HOME BUILDING BLOCKS

Every time you sweep an issue under the rug, (find a temporary solution, or ignore the problem) it's like getting rid of a tree from the trunk. It might look like it's gone, but its only a matter before it grows back. To put a permanent end to a recurring issue in your marriage, "Find it (identify the source), Fix it (take it out by the roots) " that way you're sure it wont crop up again. ® Home Builders International (Preparing, Preserving & Building homes) For more tips follow me on twitter @homebuilders

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Do you remember?

http://elevateyourmarriage.com/weekly-devotions-real-good-hands It's a good time to remember the promises we made when we said "I do "

PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE

PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE Before a major event happens, there's a crucial, unaviodable stage that must be passed through - it's called preparation. A familiar saying goes "Faliure to prepare is in itself a preparation to fail ". Whether you're planning a party or getting ready to write an exam; without good preparation in place, the outcome of these events are likely to be very dissapointing. Marriage is one of the biggest, most important, & life changing event that can happen in the life of a young lady ; the question is how prepared are you for it? A lot of people take the preparation for this life long journey lightly despite the fact that the largest part of out lives in this institution. Like every other event or activity we undertake in life, success in marriage hinges on your level of preparation. I'm not referring to the 3 months / 6 months rush job counselling that couples go through before saying "I do ". I'm talking about a life time of Spiritual, Physical & Emotional preparations. A disscussion at work oneday promted me to research into the " fattening room " culture of the Efik people in Calabar & I was intruiged by what I came across. I discovered that it was the tradition of the Efik people to send their women to the fattening room in preparation for marriage. A friend had mentioned in passing that Calabar women were very good when it comes to taking care of their husbands & that the average woman (not Calabar) dreads her husband coming in contact with a Calabar woman. Its is feared that the Calabar woman could most easily take her husband from her. Is it not amazing how often we talk about the ability of a Calabar woman snatching husbands ; yet no one jokes about the ability of other women snatching a Calabar woman's husband. Funny right? Because somewhere in the corridors of our head we believe they have the gift of keeping their husbands. I realized that the " fattening room " tradition of these wonderful people was what kept them in charge. They had found a way to prepare their young women for marriage. In the " fattening room ", the woman is thought how to make herself more appealing to her husband, to please him, cook, keep the house, take care of children, to respect & make her husband /family happy. The Older women gave advice & shared their experiences in marriage to ensure a successful one for the younger women. Although this preparation might not be wholistic, it's great to know that some people actually & literally prepare for marriage. They don't just send them in clueless & empty handed like most people come on board. So you might be thinking, how then do I prepare for marriage? Frankly there's no hard & fast rule on how to prepare, but some basics must be in place. Firstly you must recognize that marriage is for matured & responsible adults; not selfish children. That brings me to my first stage of preparation ; EMOTIONAL PREPARATION /MATURITY : there is hardly any action without a corresponding emotional motive behind it. * when you laugh (action) it's because you're happy (emotion) *when you scream/shout (action) it's because you're angry/scared (emotions) . Emotions are what motivate our actions (good or bad) & without proper management, things will go wrong. One of the many causes of marital failure is the inability of couples to manage their emotions. Before you get married, you must learn to become emotionally responsible. Let me share a little from my marital experience with you. As a newly wed, I was young, naive, & ignorant of so many things ; especially of the demands marriage would place on my emotions. At the slightest provocation I would cry & lash out angrily at my husband ; only to have him tell me to grow up. I had thought the only way I could express what I felt was to cry & get angry; actions that did not yield any results. My emotions were all over the place ; one minute I'm smilling, the next moment I'm all dull, moody or just plain upset. This emotional roller coaster strained the relationship between my husband & I until I learnt how to manage it and channel through constructive communication with my partner. So the next time you want to do something based on the way you feel, take a moment to think about the potential outcome. I've learnt from experience that taking a momentary pause could be the thin line between war& Peace. 5 SIGNS YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY MATURE/ READY FOR MARRIAGE 1. You readily accept responsibility for your actions 2. You can manage /control your emotions / outburst when upset 3. You can argue / resolve conflict without raising your voice. 4. You would rather talk about it than bottling it up inside 5. You can accept & embrace other people's point of view. The principal player in emotional preparation is" You." Some call it emotional preparation others emotional maturity but I think I'll stick with what my husband calls it "GROWING UP " Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 or @temmynikan Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network If you would like to ask a question, need guidance or would like to share an experience, email me @ homebuilderssn@gmail.com ® Home Builders International (Preserve, Prepare & Build)

HOME BUILDING BLOCK FOR THE DAY

HOME BUILDING BLOCKS The success of marriage comes not in finding the 'right' person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they ineveitably realize they married." ~John Fischer Follow me @temmynikan or @homebuilders012 Visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com to see previous broadcast.

FREEBIES : WHAT SIDE OF PRICELESS ARE YOU ON? Thrashy OR Classy

Whenever I heard the word “FREEBIE”, the first thing that comes to mind like the name implies is the words- free, at no cost or without charges. Although the word “FREEBIE” is not new to me, it did not come to mind for a long time until recently. I had attended a function with my husband at the end of which guest were thrilled to good music by the DJ (Disc Jockey). While I waited for my husband so we leave, I took time to survey my environment and my eyes were again opened to a monster that had begun to consume our society. While the music played, a look around uncovered the manner in which beautiful young ladies sold of their dignity and self worth on a platter of “SLATE”. It is not the dancing that got me worried, but the ‘HOW’. I saw young ladies shaking all their shakeables, dancing se seductively and the men could not resist the touch of what was being offered to them. I know that this issue of seductive dancing is a subject whose teeth have sank deep into the fabric of the society and children have not been left out of the equation; but that’s a topic for another day and there’s a difference between knowing what is right and being ignorant of it. After a lot of thinking, I realized that even though the way of life has become a norm especially when it comes to dancing with the opposite sex, it’s no wonder to me any longer why we practice the same thing hoping to get a different result each time we try. Young ladies expect to be treated like class even when they act like thrash. When I see ladies dance that way, it only says something; they want to loved and accepted and as such they use the number 1 bait any man can hardly resist (their body) to draw them in. it’s true that the bait does its job, the men are drawn in and probably after a few days, weeks, months and even years of fooling around….. It comes to an abrupt and painful end with the men realizing that they want more….. More than the body, more than sex, more than seduction….. They want a companionship….a genuine ingredient for every relationship. Back to my experience at the function; as I waited for my husband’s return I noticed a young lady arrived. She greeted her date/ boyfriend warmly and they got talking. A little after that, the young man bought her a few drinks and that was the strike that broke down the walls of the dam. This lady began to do all sorts of things and dance in a way that implied she was showing gratitude for the drinks he had bought her. All the guy had to do was to buy a couple of drinks and she became the freebie that came with it. The case study of this young lady should be viewed in isolation but should reveal a reflection of one the many ways we (women) sell ourselves short. It’s a reflection of how much value we place on ourselves and a wake up reality call of what has become the price tag of today’s woman. If you’re reading this article right now and you are single lady, I would like you think deeply & assess yourself to see if you have ever positioned yourself as a freebie or you are currently positioning yourself as such and at what price. We have forgotten that nothing good is without value; and people are willing to pay so much for something that they perceive as being of high quality. With reference to the relationships with the opposite sex, I’m not talking about value in monetary terms. This type of value, is not quantifiable, it is intangible and cannot be readily measured. It is wrong, out of order and a sheer abuse of self worth for a lady to attached her value to her material and emotional wants and needs. I deliberately chose the word material and emotional needs because that is what most men capitalize on. The average woman trades herself worth for her basic need or greed and as such a man assumes that with the touch of the right button (meeting of a need) he can have her eating out of his fingers. If you don’t get anything out of this article, note this; anything of value worth having is worth striving for. Everyman with testosterone desires a good looking woman (married or unmarried); but that needs to be earned. A man is not entitled to have you simply because he has met one or two of your needs, because it means that any man who can meet your need can lay claim to you. Proverbs 31:10 talks about the virtuous woman whose price is far higher than rubies. Although there is not mention of how much she is actually worth, we know some things for certain; she has a price and that price is not any lower than rubies (a very very expensive jewel); something only few people can afford. Jacob is a classic example of a man who was willing to labour for 14 years for hand in marriage. And it makes me question; how do you quantify 14 years of a man’s life? Did Rachael really mean all that and much more to him? I bet he would not have gone that far if he did not perceive her value as being worth it. Remember Priceless can swing two ways; It can mean cheap, freebie and at no cost OR It can be far above rubies and difficult to quantify The side you hang on depends on you…………. To receive our broadcast daily, send your email address to homebuilderssn@gmail.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network If you would like to ask a question, need guidance or would like to share an experience, email me @ homebuilderssn@gmail.com ® Home Builders International (Preserve, Prepare & Build)

HOME BUILDERS CONFESSION

FOR SINGLE LADIES : "I declare that I am rightly positioned to 'be located by my life partner. I am at the right place at the right time, doing the right things at all times." FOR MARRIED WOMEN: I am a noble wife. My worth is far more than that of rubies. My husband has confidence and trust in me and he lacks nothing. I am good to him for all the days of my life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)

HOME BUILDING BLOCKS

HOME BUILDING BLOCKS “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved " Babara Johnson Follow me @temmynikan or @homebuilders012 Visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com to see previous broadcast. To enjoy our broadcast, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com

Home Building Blocks

HOME BUILDING BLOCKS " When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face" Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749-1832) German poet, novelist and dramatist. Follow me @temmynikan or @homebuilders012 Visit www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com to see previous broadcast. To enjoy our broadcast, send a mail to homebuilderssn@gmail.com

THE FAMILY PRIDE

THE FAMILY PRIDE At creation we see the master strategist (God) at work. Everyone & everything he created had clearly defined roles (man & woman inclusive). There were no errors, no overlapping roles or shades of grey ; crystal clear & precise as the cuts on a diamond . It was the man's role to work his environment & provide for his family while the woman bore his children & made the house a home. I'm not advocating that women leave their jobs,quit supporting their families & turn themselves into baby factories ; but that was as basic as it was back then. Back in those days things worked, children where brought up with the much needed character & moral ethics needed to fit into the fabric of the society. Each family member knew what was expected of them & then lived up to that expectation. That is exactly why marriages in those days survived & families thrived & todays marriages are falling apart. We (todays generation of marriages) seem to have lost our sense of direction & purpose. We no longer have clearly defined roles, we constantly struggle & compete with each other, bash into each others lanes and Consequently end up with chaotic marriage & home in our hands. The one place where we can learn about roles & how they can make our homes better is the LION'S PRIDE. Although they are animals, the survival of the pride (family) depends largely on the Lions & Lionesses doing what is expected of them. The Lionesses (females) are the prime hunters of the pride. They go out to hunt for preys that will feed the pride. Even among the hunting party, there are roles to be played. One team chases the prey, a second team waits in ambush to attack. It all boils down to role playing & execution. The Lion (male) on the other hand plays the primary role of territorial defense. They urinate round their territory to mark it as theirs, roar to generate fear & literally chase of any intruder. Now it might seem illogical to you at first, because it seems the male is playing the role of the female and the female playing the role of the man. But looking at it from another angle, we make some amazing discoveries. The lioness has a natural physique that makes her swift, nimble and sneaky. The lioness can lie behind grasses on an open ground for hours without risking discovery; skills that are needed for successful hunting. The Lion on the other hand has a physique & a roar that can intimidate anyone. Of what use is the Lion's roar on a hunting ground? That doesn't mean the Lion never hunts or that the Lioness never defends when they "need " to. It doesn't matter if the lioness hunts & the Lion babysits, what matters is that they have well defined roles, they are playing those roles & it's working for them. In all honesty, I care less about who does what in your home as long as it works for you. You & your spouse should access each others strenght,weaknesses & giftings and assign roles and responsibility based on them. If the man is more prudent & economical nothing stops him from doing the familys shopping; or if the woman earns more , she can pick up the larger chunk of the family's buget. Forget about what people might say or think , focus on doing what works for the both of you; then only fools will be able to doubt the proof of a family pride that works. To receive our broadcast daily, send your email address to homebuilderssn@gmail.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network For counselling send me an email or call 08167303190 (8:00-10:00pm) daily

NEW E-BOOK

Marriage is a school in itself ; an institution where your success depends on what you know, what you've learnt and how you apply yourself. Every relationship has a lesson to teach us, some we learn ourseleves; but the best ones are those we learn from others. Since there's so much to learn with such a little time at our disposal, my new e-book "A WISE WOMAN BUILDS " seeks to fill that vaccum. It's a book that meets you at every level : Single, Engaged, or Married backed up with information that can help prepare you for the marriage institution and help you maximize your marriage This book contains so many things no one told me, most of which I had to learn first hand... My marriage has survived

a lot, my marriage is working and my relationship with my husband is at its best & I'm positive your relationship / marriage can be the same. For details on how to purchase the book, send your inquiry to homebuilderssn@gmail.com

WHAT'S YOUR FOCUS

WHAT'S YOUR FOCUS When a young man spots a lady that catches his fancy he begins to "check her out ". He considers what he sees on the outside before any other thing. Same thing applies to the young ladies ; they look at how good looking he is, can he provide emotional & financial security, is he romantic? blah, blah, blah......... Don't get me wrong, there's nothing absolutely wrong with this point of view, as a matter of fact it an act that both sexes carry out consciously or unconsciously.... it's a fallout of our natural make -up..... (even Adam was wowed the first time he saw Eve........ he declared her bone of his bones & flesh of his flesh before exchanging a word with her) - My point? It's our nature to judge a book by it's cover. In reality, many of us have come to learn, either by our personal experiences or that of others, that judging a book by it's cover, is not in our best interest. A potential spouse is like a book. Regardless of what the title says, you still need to go through the content before you can say with a degree of certainty that the book is what you need. Let's start with the ladies : The average lady when trying to decide if a man is right for her, looks at things from the angle that would be benefical to her ; is he romantic, does he love me, can he meet my needs, will my parents accept him & so on. Whereas, the real focus should be, "Can I be the helpmeet that will help fulfill his dreams, destiny & goals "? Since a woman has been designed to be a helpmeet, a backbone & a support, you must know what his dreams, goals & aspirations are & ask yourself if you have what it takes to help him accomplish them. Do you complement him, do you believe in those dreams of his...... It's only when your answer to these are yes that you can trully consider him a spouse. For the young men, as much as I understand that you are wired to be stimulated by sight, you must never let go of the most important things. There's no point in marrying the most beautiful girl if she ends up being a liability to you or a thorn in your flesh. Beyond compatibility, you must ensure your potential wife understands your goals, embraces your goals & has what it takes to help you achieve them. Anything outside all I've mentioned is known as "MISPLACED PRIORITY " To receive our broadcast daily, send your email address to homebuilderssn@gmail.com OR Follow me on twitter @homebuilders012 Visit our blog at www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com or our facebook page : Home Builders Support Network For counselling send me an email or call 08167303190 (8:00-10:00pm) daily