"A man suddenly discovered his wife had been having an affair with the contractor who had been coming to carry out some repairs in the house. Like that was not enough, it was discovered that she was pregnant for the contractor. The Husband after getting over his hurt decides to forgive his wife and they raised ...that child together"
Now I bet that seems like a fairy tale or a plot from a movie, but trust me, this story is as real as it gets. Now the moment I heard this occurred in The United States, It felt more believable. I asked myself "Can an African man be this forgiving?" Surprisingly I realised I knew the answer ; yes he can be this forgiving;but will he forgive? NOT LIKELY!!!
So why is this I began to ponder. What that man did is what is expected of every spirit filled christian, it is what most men will agree to be the right thing to do; but many will not. I've come to realise that there are two things that guide and determines human behaviour and reaction to situation. Tradition and Religion. The entirety of our lives are shaped by this two factors. It affect the way we behave, the perspective from which we view things and ultimately our attitude towards Marriage and our spouse. In Africa, most of what we do is based on Tradition-rules as laid down by men.
A wise man once said, "if you want to know how something works, consult with the manufacturer. He created it, he know how it works, if anything goes wrong, he knows how to fix it. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. That is the problem with our marriages today. We allow a set of rules as designed by man to determine our actions. Its not that I'm condoning the cheating actions of the wife, its wrong on every ground! What I'm saying is that our lives will be so much easier if we don't allow tradition get in the way of our thinking and actions.
A few days ago on face book, someone posted a question asking if a man can wash his wife's undies and there were so many variant reactions. Most of those reactions where based on the premise of what tradition says. "Its not manly to wash your wife's underwear, society will frown @ it, it brings down the leadership of the man as the head of the home" so many comments then I draw to remembrance that Ephesians 5:28 which says "In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. The man who loves his wife loves himself." Gen 2:24 "So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body" what the maker, the creator, the architect of marriage (God) says is that both must become one. What you can do for your self is what you should do for your wife and vice versa. There's a Yoruba adage that says " let's do it the way it should be done, so that it can turn out the way it should turn out" we need to let go of tradition and live each day of our marriage according to Gods standard. Who says a man cannot cook for his wife, who says a woman cannot wake up and wash her husbands car? All this stereotypes are man made, which is why most marriages are not working. Its your home, its your marriage, its your wife/husband, and lastly its your business. If it pleases your God and your spouse, its a done deal! CARRY GO! & make your marriage work. If you decide to go with tradition,I'm sorry to say, your sitting on a LONG THING!
Eyitemi The Home Builder
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