ONE DIRECTION MARRIAGE

ONE DIRECTION MARRIAGE

I remember very vividly the messagr an uncle gave me when I was making preparations for my wedding.  He said it might look as though this wedding was the highlight of my life, I would soon discover that there's more to life after saying I DO. True to words I discovered soon enough.
One of the best marriage advice you can ever get is this: marry someone who shares the same dreams and aspirations with you. Only then can your marriage be guaranteed a future.
Marriage is easier when you're both headed in the same direction. There are so many challenges you would encounter down the road and it is those things you have in common that will help you survive the PULL effect.
Talk about your career goals, financial goals, family goals and every other life goals in details before you make you make any commitment
Looking at how some ladies talk about their wedding day, you'd think its what their whole existed has been all about.  As a result they make no further future plans post wedding.
Have you ever heard a single lady talk about the kind of man she wants? You hear things like "I want a God fearing, handsome, fair, tall......." and the list is endless.  There's nothing wrong with wanting all these things but there's something wrong with being shallow.
How do ascertain your compatibility when you dont even know what you want for yourself?
How do join someone on his/her journey when you dont even know where you are headed?
In his book "Good to Great" Jim Collins talking about hiring said its not enough to get the right people on board, you must ensure they are going your way i. e they share the same vision or goals similar to that of the organization.
The same applies to marriage.  Dont make this lifetime journey with anyone unless your sure you're headed in the same direction.
If you marry an individual who has different interest and goals from yours, not only will the marriage not work, you'll be mostly frustrated and unfulfilled.

Eyitemi The Homebuilder
@ homebuilders012
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STOP...READY...GO

A large number of people reading this post are familiar with the traffic colours and their meanings. In school as children, we were told that before crossing the road, we needed to " look left, look right and look left again" and we were equally educated on the traffic lights and what they represent;
Green means GO
Yellow/Amber means Get Ready
Red means STOP

It's amazing how much of these things we know and how little we apply to our daily lives especially our relationships. Relationships like I have always mentioned is a journey and just like road signs are there to keep you on track especially when the routes are unfamiliar, there are signs in your relationship designed to do same. These signs must NEVER be ignored

My focus is on single/unmarried folks this week and the reality of so many marital crises which in my own opinion could have been avoided.
First allow me to re-establish a few facts;
1. The dating/ courtship period is a time to get to know each other better
2. Dating/ courtship does not necessarily guarantee marriage
3. A dating/ courtship period that does not lead to marriage can be termed as successful: while one that leads to marriage might not necessarily be successful
4. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage

Marriage is one of the few irreversible decisions we make in our lives and this decision must be considered with the utmost depth, realistically through a clear minds eye.

A common mistake amongst a lot of young people is that they spend a large percentage of their dating period satisfying their half-baked Sexual hormonal rush that they loose sight of what's trully important. When this happens, when the ultimate, the big picture is ignored, you become a slave to the immediate, the present.

Dating/Courtship period is a time to critically access your partner to determine if there's a future with this person and what that future might possibly hold. There's nothing wrong with being and feeling in love, but your vigilance should not be compromised.

If there are things you don't like while dating or courting, don't hesitate to talk about them because that is exactly what the period is for. If there are concerns, bring them to light and make sure they are satisfactorily resolved.

Don't allow your desperation get the better part of you while dating so much that you ignore important red flags. A partner who lies to you, cheats on you or treats you poorly is a major red flag and can ultimately turn a deal breaker

Don't stay in relationships where there are so many red flags thinking they would resolve them self or that your partner would suddenly change after getting married. It doesn't work that way and folks who are married can confirm that to you.

Red signs are warning signs designed to give you a reality check and give you a reason to re-evaluate the relationship you're in. Just like these traffic signs would not make sense to those who don't know the rules, if you don't have set boundaries drawn, you would not even know when they are being breached.

What are the things you cannot overlook in marriage? What attitudes, character or behaviors are deal breakers for you. How do you expect to be treated by the man/woman who claims to love you? These and many more need answers to enable you know when and where things are going wrong.

I'm not asking you to look for some perfect man, with green piercing eyes and a body to die for, who has no flaws and whose mission in life is to love and make you happy. You would be far from reality if that is what you are waiting for because there are no men like that in the real world.

At the end of the day, it would be you and your partner living together for the rest of your lives. If there are things you know you cannot live with for the "REST OF YOUR LIFE" address them now or end the relationship while you still can.

Like my husband rightly said, too many people are trapped in wrong relationships because "PREMARITAL SEX" gives them a false sense of commitment. A false need to stay even when everything in their body is screaming RUN
While for others ( ladies especially) , the desperation to get married simply because of their age keeps them trapped in the wrong relationships

Let me tell you clearly and I hope you remember this words when you need them the most; long after the goofy feeling of love is gone and reality sets in on your marriage, all you will have with you is the real person you have committed to and the same desperation you had while you were still dating/courting will most certainly be doubled when things go wrong in marriage and you are desperate for a way out.

There's more to life after "I DO" but so many people fail to see this. Marry right dear friend because your marriage will no doubt shape the rest of your life. It will shape your career, you finances, your dreams and your aspirations. If you marry the right man good for you, life might continue as you know it; but if you marry the wrong man- life as you know is officially over. The choice is yours.
Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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A THANKFUL HEART.......A THANKFUL WIFE

A thankful heart.

A thankful heart for the gift of life.

A thankful heart for family and friends.

A thankful heart for and towards your spouse.

Agreed marriage can be handful. It could make you feel overwhelmed.

Your spouse might get on your wrong side every now and then; but don't get caught up in the bad times

A thankful heart is what creates an attitude of appreciation

An attitude of appreciation has a positive multipliers effect on your marriage

There's an adage in my dialect that says "He who is thankful for yesterday's good deed will receive more"

Learn to appreciate your spouse

Make deliberate efforts to show appreciation when he does something good. (Small or Big)

If you don't thank him for helping your clear the table of the dishes, don't expect him to help with washing the dishes

Every-time you appreciate and show that appreciation to your spouse; you give him reasons to do more

Don't complain about how longs it been since you received a gift, card or flowers.....

Be thankful for the times he helped you watch the kids while you took a nap

Nothing dampens a man's willingness to help like an ungrateful wife

I know he's not perfect, we all know that and neither are you

Every time you're thankful for something he did, he consciously or unconsciously seeks new ways to do more good deeds

It's easy to get caught up in the negatives that we fail to good right under our noses. Each day, ask God to open your eyes to the good things around you especially your marriage and the grace to indeed have a thankful heart.....

Stay Blessed and Remember to share this with someone.

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

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Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com

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LOVE ME BACK

One of the universal laws of giving is that " You cannot give what you don't have". This law is applicable to every area of our lives, including our Relationship/ Marriage

This law is no respecter of person and is applicable whether you're, dating, courting or actually married; male or female

Too often people are involved in relationships where one party is at the giving end and the other at the receiving end.

Often times one person gives a 110% while the other partner gives nothing or a tiny fraction in return.

Some people say a good relationship involves giving without expecting something in return; I say that is true to some extent. When you give to your partner, don't expect or demandhim or her to give the same in return. He/ she is allowed to give in return in any other way deemed fit; as long as it doesn't pose any harm to your relationship/ marriage.

There's a no feeling as bad as loving someone without being loved in return ( I trust a large number of people can relate with this). Not only is that person being treated unfairly, I consider it an act of EMOTIONAL FRAUD.

A relationship/Marriage has a greater chance of surviving when both partners love each other and reciprocate this love. A Relationship/Marriage has a greater chance of surviving when both partners give not 50-50, but 100-100.

Contrary to some school of thought, one person's love, sacrifice, or compromise is not enough for both parties in a Relationship/Marriage. A partner who gives without receiving in return will one day go dry and run out of what to give. Only one person has been able to give a 100% of himself , while we did not deserve it, without receiving same- JESUS

Any one who gives love continously without receiving might fall into any of these categories below;

1. They have low self esteem. Even though they are treated as trash, they believe they are getting what they deserve or that is their worth

2. They are hoping that their partner would one day realize their errors and start loving them in return

3. They have a warped definition of what love ought to be

While the second point is a possibility, as there have been cases where a partner persisted and continued to show love until the other party came around or began to reciprocate. (Especially in marriage)This should be done prayerfully and you must know the difference between this and being used.

Every time, you show love to someone and you are loved in return, that persons emotional bank account is credited with you, which makes it possible to for him/her to draw at any point in time.

Using the example of a bank; you cannot walk into a bank and ask to draw money when you have not made any deposit with them. If for any reason you make any withdrawal without any form of deposit, it's either a loan or you have stolen money that's not yours. Either way you become indebted to the bank.

In the case of a loan, you will be required to pay back with interest. The same applies to a Relationship/ Marriage. When you draw or receive love without giving, your emotional bank account goes into a debit balance. Not only will you need to fill it up from its negative position to its positive position, you will also need to maintain a minimum balance on the account

Everybody wants / needs to be loved. Any relationship that is draining you more than its replenishing you is cancerous and should be avoided. You don't need a soothsayer to tell you that your love isn't being reciprocated. If ever find yourself in a situation, do what is best for you and find someone who will replenish you, each time you give.

If you think you have been giving love which is is not being reciprocated, please don't keep it bottled in. Talk to your partner about how you feel as it relates to the relationship.

Loving someone should not be forced or coerced. It ought to come naturally, freely and uninhibited. If you have to force your partner to show love to you. There's a problem.

For my married friends reading this, if you ever find yourself in this situation, point number two mentioned earlier is applicable. Continue to show love prayerfully, if he/she has loved you before, yes that love can be rekindled.

For my single friends, if you're dating someone who doesn't reciprocate your love, don't enter into marriage with him/her without a positive resolution.

Stay Blessed and Remember to share this with someone.

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog:www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

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LOVERS AND FRIENDS

For all the married couples out there, you might not have married your best friend, but it's never too late to make your "Husband/Wife" your best friend
Have you ever notice how long and boring a trip or a walk might seem when you're taking it on your own or walking with strangers? Compare it to how short, interesting and pleasant the same trip can be when taking with friends?
Marriage is no different. It's a journey of a life time and trust me you don't want to be making that journey with acquaintances or strangers. To get the best experience, you need to be making that journey with your friend- Spouse- Husband- Soul mate
The place of Friendship in your marital relationship is so important and it must not be under-estimated because when the butterflies in your belly have stopped fluttering, and the flame of passion has fizzled out, your friendship is perpetual.
There are times when you might not feel so in love with your partner, but you can count on your friendship still.
Being friends, best friends with your spouse, is priceless.
---> A friend is a confidant who you can pour your heart to without fear of judgment
---> A friend is someone who sees the best and the worst in you, yet he/she stays
----> A friends has your back even when the world is against you
---> A friend shares your pain, joy, high moments and low moments
Friendship with your spouse requires an important ingredient "TIME"
Don't be too busy for your partner or your marriage.
Spend time together because only then will you discover more about each other
Whatever or Whoever you spend time with is reflection of what's important to you.
Love without friendship can be empty, but love between friends is priceless.

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog:www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com

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THE SHADE OF A GOOD UNION

While sitting under a big tree one sunny afternoon to take shade from the vengeful heat of the scorching sun, I became inspired to write this post.

Despite the weather situation, being under this big tree made me feel differently. Yes I was not oblivious of the scorching heat, but I was not a victim of its vengeful heat either. Being under this tree made a difference and there was no way I was leaving there until I was ready to leave.

The same should be said of our marriages. Marriage is supposed to be a shade, provide protection and shield you from the harsh conditions of the society.

Your marriage is supposed to be that place you run to and feel safe when pressure begins to mount from the society

Your marriage is supposed to be a reliable safe zone when insecurities abound.

Just like the tree, it does not change what is going on outside, but it shields you, keeps you safe and protected.

If your marriage is like this, then you can be sure that when you come home to your spouse and kids, you're bound to feel relaxed and comfortable regardless of how bad your day had been

Often times when you see people who are not eager or who do not long to go home to their spouse and kids, it either of two things;

----> it's either they feel safer in where they are or they have some other safe zone, asides their home, marriage & spouse.

Wives especially need to consciously make sure their home/ marriage is a safe zone for every member of the family.

Make it a place they long to be in and are reluctant to leave; and I'm not just talking about the interior decoration alone.

As home builders we have been charged with the responsibility of making the best out of our homes and marriages.

>Understand and strive to meet the needs of your family members

>Don't be too temperamental or judgmental

>Give room for your spouse and children to fail because only then will they be inspired to try again until success becomes a reality

>learn to use the right words to nurture, heal and correct when necessary

The list is endless but the general idea is to make sure you do what is needed to make your marriage a safe zone

One more salient and important ingredient needed to make your marriage a safe zone is to have a healthy relationship with your spouse. The union of you both is what resulted into a marriage and it takes both of you to grow and nurture your relationship.

The dividend of a good marriage goes beyond the man and his wife. Just like the big tree I sat under which shaded not just myself but every one who sought protection from the sun's venting; so will your children, great grandchildren, friends, loved ones and even strangers benefit from the umbrella your successful union.

Keep building

Eyitemi TheHomeBuilder

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Twitter:@homebuilders012

Blog:www.eyitemithehomebuilder.blogspot.com

Email:homebuilderssn@gmail.com

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FAITHFULNESS BEFORE I DO

1. It's great to be here with everyone this evening #StasWeek

2. I'm trusting God for opened eyes & opened minds and ready hearts #StasWeek

3. When you here the word " Faithful" especially as it borders on relationships, what's the 1st thing that comes to mind ? #Stasweek

4. Some think fidelity, cheating, extra marital affairs and most importantly you get the idea it's an issues for married folks #StasWeek

5. How often have you ever thought that "faithfulness" could be a subject of concern for you as a single? #StasWeek

6. Probably very few times or never #StasWeek

7. Contrary to what you might think or assume, faithfulness is not a things for married couples only #StasWeek

8. Faithfulness starts long before marriage. It's a mind set, a learned habit and a way of life. #StasWeek

9. Faithfulness is not some random spirit that drops on you once you get married. #StasWeek

10. Faithfulness, true faithfulness is the life you live, and who you are long before say "I DO" #StasWeek

11. Faithfulness is not just about whether you have pre-marital sex, it's the total package. #StasWeek

12. Faithfulness is of the heart & mind. It is what guarantees purity . #StasWeek

13. Faithfulness is a lifestly which requires a conscious effort, constant evaluation and accountability #StasWeek

14. Some people are of the opinion that the reason they can't stay faithful is because they have not met right person #StasWeek

15. Apologies, but allow me break your bubble by saying this: that is a lie from the pit of hell #StasWeek

16. Faithfulness is about the way you lived and you are living before you meet your life partner #StasWeek

17. Imagine your future partner had access to the candid camera of your life right now, do you think he'll be proud? #StasWeek

18. Would he/she be eager to spend the rest of their lives with you, or would they rather be celibate than marry you? #StasWeek

19. Think about that for a moment? #StasWeek

20: Faithfulness as a single lady, is about those little things you do on a daily bases which honour your future partner #StasWeek

21. Faithfulness as a single man/ lady is leaving a life that honours your future partner #StasWeek

22. Faithfulnessmeans living to love and honour your future husband all the days of your life. #StasWeek

23. Faithfulness before I DO means that you honour your future spouse with #StasWeek (1/2)

24. Your tots, actions, words ,emotion an your body (2/2). #StasWeek

25. I need to understand me here, because this is a new dimension to faithfulness. #StasWeek

26. Some people think Purity is not Possible in today's world, but I believe we are focusing on the wrong things #StasWeek

27. If we focus on faithfulness, purity will come naturally. The two go side by side #StasWeek

28. A single Man/ woman who goes into marriage without understanding the concept of faithfulness (1/2) #StasWeek

29. Is disaster waiting to happen (2/2) #StasWeek

30. Faithfulness is like an oak tree that patiently endured the torrid winds and rains, (1/2) #StasWeek

31. Only to become stronger and solid as a result. #StasWeek

32. God is a rewarder of every form of faithfulness #StasWeek

33. He rewarded Ruth with Her Boaz because of her faithfulness; even though the world thought she was stupid #StasWeek

34. He is still the same God, he never changes. He will all also reward your faithfulness and non-conformity #StasWeek

35. Faithfulness is what unlocks the secret to the kind of love you have been looking for. #StasWeek