DEVELOPING WIFE WORTHY VIRTUES

Hello Friends, It's been almost one year we began our journey and its amazing how far God has brought us & how many lives he has used The Home Builders Ministry to touch. There's no doubt that this is only the beginning of greater things to come. To celebrate our one year milestone, Home Builders will be having it's 1st annual Singles Preserved & Prepared  Summit . The theme for this year is "DEVELOPING WIFE WORTHY VIRTUES " The summit is free for all Singles, at the end which certificates of attendance will be issued to all participants. All participants will need to register ahead : when registration opens on Tuesday 29th of January. The registration details will be made available then. It's going to be a wonderful experience,  as I and other invited guest will be open your eyes to create a paradigm shift. Your relationship is important. It can MAKE or MAR your entire destiny thus; it's important to get it right. Maximum number of participants is 100 people and it's on a first come, first serve bases. So look out  for the registration details. For sponsorship or if you would like to have a stand at this event, call Eyitemi on 08167303190. ® Home Builders International                              ........preserve, prepare and build WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT HOME BUILDERS -----> " Hello ma, I'm Jeremiah, finished from CU also n doing my MSc @ d UK now. I read all your articles and they are EXTREME blessings to me as I jst recently entered the 1st serious relationship in my life (by His grace, heading 4 marriage). I'd like to add...PLEASE, refuse to be discouraged by such -ve comments on your recent post; if not for anything, for d sake of such pple who actually learn and are blessed by ur articles. Continue to grow in grace against all odds ma. #Double Portion#" -----> " U r doing a good job God bless u loads" Bunmi Kehinde Ojo -----> " Hi, just want to tell you that you are doing a great job with your post on facebook. Am proud of what you are doing. Lives are blessed on daily basis. Keep it up! God bless you." Segun Laiyenfe -----> " Temi... This is IT! The Note on Leaving and Cleaving. I am happy I have one person in the world who shares my thot on it, and more, u gave it full expression. Thanks so much. I'd share it with all my friends." Sandra Adevokahi

WHAT IS MARRIAGE TO YOU

Marriage is so many things to different people & how we view it determines our actions. If to you marriage is a one man show, then you will be content doing things as an individual without recourse to the other party. If to you marriage is a contractual arrangement that can be dissolved when one party breaches the terms & conditions, all you will see in your partner are the negatives that call for a dissolution If marriage to you is a game, then your priority would not be on the welfare of your partner, neither will it be on the success of your marriage, your priority would be on winning. It gives you a selfish mentality causing you to be in the spotlight. Marriage as a game leaves you with one desire  -----------> to win at all cost. To me, marriage will always be what my father told me years ago as a bride to be. He said " Marriage is like a car. Your husband is the driver while you're (me)  a front seat passenger " Just like my father said, veiwing marriage as a car has taught me a lot over the years... -----> The only way to ensure we as a couple will ever arrive at the same place is to ensure we are heading for the same destnation. We have no buisness getting in the car in the first place if we can't figure out or agree on where we are going to. (Singles take note) As a couple there must be a vision, an agreement on what you expect from your marriage. Once that is done your actions will align automatically. -----> There is only one steering wheel and driver's seat; thus there can be only one driver. Stop the power struggle. When you struggle with the person driving, either of these happen ; you crash, driver looses concentration and goes of route, delay & loss of precious time. Every time you struggle for control with your husband you get into arguements & misunderstandings that stagnates your relationship & marriage.  Someone might ask "what then is my role? " "am I supposed to be docile? " "what if he is driving us into a ditch & he can't see it? " These are the common concerns in the heart of most women & what you need most is the WISDOM to deal with it. Your role as a wife is like that of a compass. Everyone who has ever lost their way knows and appreciates the value of a compass. Note what I said "everyone who has lost his /her way ". Because of the egoistical nature in a man, they often struggle in admitting their wrongs.  While on the drivers seat, offer him your suggestions before making decision together.  If he decides to go on a certain path (except it posses a danger to your life & safety) allow him make his mistakes  & learn from them. I realized in my marriage that the moment I try to super impose my decisions or point of view things go from bad to worse.  My marriage & I suffer for it immensely and my husband never learns his lessons. As Wives we must learn to allow our husbands make mistakes & learn from them. Only then will they come to value your wise counsel.  Remember, if you struggle you, you might just crash.... ----->Marriage is like a car, check the oil level, ensure you have water in your radiator, gauge your tires, ensure your headlamps are in good conditions,because the night would come,dont leave things to chance, be delibrate about it because no  matter how much you agree on your destination, a bad car would never get you there. Service your Car, take time out with your spouse to refresh......... Marriage is like a Car, don't stay on the bad roads for too long. It causes "wear & tear ". If all you do is fight with your partner all day, someday neither of you will be able to continue with the drama Marriage is like a car, fuel it with love, passion, intimacy, communication to keep it going. Marriage is like driving a Car, be focused, avoid distractions to avoid  a crash. Keep your eye on your partner because when your eye is single, your whole body would be full of light. Marriage is like a car, & it's only as good as the parties in it. I have just shared what marriage is to me, I'd love to hear yoyr thoughts ....... What is marriage to you? Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

KNOWING WHO YOU'RE MARRIED TO

In my second year of marriage, the atomosphere in my home felt like we were @ the brink of World War II. My husband & I were constantlt at each others throat and even though we spoke the same language we could not understand each other.  After a while, the constant pulling & tugging began to sap my energy & like the prodigal child, I decided it was high time for a change & a new course of action. My goal was to set aside my arguement & point of view for a moment while I tried to see just where he was coming from. It been years now and that moment has not passed by. I realized as I began my quest for knowledge, that we had been stressing ourselves for nothing. In all of our arguements, both of us were right & we spoke the truth from our point of view. The truth was simply a moving target & it varied for each of us. It was in the course of my search that I realized my husband like every other man was a logical being. I realized that to get him on the same page as myself, I would have to appeal to his logic & sense of reasoning instead of his emotions like I used to. I realized that the fact that women were emotional & expressive, it did not mean men did not feel pain, love, loss, gratitued & every other emotions we can think of. I realized that my husband would rather process his thoughts than arrive at hasty submissions I realized that my husband would rather act based on facts & logic than his emotions. I realized my husband took his family responsibilities seriously and would frown at anything that threatened it. The list is endless because I came to the realization of so many things. Someone might be asking what did I do with all of my courtship period? Well like I came to realize,courtship was just the beginning of so many discoveries. For each phase (husbandhood, fatherhood)  he entered into, there was something new to be discovered. Faliure to recognize this is why you keep hearing statements like "he has changed, I don't know him any longer ..." blah blah Aa long as your spouse lives, there will always be new things to discover.  Everyday,every contact with other people, every of his experiences, everything he watches, reads or feels is an opportunity for a paradigm shift - a new perspective, a new point of view & of course new sets of behaviour So stop looking at that partner of yours as the man you married, he is not. He has changed & he will continue to change because that's the only permanent thing. Your job is to keep up. Constantly seek ways to understand him & find out what's new about the current phase of his life. Getting to know or understand your spouse does not occur by chance. Its a delibrate act that requires your input. Some wives dont even know their husbands personality style and that's the only way to understand the reasons behind his actions . Did you know everyone has a love language? You need to know that of your husband so you'll know the fastest and most effective way to get to his heart. Knowing yours would also show him how best to relate with you. Read books,ask questions, observe him. Don't allow the routine of everyday life get in the way. Life long learning about your spouse is essential and requires TIME, COMMUNICATION, PERSISTENCE & PATIENCE.  In marriage the more you know the better it is for your relationships Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

IF HE WANTS THE MILK......HE SHOULD BUY THE COW

Recently I read about a female undergraduate student who was brutally and mercilessly beaten by her boyfriend. By now you’re probably wondering what she had done to deserve such a treatment. Did they have and argument, did she do something wrong? If you’re asking these questions, I’m afraid you’re wrong because this young lady got beaten for….burning….rice! Yes it’s exactly what I said. She got beaten for burning rice. After sharing with my colleagues at the office, someone mentioned that she and that boyfriend of her must have been living together. This reminded me of an all time important issue-COHABITATION! It’s no longer news that a large number of singles, ladies especially, have cultivated the habit of living together with the opposite sex. And at the end risk of sounding “old fashioned” it makes me wonder if they have any idea what this seemingly ignorant and foolish action can cost them tomorrow. I’m personally yet to understand the reason why young ladies feel the need to sell themselves short to please and keep a man and their relationship. It’s belittling and the reality is that it has become one of the many factors contributing to the declining success in marriage these days. You discover so many ladies are performing wifely duties for a man who has given them little or no commitment. You give them SEX, wash their clothes, you make their meals; you clean the house and so much more all in the hope that your actions would buy his commitment. It’s so disturbing; why should he get married to you when he is getting all he needs, wants and much more. Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for FREE. Honestly if I’m talking to you, it’s high time you sat yourself down and have  a rethink. I have seen girls who dated and lived with a man for years and yet he did not settle down with them. They had given years of their love, energy and sweat with nothing to show for it. When you cohabit with a man that’s not your husband and perform wifely duties when you have never even met any member of his family, not to mention being acknowledges as his fiancé (even if you are) you lose self respect, you appear desperate and most of all FOOLISH I have seen people who actively endorse co-habitation saying things like it prepares you for marriage blah blah blah and I will actively face them square down to disagree. Co-habitation does not make for a successful marriage because it lacks a key ingredient which every marriage has-COMMITMENT When you cohabit there’s no major commitment. Both of you are only attempting to give your relationship a shot; to see if it will work out and the irony is that since you’re not bound by law or covenant, you can readily back down at any time. CO-HABITATION is not love, neither is it a guarantee for your relationship. ITS IS SELFISH MANIPULATION AND EXPLOITATION. Let me state at this point that nobody is a victim here. The lady lives with a man in a bid to buy him over with her body and wifely actions (Manipulation) while the man gets the benefits of a helper for free (Exploitation ) There’s a reason why God expects intending couples to wait until they are married before living together. For one he said “marriage is honorable the bed undefiled” (no premarital sex) and even if those all around you are doing it, it doesn’t make it right. When you live with a man who is not your husband, you stand the risk of giving the best part of yourself to someone you might not get married to. Listen ladies, men are physical in nature. They are chasers and they value the most what they have earned or paid a price to accomplish. I’m talking about value laden relationship where the man chooses to be with you because of the virtues he sees and admires in you. If a man is living alone there are certain things he needs to learn how to do. Not only will he be preparing himself to be a responsible husband and father in the future, the moment they realize that ladies are no longer willing to sell themselves short, they will sit up learn the DIY (Do It Yourself) method The story of the undergraduate I mentioned earlier said that that girl was actually busy with other chores in the apartment and forgot there was rice on fire. What other chores was she carrying out? Washing, sweeping, and cleaning. Without a doubt she must have been having sex with that boyfriend of hers and all her LABOUR OF LOVE did not matter when he pounced on her like a mad dog. She could have died; she could have become another statistics ;all for what and for who? A large number of girls who labour in their boyfriends’ house would not even lift a finger in their father’s house to help out in the home. So what exactly are you trying to prove? If living with A does not work out; you’ll move in with B, how many men you have to sleep with, cook for, and clean for before you meet the right person. How many frogs do you have to kiss to find your prince charming? Ladies wise up and stop the self selling trade and if you won’t listen to wise counsel at least make sure you get paid for your services….because even maids get paid. For all the young men out there, if you want it, you should put a ring on it. For the records, Beyonce was not the first to say that, Apostle Paul had said so many many years ago. 1 Corinthians 7: 2 & 9 Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

8 LESSONS FROM ANIMALS THAT MATE FOR LIFE

8 LESSONS FORM ANIMALS THAT MATE FOR LIFE You’re probably wondering why animals? In a world where divorce and separation has become the other of the day, marriage is fast losing its value and original intent. While attending a training program organized by my office, I watched a short video of the book “WHO MOVED BY CHEESE” by Spencer Johnson. Of all the lessons learnt, one thing has stayed with me all through- “humans are too complex for their own good”. Unlike Sniff and Scurry (the mice characters) they simply smelt the direction of their cheese and followed after it. Whenever their cheese was moved, they would smell out where the new cheese was and go for it. Hem and Haw (human characters) on the other hand over analyzed things when their cheese was moved. They asked why their cheese was moved, who moved it, how it was moved, to where it was moved? They kept going in circles for days without cheese until Haw was able to embrace the changing tides and locate his cheese, while Haw remained in misery (You will need to read the book to get a full understanding). What’s my point exactly? My point is that even when it comes to marriage, we humans bring in the entirety of our complexity; I decided to look into the animal kingdom and see if there was a thing or two we could learn from them. It might sound weird to want to learn from animals about marriage and you might think what they could possibly know about it. Well they might not know much about love or spending so much money in preparation of saying I DO at the altar, but they know a whole lot about COMMITMENT, LOYALTY, STICKING TOGETHE and a few other things we would examine in the course of the article. Surprised? So was I when I began to unravel the mystery behind how they managed to mate for life. I figured that if God could ask to learn about disciple and hard work from the ant, why we can’t take marriage lessons from these animals. For the purpose of this article, I have listed a few of the animals that mate for life and will be listing out the habits found in these animals. They are; SWANS, Kirk’s Dik-dik (African Antelope), CONVICT CICHLID (FISH), , AND BLACK VULTURES. You might have heard about some of these animals while I’m certain you a new to some. Either way like the scripture says, “These things are for our examples” LESSON 1: LOYALTY  The number one reason that cuts across all of these animals is their sense of loyalty and duty. Defined as the act of being faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, individual or an unswerving allegiance, it is a pre requisite for couples that desire to stay married.  To stay loyal to your spouse means believe in and accept everything that makes up your spouse and subscribe to all that makes them who they are. In our society today even outside marriage a lot of people have no idea what it means to stay faithful  and loyal to one person except of course there is a catch. Marriage cannot survive if both partners cannot be loyal and even prove that loyalty to each other.  Your loyalty must be reflected in your actions, conversations and priorities.  Practicing loyalty to your partner means remember all that you owe to your spouse. In the olden days when you save the life of someone they become indebted to you and the one way they pay back is pledging their allegiance to you. They become loyal to you until the very end. It’s a way of acknowledging they owe their life to the person who once saved them. You’re not being loyal if you doing it because of what you stand to get at the end that’s deception. When you are loyal to your spouse, you can be trusted. If you can be trusted, you marriage stands a chance. LESSON 2: PROTECTION OF YOUR SPOUSE/FAMILY Of all the animals studied it was the Kirk’s Dik-dik (African Antelope); that displayed this quality. First the male deer sticks around to cover his mates’ female scent, reducing the likelihood of other males sniffing her out. The simple truth we can learn here as a human is the need to protect our spouses. Don’t say things that will be little them in the eyes of others. At this point let me say a lot of women are in the habit of relating every conflict they have with their spouse to their parents. Truth is that long after you have your forgiven him, trust me your parents might not. Protect your spouse from the attack of others. In the world of these animals, most of them are known for philandering and having multiple partners and although few there are still animals that mate for life and do things differently. You can make your marriage to be among that few. Like wise men as the case might differ. LESSON 3: LEAVE AND CLEAVE A lot on this subject matter has been said already and it’s amazing why human beings find it difficult to pull this off when animals can. The Convict cichlid usually pairs off with its mate in a crevasse they can call their own. It’s absurd although it still happens to see couples living with their parents. If a man cannot afford to set out on his own, get a place and start taking some responsibility then he’s not yet a candidate for marriage. When you leave and cleave, it gives you the much independence you need as a couple and as a family to grow. LESSON FOUR: RESPONSIBLE PARENTING All the animals here displayed this trait, apparently if the relationship between a man and his wife works out, then they tend to be better parents for their children. Take for example Swans, when some of the eggs hatch, the male takes the little swans on their first swim while the mother swans sits to warm the remaining eggs. The Convict cichlid pair spends time fanning the eggs laid by the female, and keeping potential predators at bay. When the larvae hatch, the two parents share the burden of keeping tabs on them. If any wander off, the parents suck them into their mouths and spit them back out in the safety of the home cave. The Prairie voles and Black Vultures are also known for sharing parenting duties. Truth be told, if you are not a responsible spouse you most likely cannot be a responsible parents. Of all the animals that mate for life, no reference was made of the Ostrich (king of birds). It is described as a bird who although can outrun a horse, she leaves her eggs lying on the dust and at the mercy of predators. A quote says that the bonds of marriage are not sown in a day, but with lots of tiny thread over the years and children are one of those threads. Animals that mate for life are also in the habits of raising their little ones TOGETHER. Children further cement the bond between a man and his wife. It gives them more reasons to stay together and make their marriage work. @ Least that’s the way it should be. LESSON FIVE: DEVELOP ONE ANOTHER Prairie voles and Gibbons are in this habit. It is reported that they spend hours grooming each other; making each other better. You will enjoy fulfillment in your marriage if makes you better and brings out the best in you. Nobody throws away a good thing; thus if you are fulfilled in your home, your marriage is bound to survive.  Your partner has strengths and weaknesses and both your partner and your marriage stands to gain a lot if these strengths are harnesses with weaknesses improved. Develop you partner with your words, encourage them, don’t be quick to criticize them or bring down their morale. When your spouse sees that he/she gets better as a result of being with you, he/she would definitely seek to cultivate and stick on. Bottom line if you want to stay married for life; constantly seek out ways to make your partner better. Groom one another. LESSON SIX: INTIMACY Prairie voles have been described as appearing cuddly asides the grooming of each other. One word for this behavior of theirs is none other than INTIMACY. Intimacy is not sex; it’s about having a sense of belonging, closeness, inseparability, familiarity, nearness and so on. It allows both partners to bare themselves to each other at every level to each. For your marriage to stand a chance at forever, you must get close to your spouse beyond the level of physical intimacy. You must strive to attain emotional and spiritual intimacy. When you and your partner get to the level whereby you can talk about your fears, hopes, dreams, goals without fear of rebuke, then you have achieved intimacy. LESSON SEVEN: ENGAGIN IN SIMILAR INTEREST: In his book HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by William F. Harley one of the ways to build an affair proof marriage was to be a recreational playmate with your spouse.  This is exactly what the Black Vulture does. The pair hangs out together all year round. They fly in the skies together, scavenge for food together and do every activity together. This of course makes them inseparable.  What activity do you engage in with your spouse? You need to find that activity that both of you enjoy doing.  And when you succeed at that, it leads to my next point. LESSON EIGHT: QUALITY TIME This is often the needs of a lot of women who feel and complain that they are not getting enough of their husbands. For the Black Vulture who hangs out together all year round, it increases the Bonding process. When you spend time with your spouse, you invest in that person emotionally, you increase the bond between both of you, you become inseparable and ultimately you become 1. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

KILLING THE ME MENTALITY IN YOUR MARRIAGE

One of the biggest  challenge couples  faces after marriage after letting go of "I "& replacing it with "WE " or "US ". As a single lady who is used to making her decisions for herself & by herself, it might be a little challenging to YIELD to your partner. When couples have a misunderstanding, often times it's because one or both partners still acts like an individual instead of a unit. Upon marriage it's expected that 2 become 1 and this coming together should be wholistic. You should be one Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually & Mentally. Marriage is a call to Service, a call to serve your partner in love. Marriage demands that you loose yourself and find it in your partner. Whatever you do, your actions must reflect respect and consideration for your partner. When I got married, it took me a while to Change my Language from I to We & to set my thoughts on Us. I would take decisions unilaterally thinking after all it's my life and I'm the one directly affected. Whether it was delibrate or not, it did not Change the fact that I was SELFISH. I had failed to make my husband a part of me and my life. Even after decades of marriage you would be suprised that there are couples still struggling with this. Of course marriage does not mean you should loose your identity. All it requires of you is to put self centeredness to rest. Half of the time when couples quarell, it's because both of them have failed to realize they are on the same side. Phil 2:4 tells us to not to look to our own interest but to the interest of others. Your priority in your marriage should not be "I " or "You ", it should be "We or Us". Yielding yourself to your spouse is no easy feat, but it's not impossible either. Each time your actions favour youself only ,you send out wrong signals to your spouse. It's a sign that you don't respect him & you don't have the intention of spending a lifetime with him. If you did, you will act in the best interest of the marriage. An adage in my place says that " the eye that will stay with you till old age, should not start releasing dirt in your youth " Its an attempt by the devil to get you thinking about yourself alone. It's always about what you want, what your needs are, what would make you happy and so one. Since the devil is not in favour of you becoming "one " with your spouse, he will fight it in anyway. The power of one is your greatest weapon against the devil. Because the Bible says " one shall chase a thousand & two shall put two thousand to flight " Deut 32:30 There's so much you stand to gain if you choose to yield to your spouse and become one. Lets see 3 of them., 1. PROGRESS: Amos 3:3 tells us two people cannot "walk " together without agreeing. This means you and your husband cannot proceed, go forward or progress without being in agreement. If you stick to "I " instead of "WE ", it will be like taking one step forward and two steps backward. 2.PEACE : Of  course if you are on the same page with your partner, there will be lesser misunderstandings and Peace will reign. 3. SOMEONE TO RELY ON.How many times have you gone ahead to do something all by yourself only to end up running to your spouse for help. Well I have - a couple of times.  If you don't carry your partner along in what you do, don't expected him to be there when the cookie comes crumbling. Your action tells a lot about who or what is important to you. If your marriage is important then your ability to yield & carry your partner along will be seen. Start today, start with the little things ..... by putting your marriage first. The next time you want to take a course of action,ask yourself - have I carried my spouse along? -is it in my interest ( I) or the best interest of my marriage (WE /US) Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012

AN INTERVENTION : MINDSET OF A LIFETIME

AN INTERVENTION: MINDSET OF A LIFE TIME Let’s go to the classroom for a brief moment and allow me to introduce you to the agenda setting (one of the theories of mass communication). I’m sure you’re wondering how this is related to a relationship or a successful home building. Relax …..Follow me & you’ll get the drift soon enough. The Agenda setting theory which suggests that with the passage of time, the Medias agenda becomes the public agenda. In simple terms, it says the media have a large influence on audiences in terms of what stories to consider newsworthy and how much prominence and space to give to them. As far as this theory is concerned, the media has the power to decide what’s important, what’s not, what’s in vogue, what’s outdated and so on. Back to reality now, television, radio, print and of the internet are the most wildly used mediums of reaching people. Over the last few decades, the world has gone from being conservative to being liberal and broad minded. Gone is the era when people treasured dignity, self respect, decency, moral and ethics. Today we live in a world where overt sexual gestures have become the order of the day, women are used as the bait to lure and get people buying, and almost everything being sold has an undertone of SEX to it. When I think about it and I would want you to do some thinking too, I ask myself- did the world suddenly become perverse or did the media play a huge role in it? My bet is that you already know the answer to that question. With the advent of Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood and all the other woods gone GAGA, people have thrown caution to the wind. The media tells society it what body shape and size is acceptable; thus until your collarbone begin to pop, you don’t get the worlds approval The media tells society it’s okay for children to disrespect their parents, seek to please themselves first without consideration for who gets hurt in the process The media tells society it’s okay to dress half nude and flaunt what your mama gave you. If you don’t dress that way you are considered as a stereotyped person who doesn’t welcome change. The media tells society it’s okay to engage in premarital sex as long as two people were in love with each other The media tells society it’s okay to use cohabitation as a litmus test to determine and evaluate the potential success of a relationship The media tells society that it’s okay to get married and get out of it the moment you’re no longer interested. (This is exactly where I’m going to) I’m a follower of a marriage ministry called HUSBAND & WIFE FOR LIFE and the one thing that strikes me about that ministry is their pay off line that says “take up the challenge”. In order words, take up the challenge of being husband and wife for life. In a society where 2 out of every 3 marriages end up in divorce; you will agree with me that it can be challenging when you decide to stay married for life. While listening to an audio message on FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, the speaker made a point that struck a chord in my heart. He said if a young man and woman enter into the institution of marriage with the mindset of going their separate ways if things don’t work out; chances are that marriage will end up in a divorce. If another couple enters this institution of marriage with the mindset that divorce is not an option for them; the marriage will most likely workout. This is the core of the problem in our society today. The mindset of the average single has become so screwed up; that they now reason upside down. Young people now priotize their happiness above anything and anybody without recourse to whom or what is affected along the way. I’m not saying you should not be happy; but we can’t have our way all the time and there is always a time to compromise. When the bible tells us not to be conformed to this word, but be transformed by the renewal of our minds, it’s recognizes that the battle we fight is won or lost in our minds. “Don’t be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasant to him (Romans 12:2) It implies that there are 2 standards for living in this world. The world’s standard (which is what most people subscribe to) and God’s standard. God’s standard tells us that; marriage is for lifetime covenant relationship, be satisfied with the wife of your youth, drink water from your own well, marriage is honorable the bed undefiled; While the world says; marriage is simple a contract that can be dissolved at any time, sex before marriage is one of the many ways to evaluate sexual compatibility and proof of love, If your partner doesn’t satisfy you, you can get your needs met from anywhere else (infidelity). These two standards have opposing views and unfortunately who ever has decided to choose the standard of the world has chosen to be on the devils’ side. Don’t think I sound extreme because really I don’t. I’m only stating the obvious which most people have decided to be blind to- the devil is regarded as the prince of this world; and he is simply using people as tools to carry out his agenda. This is not a sermon; this is a long overdue intervention. Don’t be fooled into thinking that the actions of the secular media are mere coincidence ……….. Do you know that the first man was never bothered or tempted until he got married? The devil is deliberate about his attack on marriages and families. Marriage is lifetime commitment and the battle is won or lost in your mind Regardless of the recipes prepared and dished out by Hollywood on a happy relationship and happily ever after, we still see homes falling apart and marriages breaking. You have tried the worlds formula long enough why not try God’s. Giving yourself up before marriage is not proof of love, neither is it a guarantee that that young man will stay committed to you. Since the plan he has for you and I is for good and not of evil to give us a future and an expected end, you must trust his standard is the only of that can give positive results. Debunk your mind of all you have read in the mills and booms, hints, hearts and what you have watched in the movies. They are figments of someone else’s imagination and ideals that are far from reality. If you step into the marriage with the lifetime mentality then your cup is indeed half full. If you enter into marriage with a lifetime mentality, when a challenge arises, you’re most likely to find the solution because there is no backing down. I know this because it happened to me. In the first 2 years of my marriage it seemed as if all the odds were against me and each time storm came, I was looking for the fastest way out. The moment I realized that the devil’s game plan was to put and end to all of God’s holy union, I saw that getting a divorce and marrying another was not going to solve the problem. The devil would attack that one too and for how long was I going to keep running? I then began to see marriage as having nowhere to run and with no other choice than to resolve each challenge as soon as it came up. Over the years it has gotten so so so so so so so much better and I look forward to what the future has to offer my marriage. Marriage is a journey of two imperfect people and commitment is the glue that keeps the partners together. You must resolve within you to see things through come what may. In an interview of an old couple who had been married for a little over 60 years, they were asked what they thought was responsible for the constant breakdown of marriages in recent times when compared to the past. The couple responded and said they came from a time where if things were broken, they fixed it; while today’s generation live in a time where they would rather replace something that’s broken than to fix it. So I wonder and I ask “what happens when the new one breaks again? How many times are you going to keep making a replacement? As for me and my husband, we have taken up the challenge of a life time; will you do the same? P.S: I’m not one of those fanatics who says you should no longer watch television because it is sinful, I’m only saying be informed so that you can hold on to that which is the truth. Eyitemi Adebowale is an author, public speaker and a relationship /marriage coach working with Single Women and Young Wives who are new to the home building process. She is the Founder of HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL whose vision is to build homes one wise woman at a time. She’s also a lifestyle writer for naija parrots. She is happily married to Adesoji Adebowale and they are blessed with a child. For more of our articles visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com and register your email address to receive our updates in your box For questions, enquiries, or comments, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com You can also follow on twitter @homebuilders012