotten that Aunt Betty's new husband doesn't like to be called by her old husband's name." In general, however, unless the slip is a biggie,let itgo. I was leading a round-table discussion at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. One of the women said, "I'm so upset with my husband! Just before I left the house this morning, he was taking the laundry out of the dryer and was folding the towels all wrong! I've shown him how to do it a hundred times, but he never gets it right!" I formed a "time-out T" with my hands and said, "Whoa Nellie, you're forgetting the big picture . . . . He's doing laundry! My husband hasn't washed a load of towels since Nixon was president." I took a survey of the other women, and only one of them had a hubby who was laundry literate. "You have a jewel of a husband!" I said. "Next time he's folding towels, no matter how crooked they are, I think you should give him a big kiss and a 'Thank you!'" Do you remember the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? If we whine about every little thing, our spouses will tune us out. Then when something serious is troubling us, they won't hear us. If we guard against the little verbal foxes and keep our vineyards safe and healthy, the fruits of our marriage will be sweet and tender. My thoughts ...... Whether we can call them Weeds or little foxes, one thing is certain, they have the ability to ruin our marriages if care is not taken. It's in our action, our reaction, what we do or that we fail to do......weeds are constantly seeking for an opportunity to grow . One way women or wives sleep or permit these Weeds is found in every CRITICISM, FINGER POINTING, BLAME SHIFTING & THE NEED TO BE RIGHT. To prevent these little foxes from destroying everything good about your marriage, you must learn to prevent them. Ask your self this question before you say a word to your husband or react to a situation next time "will my words be nuturing or destroying my marriage "? You will be suprised at how much less you have to say. Lack of communication is a weed dont give it a chance. As we continue to explore more, I'll love to hear your thoughts or personal experiences send them to homebuilderssn@gmail.com To receive daily updates from our blog, visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 You can send your questions, enquiry and comments to homebuilders@gmail.com Remember to get your copy of my e-book “A WISE WOMAN BUILDS” for just N1, 000.00 ®HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL (Prepare, Preserve & Build)

DEALING WITH THE WEEDS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

DEALING WITH THE WEEDS IN YOUR MARRIAGE Last week, I talked about the need to staying awake, being on top of your game and delivering on your role as a wife, mother, companion and most importantly helper. The book of Matthew 13:24-28 shows that while the farmer slept, the enemy planted. Like I emphasized previously, you (the woman) are the farmer, and the farm represents your marriage and your home. Every time you fail to do the needful, you sleep Every time you take your partner for granted, you sleep Every time you fail to forgive your partner, you sleep Every time you declare a cold war in your house and fail to communicate with your partner, you sleep Every time you choose your job, career, or business above your partner, you sleep Every time you choose your family, friends and relative above your partner, you sleep The moment you stop nurturing, paying attention and caring to your farm (marriage), you sleep and the weeds will grow. Having said this, it’s very possible that a number of women have slept, allowed the weeds of infidelity, mistrust, abuse, anger, resentment and lack of communication to grow in their marriages and are at a loss of how to proceed. The most important tool to have if you’re in a situation as this is a good attitude…. As unusual as this may seem, the fact of life is that we are most likely to face and overcome challenges if we approach them with the right attitude….  When the farmer and his workers in the parable discovered the treacherous act of the enemy, he did not put his hand on his head and start running helter skelter; rather when his worker sought to provide rash and immediate solution, he refrained them and asked them to leave the weeds till harvest time because they might hurt the Wheat (good seed) in the process-that’s a clear definition of a good attitude. There have been so many instances where a crisis in a marriage has been worsened by taking rash actions and decision…..the discovery of weeds in your marriage is not an excuse to stop nurturing the farm. If you do, you will end up with no weed or poor quality wheat. Identify the weeds or the problem as the case may be and begin to build bridges. Identify those places where you fell asleep and come alive to your responsibilities…… make your spouse after God the most important person in your life…. Watch the way you talk to him, treat him like a kings even though you feel you feel he doesn’t deserve it, love him even when you don’t feel like it, talk to him even when he is not responding to you; tend to his needs even when he does not seem to appreciate it……. I know this is not the conventional reaction a lot of women are expecting, but I draw reference form Roman 12:2 “ don’t be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasing to him” (CEV) another version says, “don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think…… then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (NLT) Marriage is God’s institution and only the application of godly principles can provide a lasting solution to every challenge you might encounter. The world’s standard is for you to give an eye for an eye, payback, if he hurts you, hurt him back, if he won’t talk to you, don’t talk to him, if he cheats on you, cheat on him too, and so on. Truth is that two wrongs don’t make a right and each time you do these things, you might think you’re pulling out the weeds, but you’re also pulling out the wheat (everything good that is left in your marriage) In the parable, the farmer’s goal was to continue to nurture and wait till harvest time when it will be easy to pick out the weeds without destroying the wheat. Likewise in your marriage, you must nurture and wait and pray. Don’t be rash with your decisions and actions. The presence of weeds is not the end of your marriage. I’ll end with 1peter3:1-2 “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives” (NLT) “If you’re a wife, you must put your husband first. Even though he opposes our message, you will win him over by what you do. No one else will have to say anything to him because he will see how you honor God and live a pure life” (CEV) That is what the bible means when it says we should not be or think like the people of this world……… don’t give more room to the devil in your marriage or your home by rashly pulling out the weeds, nurture, wait, and pray………….. The rest God will handle. To receive daily updates from our blog, visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 You can send your questions, enquiry and comments to homebuilders@gmail.com Remember to get your copy of my e-book “A WISE WOMAN BUILDS” for just N1, 000.00 ®HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL (Prepare, Preserve & Build)