EXPECTATIONS VERSUS REALITY

One of the first major reality shocks that hit marriages, especially newly wedded couples is "Disappointment".You see, so many people enter into marriage with high hopes, a lot of expectation from the their partners and the future @ large & disappointment is what they feel when these hopes and expectations are not met.

For clarity's sake, expectation is what you hope something would turn out to be, and you & I know exactly how it feels when we had earlier hoped for doesn't come true.Over the years while you're still becoming that young lady or young man before marriage, you encounter a lot of people, events and experiences that shape your ideals, values, ethics and paradigm towards life- marriage inclusive.

Asides the "very -brief" counseling couple go through before marriage, most couples are ill- equipped for this life time journey. They enter into marriage with the knowledge they have gathered over the years.
What has been modeled to them by their parents,
What they have been told by friends,
What they have watched in the movies
What they have read in romance novels or magazines,

The list is endless and the truth is that these mediums are equips them wrongly or inadequately.Using myself as an example, my first and major ideas of marriage or what marriage should be like was was I saw being modeled to by parents.

Whether they knew it or not and whether they were deliberate about what I saw, I don't know; but I saw went a long way into molding my thoughts, ideals, values, paradigm and most importantly expectation from my future husbandAllow me @ this point to say this to any new and young parent who might be reading this now. Watch what you model before your children. Don't argue or exhibit violence before them because what they see is what they absorb, and ultimately consider as what marriage should be.

 In other words, whether your children will have a successful marriage, is dependent on what they see in their parents marriage ( to a large extent)Back to the subject matter; we enter into marriage with already set and molded expectation which are often in conflict with what our spouses believe and come in with.

When two people are dating or courting as the case maybe, most times they get carried away with romance, outing, gifts, butterfly in the belly like feeling they get that they often fail to address issues that are important.These issues are so important that it has the power to make or mar their marriages in the future.Being a life time commitment, it's very important to consider all angles before saying I do.

As a matter of fact, with the level of information available @ our beck and call, I believe this generation has what it needs to have very successful marriages. It just a shame that we do not take advantage of it.Let me share this with you, when I got married newly my husband and I ran into a lot of rough spots, due to the constant argument we always have.

I strongly believed back then that my husband no longer loved me and he felt the same way too. I held on to this deadly mindset until I learnt about love languages.

I realized later that as individuals we all have different love languages and if we do not know the love language of our partner, we would be tempted to show love to him/ her in our own language.My primary love language is physical touch & words of affirmation. I wanted my partner to hold my hands, hug me loads and affirm me with his words.While my husband primary appreciated "Acts of service" we did not understand this and as such as I spoke my own language to him, while he spoke his to me.

Now imagine how differently things could have turned out if we knew this before getting married. It would have saved us a whole lot of headache, crying, argument and stress we encountered early on.How could I expect my husband to love me the way I wanted to be loved when he did not know, and I did not tell him.

Think about this for a moment: how much of what you expect from your spouse does he/ she know?Until we begin to realize that our spouses are not mind readers, we will continue to have unmet expectations.

While still courting, talk to each other about what your idea of marriage is. Share your experiences, agree on how you would like things should be done.Knowing or having a clear idea of how you want your husband to behave towards you is not enough, especially when you stuff these expectations in your head.Expectations that go unspoken,are likely to remain unmet.

Thus without clear and specific guidance from you, expecting your husband to read your mind & and guess @ your hopes and begin to fulfill your childhood dreams is foolishness.The one way you can help your husband meet your expectations is by telling him what you hope for.

Don't keep mute in a relationship (married or still courting). Too many singles dating spend more time having Sex, instead of talking about what really matters.Don't be caught with your pants down, find out what your partners view about marriage is before committing(if you're still dating) and if you're married, cultivate the act of telling your spouse lovingly what you want, need or expect from him or your marriage.

Eyitemi The HomeBuilder
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DEAR DIARY: (THE UNTANGLED KNOT)

Have you ever tried to undo a knot so tight that it drives you nuts? Well that was my experience today. I had tied my shoe lace so tightly and un-fastening it was becoming an ordeal of a life time.

The more I struggled with it, the more I found it difficult to undo this erroneous action of mine. After struggling for a while, I realized that the only way to put myself out of this misery was to cut through the tangled knot I had created.

It was a real "Aha aaa" moment for me as it suddenly dawned on me that my life could turn out as this "tangled knot" if proper precaution was not taken. As a single lady, there's a tendency to get involved in twisted relationships due to ignorance or lack of direction.

Relationships that You, I and the whole world know from inception isn't going to work. The further you go into that relationship, the more tangled you become, and the more difficult it is to untangle you

Relationships define us, they have the power to make or mar us and our dreams. Getting involved with the wrong persons can create so much damage which ripples down into every other domain of your life.

The story of a young lady comes to mind @ a time like this.

" Naomi was a full of life "A" student for whom the future held so much promise was. She was the ideal student, daughter and role model until she met Richard. The attraction was instant as the duo became an inseparable item. Everything seemed okay until Naomi began a downward spiral to her end. She began to skip classes, sell her personal items and that of others for money and ultimately became addicted to drugs and wild parties.

Every effort to get her life back on track proved abortive until the worst happened. Richard was killed during a drug raid and his death caused Naomi to sink into a depression that worsened her addiction.

The situation reached its height when Naomi was found lying down on the floor in her bathroom with a syringe in her hands. Naomi had overdone it and passed out.

She was rushed to the hospital, thankfully she survived , and is currently recuperating in a rehab centre.

It's been 2yrs since she began her journey to recovery and although she has since made a lot of progress, she is not where she ought to be. The story of Naomi can be likened to that of the shoe-lace I had to cut after failing to unfasten it. She was forcefully dis-entangled from that relationship but she was never the same.

Don't ever assume you alone can make things right in a relationship, especially when you're single & dating or courting as the case maybe. Why commence a relationship with a guy who takes weed, Indian hemp or even cocaine? He drag you into a world so deep, that you'll be buried alive with no hope of making it back to the surface again

Or hook up with a drunk, a violent person( who beats the living daylight out of you( even when you're not married- you'd most likely be dead before you say "I DO")

Open your pretty brown eyes, I beg of you and take a walk while you still can, before you become so tangled that it would only take an intervention to set you free.

The only way I ended up removing that shoe lace was by cutting it with a pair of scissors and as I looked @ the now cut shoelace, it was a real-time example of what happens afterwards.

For those who are lucky enough to come out of this tangling situation alive, they never return the same way. They often return broken and damaged but never the same as they were before they went it.

Some relationships are like that ; TANGLED KNOTS" and should not be embarked upon from the word go. Some mistakes are irreversible, leaving their scars long after the pain had healed.

Don't mess up your beautiful life by further complicating it with involvement in the wrong relationship.
Our lives are shaped and can be measured by the people in it.

If you get so tangled up and an attempt to breakfree becomes an uphill task, then know that you'll require nothing short an intervention to be free!!!

 

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PRAYER CHANGES

PRAYER CHANGES

"I have done everything humanly possible to make us work, but it seems as though I have reached a dead end" Jumai said as she sobbed profusely on her friends shoulders.

This is often the reaction you get from women who are facing a difficult phase in their marriages.
True to words, they most likely have done all they know to do best without any positive outcome.(This can be really frustrating)

After a few discussions with some of these women I made a shocking discovery; not many women pray about their situation. When I say pray, I don't mean the art of mumbo jumbo prayer we say very quickly, I mean a conscious, heartfelt and well targeted prayer.

After you have done all you know how to do, why don't you let God do ALL He knows how to do too

NEVER,EVER give up on your marriage until you have given God a chance.
I know from experience that sometimes when it hurts really bad, you feel betrayed or wounded, its difficult to say a word of prayer. But we must remember that marriage was divinely instituted and only a divine intervention can save your marriage.

With Faith in your heart that He is who he says He is, take those challenges to God in prayer believe that a turn around is on the way.

Even though it might not look as though a change is about to occur, keep talking to God until you see positive changes.

The irony about this kind of prayer is that God begins to work on you from the inside out.
He opens up your heart to what needs changes within yourself.
There's no perfect person and we all contribute in one way or the other to every marital crises ; so don't absolve yourself of any blame yet.

Praying for your spouse teaches you what it really means to be selfless.

Praying for your spouse helps you be the better wife your husband needs

Pray about everything @ anytime about your marriage or your husband.

Never underestimate what God can do for you and your marriage


I once heard a wife woman talk about how she handles unpleasant situations in her marriage.
She said every time they had issues beyond what she could handle, she would take the case to God rather than tell people about it.God was the only one who could the status quo of things

God is real ladies, and he is interested in a working marriage, ( that includes yours)
Don't spend time sharing your problem with friends who are more curious than they are interested in helping.Seek help if need be, but never forget that the only one who can intercede and plead your case better than you is actually YOU!!!

Eyitemi The HomeBuilderBBM:263F7ED6
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POSITIVITY AND POSSIBILTY FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

POSITIVITY AND POSSIBILTY FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

One of the books I read as a teenager many years on Positive Thinking left me geared up.

I felt invincible and as though there was absolutely nothing impossible for me to do.

Why? Simply because I have encountered a paradigm shift and was seeing thing from a positive and possibility point of view.

How nice would that be, if we could take this attitude of possibility and positivity to our homes and marriages, especially before you say "I DO"

On a TV programme I watched recently, a young bride was about to get married,and this was what her mother had to say while counselling her;

" Remember if anything goes wrong, if he disrepests you and you feel you can't cope anylonger, you can always come back home. There will always be a place for you here back @ home"As comforting as this counsel might sound, it absolutely wrong and equally disturbing.

If everyone entered marriage with this mindset, then most families would have disintegrated.Marriage is the 1st and oldest institution God created.

The success of Societies, Countries and the World @ large depends on the success of these institution; as such Marriage Must work.

Marriages like every other relationship has its up an down, but an Possibility and Positivity mindset regardless of the obvious makes all the difference.
Being Positive, opens up your mind to different possibilities ;whether you're married or about to be

--->Have it @ the back of mind that this marriage must survive come what may.

--->Have it @ the back of your mind that every challenge is temporary, its a phase and it will pass

--->Have it @ the back of your mind that there's always a way out of every challenges you're going through.

According to the words of Demi Lovato,"

No matter what you're going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you'll find the positive side of things."

Staying positive in challenging times is not easy but there are 2 ways to do this;

--->Firstly, when the avalanche of challenges come rolling down, STRIVE to look for the positive in that/those situation. Its often said, I believe it that the every problem, has its own seed of solution in it.
I capitalized the word "STRIVE" because these solutions are not seen unless you search for it. There is always some good in every challenge. Your positivity will be re-enforced when you identify the good in the seemingly bad

---->Secondly, keeping your eyes on the light @ the end of the tunnels, can also keep your positivity alive.

Do you remember the attitude our Lord Jesus Christ put up while he was being crucified?How he forgave his persecutors, how he manged to stay calm all throught the beating, flogging and torture?

He knew a greater glory laid ahead of him.

He was going to win a crown for his sacrifice, he would earn a place @ the right hand side of God the Father,

 His Name would be elevated above every other name in the world.

The Bible says he endured the cross and despised the shame because of the glory that was ahead.(Heb 12:2)

To stay positive, identify the good in the situation, and keep your eyes on the prize.


Every marriage can survive, if given a fair  fighting chance.Don't give up on that marriage, explore all options.

Permit to say @ this point that in the case of Physical abuse, seek help. Your marriage can only have a chance while you're still alive......

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THE FULFILLED WIFE

1."Being a wife, does not mean you should forget your dreams, capabilities and be a door mat"#homebuildingtips

2."It means know yourself and identify how your abilities can help you and your husband"#homebuildingtips

3."A woman was made , created and designed to be a help meet. She was made for the man and not the other way round"

4."To fulfil your dreams, you must marry the right man. The right man is he whom you were created to help"#homebuildingtips

5." God will NEVER give you a dream, that will cost you your marriage"#homebuildingtips

6."Your can fulfil destiny and still be a successful wife with the right person"#homebuildingtips

7."Marriage to the wrong person can crush your spirit, crush your dreams and ultimately crush YOU!"#homebuildingtips

8."Before you say I DO make sure you're the right helpmeet"#homebuildingtips

9."You know you're the right helpmeet when you have what he needs to be all that God has made him to be."#homebuildingtips

10."God is not the author of confusion. You can be happily married and still fulfil purpose. If in doubt, ask the Proverbs 31 woman"#homebuildingtips

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 Eyitemi Adebowale

TRUST & YOUR MARRIAGE

TRUST & YOUR MARRIAGE"
 Be careful not to loose your partners trust or confidence. Trust is the framework of every relationship
----> Trust once lost creates a set back in relationships

---->Trust once lost takes time to build

---->Trust once lost creates distance between couples and constricts intimacy

---->Trust once lost creates room for doubt,  and suspicion

----->Trust once broken always leaves a scar

Trust is essential in every relationship whether business relationship, parent-child relationship, and especially in marriage.

Love cannot never be complete without Trust.
 One of the things that made the Proverbs 31 woman unique was the fact that her husband could rely on her absolutely. (Proverbs 31:11)

 He could trust her with their finances, he could trust her to always have his back come what may,

he could trust her to give priority to him and their children.
He could go ahead and be all that God waned him to be because he had a wife he could rely on.
This morning, I'd like you to reflect, are you a wife your husband can rely on? Or does he have to watch his back constantly in anticipation of what might go wrong?
Can he trust you with money and other resources?
You can't get the best out of your marriage if Trust is broken.
Don't give your spouse the opportunity to doubt you. Watch your actions, watch your words and in everything you do always ask yourself "Can this action can break your husbands trust in you"
A trustworthy wife is indeed a real GEM!
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 Eyitemi Adebowale
The HomeBuilder

BEING MISS RIGHT 3 ( THE PRIESTLY MAN)

THE PRIESTLY MAN

The priest is the 2nd type of man created in God's likeness. And unlike the PROPHET, any lady who would marry the PRIEST must be willing to serve actively.

----->A priestly man primarily desires to please and he needs a patient and faithful wife on his side.

----->Priests are steady, simple and easy going men who are not given to extremes

----->Unlike the PROPHETS, PRIESTS don't make impulsive decisions. They are faithful in nature and often described as men who stick to the wife of their youths

----->PRIESTS are people oriented in nature,highly likeable,and highly hospitable.

Since the strenght of the PRIEST comes form people person, his wife to be or helpmeet must;

---->be hospitable, be willing to have and serve people and be a great cook.

So many times I have seen women react negatively to people living with or hanging around their homes.
Some women become touchy and crancky when their inlaws or friends come visiting.
They simply can't stand the idea of having so many people around for whatever reason.

If you like that, or you are the "Me, my husband and Children" kind of woman, then please don't marry a Priest, because not only will you be miserable of all women, you will damage that man and keep him from being all that God wants him to be.

----->A PRIEST is a social bee often surrounded by people and living his life in the spotlight.

To be the right woman for him, you must be very accommodating of him and the people in his life.Its very important to know in what image God has created men to be that way you can tell if you're right for him.

-----> A PROPHET wants a woman who is doing what he is doing, and a PRIEST wants a woman who will walk beside him.

----->PRIESTLY men love their women to use their natural skills and talents so they can celebrate their accomplishments.

----->A PRIESTLY man values a resourceful,hardworking woman who shows dignity and honour. He wants his wife to be self sufficient.

PRIESTLY men are easy going men and will suffocate if their wives are given to tantrums and temperamental drama.If you marry a priest, you must be willing to share him, especially since he is called to a life of service.

----> don't hound him for having too many people around him, if you want to enjoy precious time with your PRIESTLY husband, you will need to take vacations and retreat from his everyday environment.

While a PROPHET needs a woman who is stable to help bring about the much needed balance to his life, PRIESTLY MEN need their wives to be active as he is in serving people

Eyitemi The Home Builder

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