PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE

PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE Before a major event happens, there's a crucial, unaviodable stage that must be passed through - it's called preparation. A familiar saying goes "Faliure to prepare is in itself a preparation to fail ". Whether you're planning a party or getting ready to write an exam; without good preparation in place, the outcome of these events are likely to be very dissapointing. Marriage is one of the biggest, most important, & life changing event that can happen in the life of a young lady ; the question is how prepared are you for it? A lot of people take the preparation for this life long journey lightly despite the fact that the largest part of out lives in this institution. Like every other event or activity we undertake in life, success in marriage hinges on your level of preparation. I'm not referring to the 3 months / 6 months rush job counselling that couples go through before saying "I do ". I'm talking about a life time of Spiritual, Physical & Emotional preparations. A disscussion at work oneday promted me to research into the " fattening room " culture of the Efik people in Calabar & I was intruiged by what I came across. I discovered that it was the tradition of the Efik people to send their women to the fattening room in preparation for marriage. A friend had mentioned in passing that Calabar women were very good when it comes to taking care of their husbands & that the average woman (not Calabar) dreads her husband coming in contact with a Calabar woman. Its is feared that the Calabar woman could most easily take her husband from her. Is it not amazing how often we talk about the ability of a Calabar woman snatching husbands ; yet no one jokes about the ability of other women snatching a Calabar woman's husband. Funny right? Because somewhere in the corridors of our head we believe they have the gift of keeping their husbands. I realized that the " fattening room " tradition of these wonderful people was what kept them in charge. They had found a way to prepare their young women for marriage. In the " fattening room ", the woman is thought how to make herself more appealing to her husband, to please him, cook, keep the house, take care of children, to respect & make her husband /family happy. The Older women gave advice & shared their experiences in marriage to ensure a successful one for the younger women. Although this preparation might not be wholistic, it's great to know that some people actually & literally prepare for marriage. They don't just send them in clueless & empty handed like most people come on board. So you might be thinking, how then do I prepare for marriage? Frankly there's no hard & fast rule on how to prepare, but some basics must be in place. Firstly you must recognize that marriage is for matured & responsible adults; not selfish children. That brings me to my first stage of preparation ; EMOTIONAL PREPARATION /MATURITY : there is hardly any action without a corresponding emotional motive behind it. * when you laugh (action) it's because you're happy (emotion) *when you scream/shout (action) it's because you're angry/scared (emotions) . Emotions are what motivate our actions (good or bad) & without proper management, things will go wrong. One of the many causes of marital failure is the inability of couples to manage their emotions. Before you get married, you must learn to become emotionally responsible. Let me share a little from my marital experience with you. As a newly wed, I was young, naive, & ignorant of so many things ; especially of the demands marriage would place on my emotions. At the slightest provocation I would cry & lash out angrily at my husband ; only to have him tell me to grow up. I had thought the only way I could express what I felt was to cry & get angry; actions that did not yield any results. My emotions were all over the place ; one minute I'm smilling, the next moment I'm all dull, moody or just plain upset. This emotional roller coaster strained the relationship between my husband & I until I learnt how to manage it and channel through constructive communication with my partner. So the next time you want to do something based on the way you feel, take a moment to think about the potential outcome. I've learnt from experience that taking a momentary pause could be the thin line between war& Peace. 5 SIGNS YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY MATURE/ READY FOR MARRIAGE 1. You readily accept responsibility for your actions 2. You can manage /control your emotions / outburst when upset 3. You can argue / resolve conflict without raising your voice. 4. You would rather talk about it than bottling it up inside 5. You can accept & embrace other people's point of view. The principal player in emotional preparation is" You." Some call it emotional preparation others emotional maturity but I think I'll stick with what my husband calls it "GROWING UP " Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 or @temmynikan Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network If you would like to ask a question, need guidance or would like to share an experience, email me @ homebuilderssn@gmail.com ® Home Builders International (Preserve, Prepare & Build)