WHEN THE WEEDS ARE SOWN (Wake Up)

Do you remember that gooffey feeling you had when you first fell in love? The way you felt when his call came in, the way you felt when he called your name, held your hands, smiled at you? How you could not wait for his call to come in, how many times you called him in a day ; how important he was to you, & the little things that made each day wonderful. At least that was the way most people felt when they fell in love. It was a period of activity & you were doing every thing possible to keep the fire burning. Have you ever wondered where all of those feelings went to after a few years of marriage? Well I have at some point in mine. Although I've read the parable of the "Weeds among Wheat" (Matthew  13: 24-30)  but the Holy Spirit gave fresh insight. For starters, a lot of marriages are like Wheat with Weeds growing in them.  These Weeds or the little foxes like we might call them are those things that compete with or deplete the nutrient value meant for the Wheat itself. The Weeds in a marriage could be lack of mutual respect, infidelity, consistent arguement & fighting, lack of communication & so on. Bottom line, Weeds are those things with the capacity to end a marriage if not nipped in the bud early enough. Truth is that too many women worry about the presence of the Weeds ignoring how the Weeds got there in the first place .... Until you know & stop how the Weeds grow in, things would only grow from bad to worse. Matthew 13:25 says " But while everyone was asleep, an enemy came & scattered weed seeds in the field "(CEV). It's very obvious here that the Weeds did not just jump on the Farm, it was sown while everyone slept. To sleep is to let your guards down, to be unaware of your environment, to ignore, to lay back, possesing a non - chalant attitude. Thīs unfortunately is the situation in many marriages today. Too many women are asleep ; they have let their guards down & allowed the enemy sow Weeds in their Wheat. If you're finding it difficult to grasp the meaning of what I'm writing about, let me make it as relatable as possible. √ the field in this context represents your marriage √ the farmers are you & your spouse √ the Wheat / good seeds refers to every possible fruit your marriage bears ranging from trust, love, honour, faithfulness, communication, to mutual respect & so on. Those are the things you ought to nuture & groom in your marriage. They are the fruits the enemy seeks to destroy & they can only get the chance the moment you fall asleep. I started this article by talking about those things we used to do before we said "I do". Those were the actions that got & secured our partners attention ; those were the things that nutured our relationships ; those were the indications that we were awake. Every time you stop doing the things that makes your spouse feel important, you start sleeping. Marriage is not a licence to ignore your partner, neither is it a time to take each other for granted,  its a call to nuture so the relationship can be preserved & have a future. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking once you're married,  it's okay to let go "afterall your partner is not going anywhere ". It doesn't have to be infidelity, the bad seeds are sown when you stop talking, loving & caring; they become Weeds of resentment here, anger, unforgiveness and so on. As a farmer, you must keep a close eye on what's yours and take great care of it because Weeds only grow in places that have been ignored or abandoned for a long period of time. Open your eyes; love your husband & make sure he knows you love him (show him) # Call him sweet names # Engage the flattery of speech, make him feel important (because he is) # Massage his ego ladies, *wink # Call him during the day @ work,  let him know he's on your mind # Prepare his favorite meal # Make him feel like the KING he is..... The list is endless..... There are  two (2) sides to this write -up, the first of which I've already analyzed; the part where you don't sleep so the Weeds don't grow. For some of you that have farms (marriages) full of Weeds already ; don't panic because that's the second part I'll be talking about next week. Be rest assured that in Matthew 13:24-30, even after the farmer realized Weeds had been planted, it was not the end of his Farm ...... That situation is not hopeless, there's a way out .... In the meantime, stay awake!!! To receive updates from our blog, visit the blog & subscribe to follow. Follow on twitter @homebuilders012 Or send your questions, enquiry & comments to homebuilderssn@gmail.com Remember to get your copy of my e-book "A WISE WOMAN BUILDS " (N1,000) ®HOME BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL (Prepare, Preserve & Build)

PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE 3

SPIRITUAL PREPARATION : Marriage is primarily & institution created by God & as such it would be foolish to enter into it without him in the equation. Before you get all excited may I say that spiritual preparation is not about binding demons, thinking about your enemies and going on a 40 day fast.? While these are spiritual activities which I have nothing against, I think it's high time we viewed things from a different point of view. Many of us are so focused on others that we lost sight of who the real enemy is - YOURSELF. We are our greatest enemy, our greatest obstacle & most of our problems are hand made -a result of our ignorance. Marriage as we all know is a journey & if I may add, a journey where self is discovered. Those who enjoy marriage the most are those who understand the requirements well ahead of time & have positioned themselves for what the future brings. Spiritual preparation here can vary from your ability to pray  , wait on God, hear his voice & every other thing that connects you to source - God. God has given us everything we need to live a life that pleases him, (2 Peter 1:3-5) including our marriage but that would be impossible without his Spirit. The most prized possession a woman can accquire is the cultivation of "the fruit if the Spirit " Your marriage can never be better than you are & if you're to make the best of it, it must start with you. If you allow the Spirit of God to mould you while you're yet single, you'll be amazed at the finished product he will deliver in your marriage. "God's Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle & self controlled." Gal 5:22-23(CEV) LOVE: The first fruit if the Spirit,  refers to God's kind of love. It teaches us to love as Christ loved us. He loved us when we were yet in sin, & he loved us unconditionally. To love your partner is not only when you feel good,  God's love calls you to love even when you don't feel like it or your partner has wronged you. Maintaining this kind of love is no easy task, but if you can your relationship will be better for it..... HAPPINESS / JOY : This fruit of the Spirit is an antedote for dealing with though situations. When challenges occur in your marriage, the natural thing to do is to become sad, & gloomy ; an atomosphere that fosters the more attack from the enemy.  The Bible says "In the presence of God,  there is fullness of JOY." (Psalm 16:3) God will not dwell in an oppressive or moody environment & trust me you don't want to miss what the presence of God can do for you. Psalm 114 tells of what happens in God's presence : the sea flees (the sea represents that situation that seeks to drown you) the mountains skip like rams (the mountains represents those situation that seem like stumbling Blocks) the presence of God turns Solid rock into flowy waters (God does the impossible to a possibility) . Thirdly Isaiah 12:3 says that "it with Joy that we draw water from the well of victory " thus without Joy /happiness there's no victory. Marriage has its trials & if the devil can't break your Spirit with the challenges he throws your way, he can't break your marriage either. PEACEFUL & GENTLE : Being peaceful does not mean you're foolish, but its only in your peaceful state you can hear the voice of God; a requirment for divine direction. (1Kings 19:11-13) Being peaceful also means you don't go about provoking your partner. PATIENCE :Patience is a virtue & an essential in marriage. Ask any married woman & she'll tell you that the best in marriage comes over a period of time & you must be patient enough to wait for it. KINDNESS & GOODNESS : Showing kindness & begin good to your spouse is not an action for only when it has been earned. You must learn to act outside your emotions & conform to God's standard. FAITHFULNESS: faithfulness must be in our thoughts and action. SELF CONTROL : self control is the ability to restrain or keep yourself from acting without reasoning ; an action that has ended most marriages. Self control is keeping quiet when you want to respond ; it is the act of not returning insult when insulted; self control is the process of refining your emotions through the fire of God's word. These are the gifts you should ask from the Holy Spirit to make a better you. It's an everyday choice you can make until it becomes a lifestyle ... God's lifestyle ..... Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 or @temmynikan Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network If you would like to ask a question,  need guidance or would like to share an experience,  email me @ homebuilderssn@gmail.com ® Home Builders International (Preserve, Prepare & Build) To get a copy of my e-book, "A WISE WOMAN BUILDS " send me a mail & I'll give you details on how to receive it.

PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE 2

ARE YOU PREPARED ........Continued 2) PHYSICAL PREPARATION : When I talk about physical preparation for marriage, I'm certainly not referring to a wedding gown , guest list, food & wine tasters and all sort. That's more like a preparation for a wedding ; it's a wedding planners job & in case you're wondering, there's a difference between the two (wedding & marriage) A wedding refers to the ceremony itself ; the activity where the joining of the man& woman is witnessed. A marriage on the other hand looks at the process ; what the man & woman make out of the union over a period of time. Marriage is a the journey & a wedding only marks the beginning. Your level of emotional maturity ultimatly reflects in your physical readiness. Physical readiness here does not include your height, weight, burst size & all the parameters if adolesence. Not that they are not important, they vary from one individual to the other with regards to preferences. physical preparation or readiness for the purpose of this article looks at issues such as how domesticated you are, carriage, outlook / appearances, cooking & so on... These are a number of the physical activities that married women engage in; the question you should be asking yourself now is " if I say I'm ready for marriage, can I successfully carry out those tasks? " Cooking for example, it would be absolutely ridiculous for a lady who claims she is ready for marriage to be unable to boil noodles successfully. What about cleaning, washing scrubbing & all the other activities,? "its easy to say in the age that you could easily get helps but know that they can only do so much. What happens if the maid suddenly stops the job do you begin to panick? You have nothing to loose if you decide to know the how behind these activities . There are demands that marriage will place on you physically & if you're not ready, you might crash under the weight. Sighting my example of the "fattening room " of the Efik people, (Visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com if you missed the first part of this article) the wives to be are taught on how to meet the physical demands of marriage ; from cooking , to sex .... like a friend of mine put on a blog (Reginald Bassey), the "fattening room " should be called a house of refinement. The key word here is "delibrate preparation " Watch what your mother is doing ; don't sit and Watch TV while your mum or the help makes dinner; so you don't end up putting sugar inside stew. Do the laundry from time to time, so you dont end up washing your husbands stockings with his white shirt,...these are the little things that puts you in charge of your home, commands the respect of your husband & children & puts you in a position to teach your own children. Nobody will wake up one morning & show you everything neither does every culture have the "fattening room ". You are solely responsible for the way you turn out..... Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 or @temmynikan Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network If you would like to ask a question, need guidance or would like to share an experience, email me @ homebuilderssn@gmail.com ® Home Builders International (Preserve, Prepare & Build)

HOME BUILDING BLOCKS

Every time you sweep an issue under the rug, (find a temporary solution, or ignore the problem) it's like getting rid of a tree from the trunk. It might look like it's gone, but its only a matter before it grows back. To put a permanent end to a recurring issue in your marriage, "Find it (identify the source), Fix it (take it out by the roots) " that way you're sure it wont crop up again. ® Home Builders International (Preparing, Preserving & Building homes) For more tips follow me on twitter @homebuilders

012

Do you remember?

http://elevateyourmarriage.com/weekly-devotions-real-good-hands It's a good time to remember the promises we made when we said "I do "

PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE

PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE Before a major event happens, there's a crucial, unaviodable stage that must be passed through - it's called preparation. A familiar saying goes "Faliure to prepare is in itself a preparation to fail ". Whether you're planning a party or getting ready to write an exam; without good preparation in place, the outcome of these events are likely to be very dissapointing. Marriage is one of the biggest, most important, & life changing event that can happen in the life of a young lady ; the question is how prepared are you for it? A lot of people take the preparation for this life long journey lightly despite the fact that the largest part of out lives in this institution. Like every other event or activity we undertake in life, success in marriage hinges on your level of preparation. I'm not referring to the 3 months / 6 months rush job counselling that couples go through before saying "I do ". I'm talking about a life time of Spiritual, Physical & Emotional preparations. A disscussion at work oneday promted me to research into the " fattening room " culture of the Efik people in Calabar & I was intruiged by what I came across. I discovered that it was the tradition of the Efik people to send their women to the fattening room in preparation for marriage. A friend had mentioned in passing that Calabar women were very good when it comes to taking care of their husbands & that the average woman (not Calabar) dreads her husband coming in contact with a Calabar woman. Its is feared that the Calabar woman could most easily take her husband from her. Is it not amazing how often we talk about the ability of a Calabar woman snatching husbands ; yet no one jokes about the ability of other women snatching a Calabar woman's husband. Funny right? Because somewhere in the corridors of our head we believe they have the gift of keeping their husbands. I realized that the " fattening room " tradition of these wonderful people was what kept them in charge. They had found a way to prepare their young women for marriage. In the " fattening room ", the woman is thought how to make herself more appealing to her husband, to please him, cook, keep the house, take care of children, to respect & make her husband /family happy. The Older women gave advice & shared their experiences in marriage to ensure a successful one for the younger women. Although this preparation might not be wholistic, it's great to know that some people actually & literally prepare for marriage. They don't just send them in clueless & empty handed like most people come on board. So you might be thinking, how then do I prepare for marriage? Frankly there's no hard & fast rule on how to prepare, but some basics must be in place. Firstly you must recognize that marriage is for matured & responsible adults; not selfish children. That brings me to my first stage of preparation ; EMOTIONAL PREPARATION /MATURITY : there is hardly any action without a corresponding emotional motive behind it. * when you laugh (action) it's because you're happy (emotion) *when you scream/shout (action) it's because you're angry/scared (emotions) . Emotions are what motivate our actions (good or bad) & without proper management, things will go wrong. One of the many causes of marital failure is the inability of couples to manage their emotions. Before you get married, you must learn to become emotionally responsible. Let me share a little from my marital experience with you. As a newly wed, I was young, naive, & ignorant of so many things ; especially of the demands marriage would place on my emotions. At the slightest provocation I would cry & lash out angrily at my husband ; only to have him tell me to grow up. I had thought the only way I could express what I felt was to cry & get angry; actions that did not yield any results. My emotions were all over the place ; one minute I'm smilling, the next moment I'm all dull, moody or just plain upset. This emotional roller coaster strained the relationship between my husband & I until I learnt how to manage it and channel through constructive communication with my partner. So the next time you want to do something based on the way you feel, take a moment to think about the potential outcome. I've learnt from experience that taking a momentary pause could be the thin line between war& Peace. 5 SIGNS YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY MATURE/ READY FOR MARRIAGE 1. You readily accept responsibility for your actions 2. You can manage /control your emotions / outburst when upset 3. You can argue / resolve conflict without raising your voice. 4. You would rather talk about it than bottling it up inside 5. You can accept & embrace other people's point of view. The principal player in emotional preparation is" You." Some call it emotional preparation others emotional maturity but I think I'll stick with what my husband calls it "GROWING UP " Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 or @temmynikan Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network If you would like to ask a question, need guidance or would like to share an experience, email me @ homebuilderssn@gmail.com ® Home Builders International (Preserve, Prepare & Build)

HOME BUILDING BLOCK FOR THE DAY

HOME BUILDING BLOCKS The success of marriage comes not in finding the 'right' person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they ineveitably realize they married." ~John Fischer Follow me @temmynikan or @homebuilders012 Visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com to see previous broadcast.