4 SEASONS OF MARRIAGE (SUMMER)

SUMMER The first thing to be established here is that there can be no summer without spring. Secondly, the kind of summer you have is dependent on the seeds you have sown in spring. Simply put, a summer marriage is one that is filled with contentment, deep sense of connection and intimacy, comfort, happiness and accomplishment. When your marriage enters into summer, you begin to enjoy the benefits of all the sacrifices, willingness to compromise and seeking to understand your spouse that you have sown. Summer is a usually a reward for all your efforts, labour and investment into your marriage. It’s a time when all the dreams and hopes of spring are fulfilled. In most cases summer comes for many marriages in the later years. It comes years after they have struggled to understand and accept each other’s differences. As a result you discover that the older couple seems to be the ones who have gotten the key to a successful marriage. We assume that because they have been together for so long, it’s only natural for them to enter into the summer season of their marriage. We assume that it’s only natural for them to achieve that state of deep connection and intimacy. While this is true, I believe that summer can be entered into regardless of whether you are newly married or have been married for years. Since I have mentioned in previous write ups that unlike the natural seasons of the years, the seasons of marriage are consciously created; you would agree with me that summer can be created. To enter in to summer, there are practical steps that must be taken; CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION: I was privileged to hear the story of a couple who have used communication s as a practical guide to enter into and sustain the season of summer in their marriage. For this couple after they took their regular wedding vows< they went back home to take their own private vows. They agreed to operate ; An open door policy: this meant that they had the right to express whatever they felt to each other at any point in time without holding back They vowed never to allow the sun go down on their anger; even though it means they have to stay up late to resolve their issues Thirdly each side will deal and relate with their parents they way they deem fit; considering the fact that they were raised differently. This couple although have been married for less than 5 years, admitted that they have enjoyed summer through the better years of their marriage. They know the secrets and have achieved what it takes some couples decades to discover. They achieved this because they were able to communicate with each other. Summer is just like a flower which must be watered consistently to keep it alive. Summer can survive the busiest schedule if both parties are committed to the growth and consistency in their marriage. Communication dear friend is the process by which couples get to know each other and continue to work together as team. The earlier you get talking the earlier you can enter into summer; the more you talk, the longer you can keep summer alive in your marriage. ACCEPTANCE OF DIFFERENCES: this is one key thing I learnt early in my marriage. Take it or leave it, peace would never reign in your marriage until you learn to accept each other’s differences rather than fight it. hi husband and I had so many issues early on in our marriage simply because we wanted the other person to act differently or be someone different. We forget very easily that we have been raised differently, we are have different personality and as such being different Is a given. The summer season of the year is that time when you find people lying outside, soaking in the sun and enjoying every bit of serenity the environment has to offer. Summer in your marriage will only be a reality when you learn to give your spouse the freedom to be different; to act differently, think differently and react differently. Learning to overlook your spouses’ short comings is the key to keep the flower of summer blooming. SERMINAR & BOOKS: Isn’t it amazing that we spend at least the first 2 decades (20years) of life preparing to get employed while we learn nothing about marriage; a school where we spend the greater parts of our lives. Nothing becomes valuable by chance, until we are willing to commit something to it. Whether you decide to commit time, finances or your physical energy…. Your commitment to is what deter mines the value. So many people enter in to marriage with little or no knowledge, we assume we will learn along the way or somehow figure it out. Truth is that most people do figure it or learn along the way; but at what cost….. Your best bet is to take time to get informed. Attend seminars, read books get knowledge because when you get knowledge you begin to have understanding. I remember when my husband and I could hardly get along early in our marriage. I would cry my eyes out and yet it seemed he did not care. I felt terrible and unloved. “Why won’t he just understand me” I thought. I did not solve this mystery until I read a book where I saw that men are logical being while women were emotional by nature. In order words, to get the attention and co-operation of my husband, there was a need to appeal to his logical side. Guess what, it worked…. Since then till date, I no longer got angry when my husband did not respond to me the way I expected, when I said certain things, instead of getting angry, I became more tolerating because I now had an understanding of where he was coming from. Until you get the knowledge and insight you need, summer can’t happen in your home. SPIRITUAL GROWTH: There is no summer without spirituality. The bible says “ I wish above all things that you will prosper and be in good health” (3 John 1:2) another one says “ for I know the plans I have towards you, the plans of good and not of evil, to give you a hope, a future and an expected end” ( Jerimiah29:11) God wants you to prosper and your marriage is no exception. If your spouse and you have a great relationship with God, you can be rest assured that the summer in your marriage is a possibility because a walk with God teaches satisfaction, gives you happiness, a sense of contentment, comfort, and a deep connection, all of which are the emotions of a summer marriage. Bottom line is this, a summer marriage is EARNED! Eyitemi The Home Builder @ Home Builders our goal is to prepare, preserve & build homes. Helping you be the best you're created to be in your relationship. Email : homebuilderssn@gmail.com Twitter: @temmynikan Website: www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com Listen to our broadcast : www.soundcloud.com/eyitemi-adebowale FB Group : Home Builders Resource Centre. Telephone : 08167303190